I’m sick of getting mugged off but nobody will help

August 14, 2013

Can someone please help me cause I’m not getting anywhere with the CSA! I’m actually the opposite to most of u as I am a mum who breaks her neck to provide for her kids while her lazy conning lying ex is getting away with not paying.

I have let him see my kids every two weeks as agreed in our divorce and allowed him to school events and extra days out for his family! They have always been vile to me but I’ve taken the higher ground and allowed it as its up to my kids to make their own minds up about him.

He has now not paid me for over 18 months but had 2 big holidays, bought new merc, new house, dripping in designer clothes and Jewels and now getting married abroad and still I have nothing! The CSA say they are chasing him and trying to help as they know he is working but I’m getting no where! My youngest is 8 and hates going and wants to stop.

I am sick of getting mugged off and can’t find anyone to help me to tell me if I am within my rights to now stop my kids going! I lost my home and everything cause of him and hate that he is basking in money while his kids go without food. And yes it’s that bad


  • Bella says:

    Ummmmm, get a job?

    Did you lose your home because of HIM, or because you split up and therefore lost the financial benefits of being part of a couple? That my dear, is life.

    Believe me, if the CSA think he owes money they’ll hound him until they have every last bean he has. They’d let him sell a kidney before they’d back off..

    Can I ask why you think it would be within your rights to stop him seeing his own children though? I assume you think he shuld pay money as they are 50% his? So he should have access for the same reason. They are not your toys!

    It is NOT your right to deny a father the right to see his children, you are not above the law, regardless of how bitter you may be about his new marriage and life.

  • Ross says:

    Here Here Bella!

  • Kim says:

    Thx for no help what so ever! The reason I lost my home was cause the low life gamblerling cheat lost everything we had but hid it until I threw him out after god knows how many affiairs and bailiffs scaring the crap out me and my kids, this man also beat me infront of his son thats why he is not fit to be a father and for the record I do work, bloody hard to provide for my kids! My kids can’t stand him and want nothing to do with him but because he is on the birth certificate they have to go. I. Not some low life that keeps plays my kids against their dad and do not use my kids and pretty pissed of that people think that of all parents that just feel that why should I work my arse off to pay for everything, every club, school uniform, meal everything and yet someone else who made my kids with me doesn’t do anything! Sorry it’s wrong! And for those of u reading this who dont agree with me I feel for you as obviously u have been done over by your wifes! Some of us are decent and I don’t want to screw him over just want fairness! And for the record couldn’t care less about the new wife! My kids have had to see her get slapped so why would I want that back…..don’t judge everyone as money grabbing women.

  • Bella says:

    IF he’s a gambling wife beater who beat you in front of your children and now beats his new wife in front of them you’d be asking social services, the Police and the courts if you are within your rights to stop access, not a CSA forum. I would imagine you should be more concerned about them witnessing violence than you not getting ‘paid’. Seems like a more likely reason to restrict access but I suppose it depends on your priorities….

  • Paul says:

    Hi Kim,

    I am sorry to hear that things are not going well for you and I hope
    things will get better soon.

    As others have said, the CSA has a lot of powers to chase for
    missing payments and I have heard they do chase people a lot,
    whether this is fair or not I will leave this topic for another today.
    So I hope that the CSA will chase your ex-partner for the due money,
    If the CSA isn’t chasing as tough as they normally do you need
    to get professional help like the CAB or your MP or something but
    you need to work with the CSA as much as you can first before
    going to other organisations

    As others have said, visiting rights is probably a separate (but related
    to some extent) issue so it may be best to avoid being seen to mix
    the two together. But maybe that was not your intention in the short
    space that you have written your case.

    I hope things will improve soon.

  • karen says:

    Kim now you see why many people who are PWC dont bother with posting on here now, as you see the comments you get from the ‘chip on the shoulder’ people.
    If you want to join the facebook group Child Support Agencies Failings for advice and support, this group is for both PWC and NRP who either paying over the top or not receiving any/little money for support. The reason why people are paying too much if because of the ones who dont pay or pay little. Take 2 to make a child, 2 should support it, but many NRP walk away from their responsibilities of support and likewise some PWC play the system also.

  • Bella says:

    @ Karen “The reason why people are paying too much if because of the ones who dont pay or pay little”

    That’s a stupid thing to say. It’s got nothing to do with what anyone else pays. It’s a set pecentage of an individual income, before they’ve had chance to eat, have a home, drive a car or switch their lights on!

    To complete your other sentence…

    “Take 2 to make a child, 2 should support it”… and 2 people should have access to it. Which was this lady’s initial question – can she prevent her ex seeing his own child. The answer is still no.

  • Jenny says:

    I really feel for you. I am a mother in the same poverty stricken situation. I can understand some of the hostile comments on here from bitter men and women but we need to have compassion for their ignorance as they are oblivious to the distress the sound of sobbing hungry children can cause a single parent that is suffer financially. They have never felt that kind of powerlessness in their lives or they would help. Those that say they can’t see their children are lying because the law allows you to even if you are abusive via supervision. The truth is, you just don’t want to see them or you would try harder. I would climb mountains to see my children if i wasn’t sole carer. I certainly would not complain about providing towards my children’s upbringing financially. What would that say about me as a parent?

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