I’m fed up of fighting to recieve what my daughter deserves

August 15, 2013

Constant issues, late or none existent payments and the same amount as 11 years ago???

I have been fighting the CSA and my ex husband for 11 years over payments that arrive as and when and when they do have not increased in over 10 years.

Despite knowing that my ex husband works 6 days a week and earns a lot more than he is declaring! I have asked the CSA to re look at his earnings but they come back every time with the same payment schedule.

The first three years I received nothing from him at all, I claimed benefit for 6 months and then went to work leaving my daughter with anyone who had time to look after her, just to make sure I could feed her.. When the CSA finally caught up with him, I received a measly £1000 as arrears (so that’s £27.77 per month for 3 years).

I have received payments since but they are sporadic sometimes I get them and sometimes I don’t, as this money is going towards my daughters college fund not in my pocket it should not be an issue but to be honest I am fed up with fighting these people for what my daughter deserves.

It is bad enough that he never contacts her, she never gets a birthday card or call!!! Thankfully my fiance has taken on the role of Dad… People are constantly complaining that the CSA rips them off, but the other side of it is that many parents and children are not getting what the law states they should be!


  • jo says:

    There is no law that states what children should get financially from the csa…only a % of the nrps earnings.

    Have you actually spoken to your ex directly? If not, how do you know what his working situation is? Csa cause alot of tension, tell you one thing and the nrp something else…they cause so much heartache for all involved.

    I’m sorry to say this but if he hasn’t bothered like you say, then why can’t you get on and be happy, surely by keeping on the chase of your ex just leads to more bitterness?

    You have the joy of your daughter and have done okay, be proud of that, it’s his loss.

    I’m speaking as a mum of two children who’s father has never contributed in any aspect of their lives and have done alright, I do not need his money or the desire to punish him because he can’t be bothered…and in fairness would have loved an emotional support for our children instead of a financial one!

  • Darren says:

    hi all,
    Ok here goes it is a testament to any ex wife who can keep friends with her ex partner and keeps the welfare of the children first because in most cases the nrp will keep in contact and help with mantince,
    instead of being a nightmare using the children against them and running of to the csa ,
    99 percent of the time it’s pot heads or chavs who have to plead poverty to the csa to stay at home claiming just to watch day time tv,
    At school when thet taught us sex education it should have been explained.

  • Sally says:

    As Jo says… is there any way you can speak with your ex as its a fact that the CSA staff play one parent off against the other and have been caught lying by telling the PWC that the NRP has not paid when in actual fact he had!!

    The CSA were caught out when the PWC contacted the NRP and he showed her his pay slips to prove that the money had been taken out of his wages…. every month!!

  • John says:

    Your circumstances and others who have problems with the CSA, tell us all that the CSA is ‘not fit for purpose’ and should be shut down.

    There has to be a better way, rather than demonising and criminalising parents regarding THEIR children.

    Important matters involving children belong in the courts with professional, qualified personnel, and not with grade one ‘office staff.

    The CSA are interfering in parents private lives, as they chuck benefits at one and hound the other. It’s a disgrace!

  • Faye says:

    For your information Peter Brown and Duncan Smith, I work and I go to University and I look after my children! I am not a skank, how dare you be so rude, where the hell does it say I don’t work!!!!!!!!
    Darren, I don’t speak with my ex because he is violent, last time we saw each other I ended up in ICU! So there is obviously some circumstances where you can not stay in touch.
    Jo, I have no need of his money personally mainly because it is my daughters not mine, she is entitled to something from him to help with her college fund. There is no bitterness other than being fobbed off with lies all the time.
    John I completely agree with you.
    I don’t think I have anything else to add other than if you want to waste your time being nasty when you know nothing about my personal life, it really doesn’t say a lot about your personality.

  • Mike Hunt says:

    It doesn’t matter how much your ex earns..that’s his business.. You are not entitled to benefit from his success. Your children need a certain amount to live off every week.. If your ex paid more would this go directly to children?. Be realistic.. You have a new partner who is earning.. Your ex may ave second family who also need his support.. Stop being selfish!!!

  • karen says:

    Again the ‘chips on the shoulder’s’ who are so hard done by – you had the children, if you didnt want to support them, you shouldnt have had them!
    Yes its all the CSA’s fault, thats what I thought too, and yes they are responsible for mucking a lot up, cos they dont know how to handle the situations, set up by a Tory government who live in an unrealistic world.
    But its the other parties fault too, as they are playing the system too.
    In an ideal world you would be able to split up with the other parent, we would both be able to agree to support payments that everyone would be happy with, wouldnt that be great, but for many of us – there is not this – if you think most can negotiate with their ex’s to pay, then thats great, but a lot of us cant.
    Join the facebook group child support agencies failings for advice and support.
    As for seeing MP’s I did that many times, mine was useless but hopefully others will find it works for them.

  • jo says:

    Karen, it works both ways. Women are also responsible to whom they have children with. Pwcs also have the upper hand with the child(ren)…how many nrps on here have had to go to court to fight for access and the pwc not held accountable for breaking it? Also single mums get more help financially than an nrp, I know this from experience!

    I do not have a chip on my shoulder for telling my experiences and neither do the guys on here, some nrps are being royally shafted and they have a right to say so.

    Also, your still fighting the csa on a closed case and your children now adults, why can’t you just get on with your life and leave your ex alone? You had a massive payout, some of us have had zero and still manage alright without bitterness.

  • Faye says:

    Im not hard done by, I love and support our children, for most of the last 11 years ive done this on my own without support because I barely receive it. This is why EVERY PENNY received goes into our daughters account. The CSA was an agreement that went through our divorce, not a choice I made, it was a choice the LAW made. Again nothing but judgy comments from people assuming that I can’t be bothered to support our children or that I am using his money or even give a crap about how much he actually earns. My partner and myself pay for everything our children need, the money from My Ex pays for NOTHING, it goes into a savings account in my daughters name that can not be touched until she is 16!!
    Karen I 100% agree with you! We both wanted a child and I 100% support everything she does… as for her father, well that is a completely different story and I’m sorry but people who dodge the system deserve to be hounded. He has no other children and no partner with children, I am in contact with his mother and father and even they are disgusted with him, not because he doesn’t see his daughter, that was his own doing and the courts decision, but because he does not support her. SO many people are in the same situation, its just such a shame that so many other people seem to think every person who has a complaint about the CSA is a benefit bludger!

  • Claire says:

    I don’t think that Faye is speaking out of bitterness to be fair. It takes two to make a child, the same two should support it. I agree with the set amount by law each week, I think it sets a good guideline so absent parents can’t accuse the parent with care of not spending the money on the child.

    My ex owes my three boys over £30,000 in child support arrears, the CSA have been next to useless. As every time he gets a payment schedule – he calls in a “change of circumstances”, packs his job in and/or moves house. I work and support the three boys we have, despite two of those boys being disabled. He never calls to see how they are, despite the eldest undergoing major orthopaedic surgery next month. He does seem to have a lot of holidays abroad mind – haha. And get to go and make life elsewhere – also unsupportive of those children emotionally etc.

    I feel blessed to have three gorgeous boys and pity my ex in a way for the he has behaved in the past. It’s such a shame. And no whilst it’s not all about money – these men/women have a legal and moral duty towards the life they create. And no Faye is not some jobless skank either. We all have a duty to input emotionally and financially into our children’s lives – even if it’s just a token gesture. These babies were planned and brought into the world with love. We manage, we get by as I know they’ll love me for doing my best throughout.

    It’s not surprising that some women/men with care/residency get angry and upset when the absent parent does not seem to struggle or go without food to feed their kids, always have new clothes, go on holidays abroad etc. The biggest insult having yet more babies they won’t help towards emotionally financially etc.

  • Faye i had to laugh at your increasingly bizarre outburst — it just makes you sound like a self entitled leech. You prevent your ex seeing his kids, you reap what you sowe! end of story

    For Karen – you are the ultimate funny woman! Leave your ex alone you bitter old trout – I’ve heard about you through the grapevine – proper nutter!

  • faye says:

    This man battered me, put me in hospital in front of my daughter!! But then I would never expect anyone to actually think before they point fingers as to why I would like our daughter to recieve her money… oh and while Im at it our daughter is now 13 and doesnt want to see him. Nothing to do with me.

  • jo says:

    Faye, I was battered as you put it for many years, our son at the age of 3 had to get in between me and his father to stop him beating me whilst 8 months pregnant with his daughter, another reason why I do not want my children’s father involved because he isn’t capable nor want or need his money to keep that hold on us.

    I had our daughter alone and he’s never had the desire to meet her, she’s nearly 10!

    If your ex is that bad then you’re both better off without him or the hassle of trying to get him to face up to his responsibilities because if he hasn’t done it by now then its less unlikely that he ever will.

  • Amanda Philpotts says:

    feel for you faye, unbelievable the comments made by some naive peoples comments ,I hope you don’t let the narrow minded comments affect you. I know what it is like to have been in an abusive relationship with your childs father . your daughter is lucky to have a mother that has accepted her parental role and has put her needs first and the maintenance you have received goes straight to her account . it takes 2 to have a child . it is the childs needs that should be the most important consideration which from your post show , that is what you have done . hope those giving abusive comments hold their head in shame

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