I’m constantly helping my ex with money anyway – what can I do?

July 18, 2013

I have a daughter with my ex-partner, who has 3 children from a prior relationship. In essence she screwed the father of her eldest 3. I know she receives in excess of £400 a month via CSA for these children.

Now, since splitting with my ex I have contributed what I can for my daughter through a private arrangement (trying to keep things civil). My daughter also sleeps at my home every single night and is with me every weekend, from Friday night until Monday morning during which I pay for her needs.

However when I disagree with my ex’s demands for more money, she threatens going to the CSA. I am playing a balancing act with trying to please her and juggling my expenses (mortgage, council tax, travel costs, bills, loan repayments, car insurance+tax and all the other usual expenses) while living under the constant threat that she is going to go to CSA and have 3 years arrears put on me. Effectively I feel like she is holding me to ransom as she can demand what she likes, by threatening to make a phone call to CSA.

And all of this is from a mother who in my opinion is not fit for purpose. Just recently she spent the CSA received from the father of her eldest 3 children on a pet Lizard for herself at the cost of £100. Not satisfied with this unnecessary waste of hard-earned money, she spent another £150 on a second Lizard and supplies out of her Child Tax Credits. The following month, she bought a secondhand iPhone (£150) with the CSA money received. And this month just gone she spent £350 on a new pet Chihuahua dog for herself!!! She also spends her weekly child benefit on fake nails and hair dye on a weekly basis.

Now, I have no problem paying for my daughter and I contribute what I can afford based on my other outgoings and my daughter sleeps at my home every night and stays with me every weekend, but I have a real serious problem in having to bail my ex out by giving her more because she is so reckless with money and doesn’t even spend it on her kids or on my daughter. CSA, Child Tax Credits and Child Benefit are there to pay for the children, are they not?

What can I possibly do about this situation? I either have to accept her demands and pay up when she asks for it (knowing it will not be spent on my daughter anyway) or face the constant threat of CSA.

It honestly feels like hell and I cannot believe that a person would take someone else’s hard earned cash and waste it the way she does. Is there anything that can be done about situations like this? I would almost consider it fraud or child abuse as she is depriving her children of their fathers money, for her own selfish needs.


  • warren says:

    dude , stop paying her . The csa calculate how much you are to pay based on over night contact , seeing as your little one stays with you every night , your ex should be paying you the max amount . my advice , call her bluff .

  • Richie says:

    Sounds like you would be better taking HER to the CSA if you have the kid over night! You shouldnt need to pay her anything!

  • Sally says:

    Do you have any evidence that you have paid her child maintenance and who has the child benefit book for your daughter??

    The CSA are the most useless organisation on the planet and employ rejects in high unemployment areas to provide guidance and help… a couple of employees have been sent to prison for theft and the majority are thickwits who will lie and fabricate information to ensure they get their bonus…. if there is any way you can avoid going to the CSA i’d suggest you do so…

    If however, you do have to go through CSA then you will only be accountable from the day your the CSA contacts you for payment, so if your ex has not contacted them before for your daughter then you will not have arrears, however, if she did contact them before then it’s possible you will incur arrears especially if your ex lies and denies you have given her money (CSA will ALWAYS believe the PWC.. no matter what – they need the PWC onside to ensure they have a job)…

    Good luck…

  • gonk says:

    this typifies what im dead against and why…We have no control over how and even if the money robbed from us is actually spent on the kids..we know of cause in most cases it aint, its just pissed up the wall by the mother on her own pleasures…maybe during this hot weather my daughter will be brought an icecream from the £320 her skank whore mother gets out of me….and the csa don’t give a flying fuck…..bastards all of them

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