If my ex refuses to pay then he can stay out of our life

September 19, 2014

I started a case with the CSA in August 2008, they contacted my ex husband and told him he had to pay £38.00 a week for our daughter, well thats whenthe problems started.

He refused to pay, so he then had arrears, he then went on sickness benefit in Jan 2009, to which I had £5.00 a week from his benefit, this he stayed on till Dec 2009, seemed to take a long time for a small ear op to heal.

Then again he was contacted by the CSA, as his benefit had stopped, he then started using the excuse of ” I’m living off my wifes wages, i do not work”, I then received NO money at all, 6 months past and I heard that he was working, so I contacted the CSA to ask if they would ascess him again, to which theyfound that he still had arrears of £660.00 for the period August 2008 – Jan 2009.

He was ordered through the courts that he had to pay the £660.00 in a lump sum, as he could not pay it, saying he had no work it then went back to court, he was allowed to pay off the arrears monthly, £29.00 per month. Allthis time he was still using the excuse that he was living off his wifes money so the normal CSA payments didnt exist, but he never once claimed JSA or any other benefit.

I know this is a lie, as I have seen him working, he is self employed and gets payed in cash, the csa told me to inform the tax evasion office of this, which I did, this was 12 Months ago, I recently phone the Csa to see if anything had changed, and they informed me that, a, they couldnt reascess the case as I have no idea of who and where he works, b, that they do not ask the tax office for the outcome of any tax evasion case, as they do not the power to do so, but they did tell me that it is still on the system that he is living off his wifes earnings and he does not work.

This is a huge joke, as I know where she works, and I know how much she earns, I know what their mortgage payments are, and she does not earn enough, to cover the cost of a mortgage, run two vehicals, mobile phone contracts, cable tv and net, get drunk every friday night and go abroad every year.

So as the CSA informed me of this I have decided to stop taking MY daughter over for his contact, as i work part time I know longer have the money for petrol to take her, and also because he insisted on having stated on the contact order that he has Parental Responsibilty, and after the judge explained this to him, he has to give emotional and financial support, as he does none of these, I am no longer taking her over.

As I read on another csa site, ” If you dont want the men in your life, but still want their money”, well that works both ways, “we dont get your money, so stay out of our life”.

I am now thinking of closing the case with the CSA as there is nothing they can do anymore.


  • jo says:

    I agree, I’ve seen first hand what damage it does to stop a child seeing the other parent….and all over money, is it ever worth it?

    I’m a PwC to 2 children, I’d rather have my children’s dad play a role in their lives instead of his money…sadly I don’t have either, his choice and his loss, not one I forced upon him. It’s fine as we’re okay and managing fine….but no way if he wanted to be there I would stop contact, that’s not my right

    You seem to know an awful lot about your ex and his wife’s financial affairs….could this be the reason why they’re being so evasive? CSA are a law onto themselves and maybe they’re telling you one thing and him another to keep you at loggerheads.

  • Lisa says:

    Another nasty woman doing the “pay per view” what’s up does money rule all now? Do you dangle your child in front of your ex in exchange for money? You should be ashamed

  • Nathan janes says:

    A child is not a weapon, in time your child will see what her father is actually like and will make her own call, I wouldn’t stop contact bug I would tell him that if he wants to see her then he now needs to make arrangement and not leave it to you sort out….not all men are like him…….

  • Richard Gent says:

    Hi Sharon
    I do sympathise with your situation. The Father should maintain his responsibilities and pay his way. But for you to deny contact, it is having 2 negative effects: –

    1. By retaliating, you are upping the ante and giving him an excuse to do something hurtful back to you, or your daughter.
    2. You are denying your child the right to see her Father. That is inexcusable unless there is a serious and proven threat of abuse towards her.

    Might I suggest you still let him see your daughter. Perhaps you could say that due to financial difficulties, he will have to come over to you to collect your daughter. Let her have overnight stays. That way, he will have to pay for meals, days out, treats etc.
    If he wants to behave like an arse, then your daughter will see through it in time and not want to see him anyway. And if you allow your daughter every opportunity to see her Dad, then you occupy the moral high ground. And when your child grows up, she will understand and have no resentment at least towards you.

    Best of luck and keep chasing the Tax people as you deserve to be supported financially.

  • >