I want to give money to the person who’s actually looking after my kids – what can I do?

July 13, 2013

hello ill try and keep this as short as possible basically after the break up of my relationship(i have 2 sons now aged almost 16 and almost 15), my father has raised both children-i see them both at weekends and during the week(ive never missed). and i pay £80 per month to the mother now in 10 days my eldest is 16 and wants to “officially”live with his grandad.

Now i want to stop half of the £80 i give her per month and give this money to my dad, it seems fair enough to me coz shes never looked after them anyway but my dad is frightened that she will stop him “having them stay” if i did this before they turn 16. Ive wanted to bring this to the attention of the authorities many years ago but he begged me not to now what would be the right way to go about this?

i havent got an attachment to my wages its all been amicable so far the csa told me that if we could sort this out ourselves they wouldnt get involved(this was several years ago)

thanks a lot jarrod


  • Sally says:

    Your dad will need to be registered as person with care or responsibility for your son and he should be claiming child benefit for your son, if this happens then the CSA will have less of a problem or excuse not to help you…

    The idiots at the CSA work on the basis that whomever claims child benefit should get child maintenance… They are lazy and will avoid real work (getting involved if your ex claims child benefit for both children)….

    I’d try to keep it private if I was you and explain to your ex that you want to give money to your dad for your son.. Fingers crossed she is decent enough to agree….

  • Chris says:

    Why have you been paying the Mother if the children do not live with her? If your Dad has raised the children and they pretty much live fulltime with him then absolute shame on her for one, not signing over the child benefit to whomever is raising her kids, and 2 not making an extra contribution of her own – to the household in which they are living.

    It is the Mother that should be contributing to your Dads household. After all you are both really NRP’s? No wonder shes being “amicable” – shes laughing all the way to the bank receiving all the benefits for raising 2 kids that shes not raising and by the sounds of it calling all the shots to boot. I wonder does she receive working tax credit/child tax credit as well, that she doesnt share either.
    Disgusting, i feel sorry for you and your family and wish it was easier to sort out but this is the CSA and they purposely make simple things needlessly complex and overcooked for no other reason than yep, financial gain.
    Surely the PWC has to have the kids a certain amount of nights to qualify for maintenece, can you prove she doesnt? I would seek some advice. Sometimes when its an argument between the parents about discrepancies of overnights, they send you both out a calendar and you mark down exactly where the kids are for a certain length of time and send it back to them. Good luck.

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