I want my child to know that his father did his fair share
September 17, 2014
My son is nearly 10 he sees his dad every other weekend nearly 52 days a year I have not received any money of him for over 8 years to contribute to my son apart from 60 pound last year to help pay for school trips.
What ever his dad buys him be it clothes or toys I have never seen anything as he makes sure he brings nothing to my house he has started working away a lot at the moment Germany I not sure what his job is but he relays on me to sort our son out when he away.
This Times it’s for three weeks so my son will be at home for the three weeks and is a bit upset about that .his dad’s wife has not offered to help and have him witch I think is unfair they have a baby which is his half sister but they don’t have time for my son witch brings me to this point.
I have never wanted anything from his dad but he can’t keep leaving his son behind at weekends and I think it’s now time to make him realise what he has as well as his new family.
I want to make sure my son has money for his future and so he knows his dad has done his fair share in making that possible……. thank you I now need to know what step are to be made to claiming csa for my child.
I go through exactly the same thing… My ex goes away for weeks on end travelling and months on end with work at times. Don’t get a penny and he never offers to help with maintenance and again with the toys…they aren’t allowed over my home.ring csa and give them all the details you know. They’ll do the rest. Look online and youl find the number to phone them. They’ll backdate any payment from the minute you ring up! My ex has been that stupid that nearly 300 quid a month out of his bank balance is being paid to me for arrears! If he’s not stupid hel pay straight away without making it worse for himself.
Wow….dad does his fair share, 52 days a year! Is that because you restrict his contact because you think you’re the better parent?
And so what if dad is buying stuff and leaving it at his house…nothing wrong in that. Why should you benefit from it? Chance are that his stuff would get chucked in the bin anyway.
And if you have an issue with money, why didn’t you pull your finger out of your arse all those years ago?
Typical male reply! Pathetic! There are many women out there raising their children without getting a penny from the father because the father is more interested in his new like and family and begrudges even a penny on his other children and these mums STILL give full access!!! At the end of the day when the children are old enough and see that mummy has raised them financially, emotionally and physically and never stopped access but yet the father still doesn’t pay and picks and chooses when he sees his children so its convenient for him, the children will want nothing to do with their father when they are grown up and will end up disliking their absent father because he didn’t put his hand in his pocket to help raise them and give them the things they needed when growing up. Fathers leaving their children in poverty is disgusting all because the men want their ex wife’s to suffer and that’s why they don’t pay for their children, absolutely nothing to do with contact as there are millions of women out there allowing full contact as and when the father can be bothered and they still don’t pay to raise their children! All you mums out there who allow full access and still don’t get a penny to help raise the children, hold your heads up high, your doing the right thing and the children will love you forever for it and will wonder and ask question to their so called dads saying why did you leave us to struggle, why didn’t you help buy food, school clothes, shoes and other essentials to help us live a normal life and not feel like the poor kids at school! You men will have to live with that for the rest of your lives!
What is wrong with the child having a separate environment where they can just be with the nrp (normally the father)
However 52 nights a year is not fair is it ?
Why not see if you can agree on 50/50 so that way the child will benefit rather than using the CSA ?
Again is this another case of cash for access ? I hope not and I hope you guys sort it out
A child’s happiness outweighs an adults ego/greed everyday in my book
Everything I buy for my son stays at my house so he has clothes, toys and his own bits at our house otherwise he would feel like he was staying in someone else’s home rather than his second home.
I fail to see your problem, he see him every other weekend, some children are either stopped all together or don’t get a chance to see their father at all so rather than causing friction because of your own jealousy with his new relationship and family by bringing the terrible sham that is the csa into the mix why don’t you sit down with him like an adult, voice your concerns and come to an agreement. The csa will only get you money (not if he’s working in Germany) it doesn’t demonstrate to your son that his father did anything. Your son wants his dad’s time and company not his wallet, that’s what you want.
Put your son’s needs before your own, tell his father that he isn’t spending enough time with him, maybe he’s got distracted with his new family and working away, a gentle reminder might help him realise what he’s missing. Csa will cause resentment and it just looks like a bitter response.
I may sound like a typical male but my ex wont let my child bring any toy she has bought. I pay csa and I want more contact yet their mother feels this contact is fair.
1 week have sun 10am – 6pm
Next week
Sat 10am to sun 10am
This is a weekly fortnightly pattern on her grounds professionals feel its wrong but as children reside with her she feels she rules.
Unlike many men (some wonen) I am goung to court for more contact as shes not thinkibg whats right for kids I feel abd have backing os social services.
So I say why sould some people be allowed to have different rules.
My children are allowed take aby toys I buy back to their mothers but I always ask for it to be returned and not destroyed.
So because he has a new family it’s seems you are jealous!! As dad is working away it’s not the responsibility of his partner to have your child….Jill… It works both ways, there are also ‘millions’ of women denying access because they will receive more Csa, that’s a fact. Those children caught up in that will also see how spiteful and selfish their mothers have been.
For me, I wouldn’t care about the money, just having custody would be enough, to wake up every morning and put my boy to bed every night, is that not enough?
So wrapped up in money, to get “paid” for being a parent to your own children its pathetic.
I haven’t been allowed to see my son now for 13 months for no other reason than my ex doesn’t want me too. She gets about £500 a month but it isn’t enough, not even to let me speak to him on the phone.
I would sacrifice everything I have, every penny, my own soul to see my son and if I had custody I wouldn’t ask for anything from her, as long as she was seeing him regularly so he had both parents in his life then that’s payment enough.
Some people are so blinded by their own greed that they can’t see what’s right in front of them, the most important part of their existence.
I love how the males reply because they hate paying maintenance haha!! I don’t think this woman is jealous at all! I think it’s only right if she thinks the father is taken the piss and coming and going as he pleases. Why should his new child be better off than his first? Not all men are the same but a lot of them are on here. The law isn’t gonna change because you all don’t like handing money over to your ex 🙂
Not everyone is childish and I’m sure this lady wouldn’t spite her child and put toys in the bin! I’m sure she probably is a better parent! I know I am. She won’t benefit from the toys but it’s spiting her child that they’re not allowed over.
Cheryl once again you swan in with your anti-father bullshit assuming that all men “hate paying maintenance” which is the attitude of a typical bitter woman who uses the csa and a child as a weapon to beat a father with.
I don’t hate paying maintenance, I hate paying csa because the csa gives bitter, nasty, spiteful women the power to get paid for having children while denying access.
If my ex only got her £500 a month if I was entitled to access, I’d see him when ever I wanted but as she can cut me out, denying my son his father despite HIS pleas to see me and still get all the money, that’s exactly what she does.
I dislike men who don’t pay as much as women who deny access but the system is not fair, it’s all about getting money for women not giving children the proper life they deserve, both parents.
Haha blah blah blahhhhh
What a mature and well measured response, you are the typical bitter ex.
I bet you got knocked up by clown, spent a few years as a bitter single parent, squeezing as much csa money out of the father while convincing yourself and everyone around you how useless he is and how wonderful you are as a parent, denying him access the whole time.
Now maybe a few years down the line you’ve filled the gap with a new boyfriend, got your kid(s) calling him daddy and have become all high and mighty about your perfect parenting, lifestyle and existence.
So now you’re on here to degrade all father’s because you’re still angry deep down about how your own kids father turned out.
You hit the nail on the head Ben
Haha how can I use csa to beat a father with it when he’s never paid for a whole year and still had access. I think you should maybes know the story before commenting
I get no csa and my sons dad chooses not to be part of his life… wonder what you super judgemental anti women people have to say about that?
Thanks Cheryl I usually get really nasty replies from absent fathers and their new wife’s who seem to tarr all us mothers with care as money grabbing people who use their children as a bargaining tool. Pisses me off as there are millions of mums out there like us who struggle to raise our children allow our nasty ex’s full contact and still don’t get a penny help from them. Like the other lady my children’s dad won’t let them bring toys or clothes back from his house to mine! Extremely pathetic as I have never kept anything and allow my children to take it back if they wanted to in fact he was the one who kept anything including the children’s clothes I packed when they saw him and then he would keep it so I would be left in even more poverty because he was keeping their decent clothes I sent them in!!! I now have to put them in rough play clothes and send them with nothing else when then spend weekends with his as I had got to a stage where he was keeping everything I had no clothes to put on my children’s backs. This is a bloody sad world and the government need to come down much harder on absent fathers who don’t want to pay to raise their children, there should be no excuse what so ever to not want to contribute towards keeping a child alive x
How very one sided! I think you’ll find on average it’s the Fathers who are getting the rough end of the stick! The CSA is all about giving the mother control over the father financially! Why should I pay money to my ex for which I know is not being spent on my kids? It is being used to finance her lifestyle!!! I.e. Clothes, nights out drinking and having meals! I would happily spend every last penny I had on my kids as long as I could be 100% sure my kids were benefitting from it! She sits on her arse on benefits and with my CSA payments gets £2800 pound a month! My kids get free school dinners, she gives them cereal for breakfast and feeds them dinner 4 times a week (usually crap from Iceland) I feed them the rest of the week as I have them every weekend! I also buy all their clothes cos she claims poverty and sends them out in clothes that don’t fit cos she knows I wouldn’t let them wear old and I’ll fitting clothes and end up buying clothes for them! And you spew your hard done by usual single mother clap trap! You need to start taking responsibility! The world doesn’t owe you a living and neither does your ex partners Ladies!!!!
I totally agree Jill! I have the same bother and I have to do exactly the same! Everything I was sending over just didn’t come back. Even though me and my new partner work full time, I have been in a situation where I wasn’t working and he still never bothered with maintenance and comes and goes as he pleases! Tables have turned now where me and my partner work full time, lovely apartment and csa have just finally caught up with him. It’s his own silly fault for not putting his priorities first. It’s bit him on the bum. There should defo be tougher laws for fathers who don’t bother. They spend too much time trying to get at their exs they forget about their babies. I sympathise for any woman who brings up their children single handedly,allows contact and has nothing but grief for it. Men should pay and if they want to twist about it, they shouldn’t have children. Men make them selves sound so stupid on here x
Grow up you stupid little man!!! Try actually reading what we have put or do you need help with that!!! You are obviously so jealous of your ex wife that it your head you decide what she is spending the money on! At the end of the day you helped make those children so you bloody well pay for them!
Ben you need to read messages and get your facts right!!!! We are giving our ex’s full access!!!!!!! We are not using our children as weapons!!!!! We are putting our children first!!!!!! So why them do these men still not pay a penny to help support their children!!!!!!!!!
Well well Ben you sound like a very nasty horrid father! I wonder why you have not been able to see your child???? Obviously you are not telling the whole story!!!!! A mother cannot stop her children seeing the father unless there is a safety issue!!!!! No court in this county will let a mother stop the father having access, again unless there is a safety issue!!!!!! So I wonder why you can’t get access?????? Hummmmmm
And Ben!!! Unfortunately money does matter!!!!! Love doesn’t put food in a child’s mouth and clothes on their backs!!!!!
What men, who are you talking about? I pay, always have done.
Love the Bob responce, sums up MOST Bitter mothers and their attitude. Onto the main point tho, the bloke sounds okay, he is working away, there isn’t much he can do about that…..but to keep bringing up the “i never ask for anything” card means one day you will hit him for CSA, and that is where it will all go wrong.
‘Haha blah blah blahhhhh’…
The troll has finally and very obviously given her game away…
2/10 Cheryl. 😉