I pay for ex and her boyfriend to go on holiday with my children’s money

January 25, 2013

I applied to pay my ex wife Rebecca Fisher child support through the CSA back in May 2012 as she was asking me for far too much when I moved into my own house with my new wife in April.

I was asked to make a list of any purcheses or any money payments I made to Rebecca for my children as voluntary payment I did this which included school uniforms I had brought for my sons, shoes and Trainers for all 3 of my children, along with payments made for Claudia to be taken to school from Rebecca’s house to her school in Retford, my sons snack monies at school. glasses for Claudia and Thomas which all added up to £500 in total. CSA ask Rebecca if she accepted this as part payment and she said no because this was for our children at my house even though the children’s uniforms are kept at her home not mine as are their shoes etc and the school minibus is from her home not mine.

At this point i was having my children friday, saturday and sunday nights so how is this for my own home purpose? Its not its for my children while in Rebecca’s care as thewy go to school from her house apart from a monday morning. Rebecca then sent in a claim for child support in after myself and I understand that it goes on the womans claim, however CSA didn’t finish the request until July 2012 so I was in arrears then they didn’t sort the direct debit mandates out properly putting me further into arrears, when I asked how much arrears I owed in front of the citizens Advice bureau it was £421 altogether.

However they still hadn’t sorted the direct debit mandate out with my bank so said they were going to take it straight out of my wages which we sorted out when they realised it was their mistake and not mine. They wanted to take a lump sum of £394 out of my bank account even though I have 2 children living with me, a wife and a home to run as well as paying to look after Thomas and Alex while they stay with me during school holidays, when they are off school ill and Claudia, Thomas and Alex when Rebecca goes away on her many holidays and mini breaks away from our children with her boyfriend which is every bank holiday, her birthday, Christmas and New Year, Easter, every other weekend, after she has taken our children for a Monday afternoon til Friday morning holiday.

I spend 99.9% of the time bringing our sons up and all the rest with Claudia, although Claudia will not stay at my house due to her brothers having to walk through her bedroom to go downstairs to the bathroom or get up, I am however always with her during the daytime until she goes to sleep at my parents. I made a complaint and a man called Steve was dealing with it. Steve told Rebecca it was alright for Claudia to stay at my parents however when talking to me said that if she stays with my parents during the night its not classed as myself looking after her even though its only while she is sleeping I am not there.

I agree that Claudia doesn’t sleep at my house but I am still looking after her buying her things and with her all day and evening. However how is it classed as Rebecca looking after Claudia when she is not with Rebecca she is with my parents not even Rebecca’s? If She is not allowed to stay with my parents when she is in my care then I shouldn’t be made to pay full child support when none of our children are in Rebecca’s care because she has dumped them on myself, my wife and my parents while she goes on all her holidays and mini breaks where I am paying to feed my children at my house and for my parents to feed them as my parents are only receiving state pension so cannot afford to keep my children as well as pay their bills.

It seems to me as though I am paying Rebecca to go on holiday with her boyfriend with my children’s money while I bring our children up and pay for their keep so I am paying twice for my children. I am still having to pay for my children’s glasses, things for school and have made a payment to claudia’s minibus while Rebecca was on holiday in Egypt and Turkey with her boyfriend without our children, as well as her constant drinking binges at weekends when my children are with me. I am not seeing the money being spent on my children at all, I had to purchase some new shoes for Thomas out of my mothers catalogue because Rebecca wouldn’t buy him no new shoes for school before Christmas. She hasn’t even brought our sons new shirts or trousers for our sons for school as they have grown out of the uniform I brought them when they started back in September.

She hasn’t even brought Thomas a winter coat out of the money I have paid her. I was told not to pay the end of November’s payment as I paid a £398 payment on the 4th November then they wanted me to pay another payment of £365 on the 21st November. I only get £1100 per month on the 25th so how am I suppose to pay my rent, keep a roof over my 2 stepsons heads as well as my wife and then my own sons heads every school holiday, weekend and when Rebecca is away? She does not give me the child tax credits to feed my children while she is away. It works out that I end up having my sons for 265 days a year and she has them for the rest and my daughter she only has her for 160 days a year.

I have recently started receiving child tax credits from the 7th December 2012 as I filled the form in over the phone and sent my diary for 2012 off to them as well as sending it off to the child benefit which I have not heard about as of yet. I am filing for custody of my sons as my daughter has decided she wishes to stay with her mother. If you need a copy of the diary for last year i can send it to you or you can get it from the CSA as they have my calandar for last year. Rebecca didn’t even have our children at Christmas as she went on holiday resulting in her having our children from 2pm Christmas eve until 9.45am Christmas day morning, she didn’t even see Alex or Claudia on their birthdays as she was on holiday.

If I have to pay Rebecca for Claudia while sleeps at my parents I would like a letter stating that she is to stay with Rebecca because otherwise she is not in Rebecca’s care which I am not willing to pay for Rebecca not to look after our children and I am not willing to pay Rebecca for myself looking after my sons when she should be looking after them not me. I have my sons 14 days out of every 28 which is classed as shared cared according towards the law!

If this is not resolved I will be taking it to the press and the European courts because this is unfair justice.


  • chall says:


    A NRP does have to be with the child over night, for it to count for shared care reduction.

    As far as the CSA are concerned, once a NRP liability has been calculated, that amount is due for the day to day living costs of the child/ren.
    Extra’s such as clothes etc are at the NRP’s discretion.

    Unfortunately, whilst you cover all the extra’s for your children, it’s easy for your ex not to have to make the effort – If you can afford to continue, that’s fine. If not, you need to make up your mind what to do.
    I know it’s difficult, none of us want to see our child/ren go without. If you do wish to carry making some of the extra contributions, would it be possible to suggest to your ex you go halves?


  • browned off says:

    I am not sure why extras such as clothing and shoes should be at the NRPs discretion. When there is a shared residence order in place, these things are essential as are other items, such as socks, underclothes, pyjamas, etc. Some mothers are happy to co-operate and share clothes, though it is not really in the best interest of the children when they are living with the NRP almost half time as these items should be readily available to the children. . In my son’s case, his ex. will text if he has not returned a pair of socks!

  • h8mmer says:

    Does it not show what sort of a mother they have if they decide to send their own children without the essentials though.

    Their clothes have already been purchased so what harm does it do other than try to see the NRP struggle to not only pay for maintenance but also new clothes which get worn very briefly (the contact norm is far less than 50% access) before they grow out of them.

    My x used to send my kids in rags to mine for no other reason than hurting me.
    And how do 2 children require £500 a month for day to day living costs during the month especially when their mother has a mortgage free house at the expense of yours truly. No child requires that amount of heating and electricity and food.

    This sytem is a complete and utter shambles geared towards evil women who don’t give a monkeys about their own kids and just want new handbags and holidays.
    Scum sucking filth is what they are.

  • Sally says:

    @ hammer – what you forgot to add was on top of the £500 you mention, the PWC receives Child benefit, child tax credits AND working tax credits (if they work)…. It’s absolutely ridiculous that NRPs get no help at all!!

    @ the author – unfortunately the CSA rules and staff are not interested in being reasonable toward the NRPs…. They just want your money and your kids could be walking around naked and neglected for all they care… The CSA puts us all in terrible situations and yours is to decide if you want to continue buying your kids the ‘extras’ that your child maintenance should pay for as standard I.e. clothes!

  • j says:


    Not even sure what to say about your personal circumstances, it all sounds pretty awful.

    As far as your dealings with the csa are concerned –

    This isnt the csa its an open forum so don’t give names/details etc especially of children.

    Don’t deal with the csa by phone, everything in writing, sent recorded, keep the receipts.

    Copy your MP into everything and try and get them involved as your advocate.
    Make a formal complaint about any decision you are unhappy with from the outset as time limits are involved. Always go for an appeal tribunal asap following the internal process.

    Get a copy of your Data Protection prints from the outset so you know what you are dealing with, again follow the correct procedure in wording your request to get ALL information, send it to the right department, send the correct fee.

    Don’t be afraid to complain about any csa staff, or their superiors if you feel you have just cause.

    Remember the process, internal complaint, ‘independent’ case examiner (the csa protection department), appeals tribunal, parliamentry and health service ombudsman through your mp for maladministration.

  • >