I know from his lifestyle that he can afford more for his daughter

July 9, 2013

The CSA formulated that my ex should pay around £90 a month based on the information he provided them. I think it’s unfair that they do not take in consideration of his actualy assets. But I guess we can only go by the rules. I know from his lifestyle that he can afford more for his daughter. I never asked him for maintenance for myself as I have my pride.

Recently I found out from his form E that he has been cashing his pension. He bragged to me about it verbally but only recently I have his bank statements to proove this for the year just passed. He had denied to the CSA when asked has he indeed been cashing his pension. Have anybody been through similar situation? Can anybody here advise me on whether or not his payments can be backdated?

Should cashing pension be included as income? Or even, does Barclays Stockbrokers Limited withdrawals in his bank account means he is cashing his pension? He admitted on his form E to be cashing his shares. Is this different to cashing pension? Thanks in advance. Trace.

Comments

  • Adrian says:

    Reading lines 7 and 8 the pure that that you say you never asked for maintenance for yourself makes you a greedy good for nothing pwc. People like you should be strung up. How much do you think It takes for a child to survive ?? Would it be fair to say that it’s both your responsibility to bring your child up ?? Yet you portray that is your ex partners responsibility ??
    I think it is fair to say that your just out to get as much as you possibly can and that the intrest of your child is second.

  • Sally says:

    Are you for real Trace2013?!? asked for maintenance for yourself?!?! what on earth is this country encouraging… people like you who think they are ENTITLED to money you have NOT WORKED FOR!!!

    Forget about child benefit, working tax credits and child tax credits that all MONEY you PWC get for NOTHING… what do YOU actually contribute to your daughters upbringing?!?! How on earth you can expect more from your childs father than £90 on top of all the FREE money you get is absolutely disgusting….

    If you had any pride you would not be humiliating yourself the way you just did…. you put shame on the real PWC’s and females who have pride….

    Do you provide a breakdown of every penny you spend on your child??? no, I don’t think you do…..

  • Ex wife says:

    Hi Adrian. I am the original poster. Exactly. How much do you think a child need to survive? It depends on the standard of living one expects. I agree totally that it is exactly both parents responsibility. How do you know I do not work? You sound so bitter, you may actualy be him. Mind you, his spelling’s much worst than your’s. I do not need to justify myself on the matter, but it’s actualy my ex who stopped working almost as soon as he moved out. From previously earning £70k a year. One might wonder, why? You accused me of not working like everyone else? Despite of my degree, I would even took the only job that I thought would not disrupt daughter’s childcare. Wiping people’s bottom in a local nursing home, while my bitter ex literally fatten himself.
    I suggest you to take a balanced approach in life, if not already. It’s pathetic how you make comment just based on certain line. I spend much more than the £90 he pays a month, on our daughter alone. I mentioned about spouse maintenance only because it’s what a resident parent very often gets. I also known of a male resident parent gets it from working ex-wife.
    I do not know you and should not judge you based on a mere e-mail. But to me you come across as one of those men who bully housewives.
    With my 11 yo’s recent school results, speaking 3 languages, playing piano, healthy and happy, it does not bother me you accusing me of putting my daughter first. I am here to get advise from people who might have ideas or been through the CSA matter I’m facing. I don’t suppose you think it’s OK to lie about your income to the CSA? If yes, then I feel sorry for the children of cowardly men like you and my ex-Hub. No matter how much covering the Mothers do, there is still risk that they will find out themselves how pathetic their Dads are. If, and only if by any chance you are actualy my ex Hub, please don’t use Adrian’s name? Oh, and you are such a man for stopping CSA payment. As if your missing £90 a month would make much different? It’s sick from the beginning.

  • Ex wife says:

    I lost my login password but got link of your responses through my email. For Sally, who are you to say I do not count every penny? What I expect is what is fair. Even if it is less than £90. It sickens me to see non resident parents lie, crying that they live in poverty, when they only shop in Waitrose. No, I do not ask for maintenance and I’m proud of it. You do not know me and what myself, my boyfriend and my family spend on our daughter.
    My boyfriend have an ex wife who we have to provide as well. I do know what greedy women are and I do not need you to tell me I embarrasse my gender. What is wrong with expecting a fair amount of Child Support? If your partner was a GP, would you be happy with £90 a month? I do not know you so, unlike you, I will not be hasty and say,”I don’t think so.” The free money I get never was enough just for her needs. That is her need. I never confuse my spending with her’s.

  • Trace2013 says:

    Hi Adrian. I am the original poster. Exactly. How much do you think a child need to survive? It depends on the standard of living one expects. I agree totally that it is exactly both parents responsibility. How do you know I do not work? You sound so bitter, you may actualy be him. Mind you, his spelling’s much worst than your’s. I do not need to justify myself on the matter, but it’s actualy my ex who stopped working almost as soon as he moved out. From previously earning £70k a year. One might wonder, why? You accused me of not working like everyone else? Despite of my degree, I would even took the only job that I thought would not disrupt daughter’s childcare. Wiping people’s bottom in a local nursing home, while my bitter ex literally fatten himself.
    I suggest you to take a balanced approach in life, if not already. It’s pathetic how you make comment just based on certain line. I spend much more than the £90 he pays a month, on our daughter alone. I mentioned about spouse maintenance only because it’s what a resident parent very often gets. I also known of a male resident parent gets it from working ex-wife.
    I do not know you and should not judge you based on a mere e-mail. But to me you come across as one of those men who bully housewives.
    With my 11 yo’s recent school results, speaking 3 languages, playing piano, healthy and happy, it does not bother me you accusing me of putting my daughter first. I am here to get advise from people who might have ideas or been through the CSA matter I’m facing. I don’t suppose you think it’s OK to lie about your income to the CSA? If yes, then I feel sorry for the children of cowardly men like you and my ex-Hub. No matter how much covering the Mothers do, there is still risk that they will find out themselves how pathetic their Dads are. If, and only if by any chance you are actualy my ex Hub, please don’t use Adrian’s name? Oh, and you are such a man for stopping CSA payment. As if your missing £90 a month would make much different? It’s sick from the beginning.

  • Trace2013 says:

    Dear Sally. If the legal system asks me to provide a breakdown, yes I will. I asked a question, whether cashing in on pension in reality is considered as an income. What’s wrong with that? If the answer is no, then fine. Meanwhile, I have contacted the CSA and was told that cashing in on pension should have been admitted to the CSA. They asked him on the phone and my ex denied it. I have since sent the CSA copies of his bank statements that I legally obtained through the Court as part of our divorce process. The CSA will recalculate the amount he should have paid.
    You do not know me but yes I’m aware that there are lots of people who easily judge on other.
    What’s wrong with saying I do not even ask for spouse maintenance? I’m proud that I don’t and will never do. Many women do and just sit at home doing nothing, or worse, do drugs and drinking.
    For our daughter, I do not receive more than the child benefit of £20.30 weekly and child tax credit £61.52 weekly. That’s all the, as you put it, free money that I get. He put the house we live in under a trust so I legally not eligible for income support or whatever. What I contribute, financially would be all my savings gone by now, the part time job I did while my ex purposely stopped working in 2009 soon after he left. My mother abroad lend me money now that she knows he stopped paying the CSA. This despite him preventing me taking daughter to see them since 2009. I do not even receive one of those free council tax. Total of my savings gone? Since 2009 been around £6k. At the moment I got CJA for water bill and in arrears. Which may not have to happen had he pay what he should, no more no less. Or if he hasn’t dragged our divorce so long, preventing me to move on. Please don’t tell me not to spend money on myself. I do not smoke, drink nor live lavish lifestyle. My daughter, as my ex insists, only been bought stuffs from certain shops. Ie, only shoes from Clarks. I have to comply, not to allow him to again say,”why Mummy didn’t take you to Clarks.” I myself am happy to buy only when I need and from charity shops.
    Other than love and finance, I help her with her studies, she’s more than average. She plays piano and speaks two foreign languages. The two have nothing to Dad’s contribution.
    I wonder if your ex was a GP you’d be happy if he lies to the CSA and only pay £90 a month. To add insult to injury, he has recently stopped paying maintenance. I guess it’s his way of punishing me for passing information to the CSA and having asking the court to freeze his assets until the divorce is finallised. What his assets got to do with me? It has allow him to finance his acts of delaying the divorce, not having to work just to manipulate CSA and paying private solicitors. Not all men are victims you know? Not all women asking for fair Child Support are greedy.

  • Adrian says:

    Be carefull how you put it then and you wouldn’t get slated. £90 of your ex. Darn right you should contribute as well to your daughters up keep. All this talk of pensions and that won’t help you on here. Your just making yourself look greedy. As for a job ?? I don’t think I mentioned whether you worked or not. ??

  • Adrian says:

    Oh and one other thing I am not your ex. I actually pay towards my child’s up keep. An amount that is agreed by me and my ex. Basically in a nut shell you just want the same life style but without your ex. And your using your child to get it ?? The rules a simple. You split you loose the life style. We don’t give advice so pwc can abuse the system. And I mean by how much does a child need by that I say do you think. 1 year old baby should receive say £500 a month. Your as corrupt as the csa and there’s a possibility here that you could actually be working for them

  • Sally says:

    You are correct Trace I don’t know you but it is morally wrong for you or any other female to expect to be kept by your ex…. The legal system is unfair, it doesnt work the same in reverse (men being kept by women!) the legal system surrounding the CSA is even worse and discriminates against NRPs…. It breaches human rights and over 100 decent, paying fathers have killed themselves because of it!

    Both of you should contribute to your child but you seem to know an awful lot about your ex’s finances …. And should possibly get a Full time job to occupy your time
    As your daughter is 11 she could go to after school care….

    Well said Adrian 🙂

  • Macon says:

    Trace2013

    You slag your ex saying his spelling is worse than Adrian’s but for all his poor spelling you still take a lot to do with your ex partners lifestyle and his finances I would call you a parasite living off other people’s money this poor me i need Csa money to be kept in the lifestyle I am accustomed to is crap you get child benifit around 80 quid a month , your ex puts in 90 and if you put in 90 that’s 260 per month for the kid more than enough to bring a kid up and befor you slag my spelling I have dyslexia 🙂

  • Susan says:

    Ex Wife/Trace I’m with you 100% on this one. Raising children should be a joint effort (financially and otherwise) and the ex should contribute voluntarily. Most PWCs are reasonable and only resort to CSA because some NRPs act as if they have no responsibility towards their children or as if they do not realise how costly it is to bring up children.
    “Sally” sure you’re not a Sally- Dave, Adrian and Andrew I’ll reiterate on this post- You decide to have children= you contribute to their living expenses regardless of your relationship breaking down! So many of you moaning about paying money to your ex?? You are paying money towards the upbringing of the children you had TOGETHER with your ex! This is about your children NOT your ex and how much you hate them.
    Acting clueless about how costly it is to raise children is just playing ignorant (food, clothing, school trips, holidays, phones, toys, pocket money, afterschool clubs, uniform… endless list). I’m sure if you agreed to contributing willingly through direct debit for e.g, had that agreement put down in writing, you made a fair contribution and were consistent in your payments- the CSA WOULD NOT HAVE TO BE INVOLVED.
    As for spousal maintenance- this is only a consideration if marriage/relationship has broken down and one spouse has a significantly high income and the other ( male or female) was at home looking after the children or was on a much lower income…it is a legal consideration so no need to take issue with poster.

  • Jo says:

    Well its 90.00 more than I get for two kids which is zilch, do I moan, no, do I care no! I didn’t have children to use my ex as a cash machine nor to screw him over, it really gets you no where and causes more bitterness! I get help from child benefit and tax credits which is plenty to support yourself and children…whats wrong with budgeting and living within means?

    And knowing your ex’s finances is borderline creepy and pretty sure in breach of his data protection, which he can have you for…and you say you have pride?

    Also to insult someone’s spelling is pretty immature and nasty…I’m a wife who’s husband is severly dyslexic and his ex mocked him too because of it.

  • Trace2013 says:

    Dear Adrian, when you wrote that I should get,” If you want more money get a job like most mothers do. The money off him will help fund the daycare for your kid/s…”… does that not imply that you just concluded that I don’t work?

    To Sally, if you read carefully, I did say that I only got info about his finance through the divorce process. I don’t spend much time spying on him. Such that through legal procedure that I do myself without solicitors, only in 2013 it finally came out. As soon as things are feasible I will get a full time job.
    I agree the legal system can be unfair, happens to both men and women. My Boyfriend have to pay slight over £500 for maintenance to en wife he divorced in 9 years ago. That, despite only allowed to speak to his son on the phone once every other week and only have their son every other weekend. Even that only on court order recently, through lots of hard work dealing with court papers. He is also blacklisted from getting a mortgage, only because the ex purposely stopped paying her part of only £200 that the court decided she should pay, while he paid in £500 for her and their son to live in the property that was under his name. This is 4 bedrooms in Luton. She’s so bitter that now his house is repossessed, she and their son had to be evicted. The system can be unfair, and in this case, my bf is a victim for being blacklisted and more: their son is the biggest looser in how the system had allowed his Mum to cause all this. As I said, it’s not just women being victim. Men too. As for paying fathers have killed themselves, well I only know too well. My is a paying father. He doesn’t mind working hard to support the son, but at times in the past he’d wanted to kill himself due to how his ex sabotaged contact between him and their son.

    For my daughter to go to afterschool care, my Ex have told me through solicitor that if I can not take care of her myself, he will take her from me. He filled for residence, which was rejected by court and referred to the family court. We had the first hearing a couple of weeks ago. To be finallised in August. Some ex, are just so bitter that they’d drag one into court even when they know they will fail. Rather than get a job or letting me consentrate on our daughter.
    I do not asked to be kept by my ex. I do hope for him to help support her daughter, rather than telling her Mummy should only get you shoes from Clarks and teach her that Matalan is full of rubbish. Especialy when he only pay £90 a month. I have a degree, a postgard and still worked part time as a care assistant in a nursing home. I still managed to squeezed in doing -back to- A levels in maths, biology and AS for physics. Hopefully after all these court ends and after daughter old enough, I can’t wait to go back working full time. How is it for you to judge me for wanting to be kept by him?

    Macon, I wasn’t slagging my ex’s spelling. I was genuinely suspicious whether the poster was him. The things he said was something one can expect from my ex. Whose spelling is indeed of low quality. My ex that is, not the poster. Although I must say, perhaps he got an undiagnosed dyslexia? Again, my ex, not Adrian.
    You can call me what you want, it does not bother me. I appreciate that for some people £260 per month may be enough to bring up a child. It depends on one’s standard of living. But as I mentioned to Sally, not if your ex manipulate the child to believe she needs school shoes, trainers and sandals from Clarks. To have her feet measured there every 3months and keep buying every 1/2 size changes. “Tell Mum you are now size this and this.” Making her tries shoes there, writing down the numbers and telling her,”Tell her this is the code for the shoes you like.” — he’d probably like me to tell our daughter,”Clarks too expensive.” So he can then magically afford to take her back there and buy them for her. Becoming the hero. Telling her she should continue with her expensive piano lessons, despite it’s me and my Mum paying for it. In our situation, the amount you suggested would not be enough. Hence I spent more than his £90/month. I do not mind, have done so since 2009. If having analysed his bank statements, the CSA decided he should pay more for his daughter, I’d take it. If they say he should pay less, fine. At the moment it’s been 2 months he doesn’t pay, the CSA say there’s nothing they can do until it reaches £500 or 6 weeks (?) whichever comes first.
    How £260 would be enough when my water bill alone is already £50 a month. I’ve been advised to change it to meter by Anglian Water, but my ex refused. I can’t do anything as he legally owns the house (his name only on the mortgage despite I contributed). Her piano lesson in £20 per session, total cost depends on how many weeks in the month. I’d rather she learns from the little I know, which won’t cost. But again, I’m not the one to decide.
    I won’t slag anyone’s spelling. Never anyway, as far as I’m concerned.

    I originally wrote here, in search for information. But seems like this is not the place for such. Have done a quick research and read that actually many here are in the believe that the CSA should not even exist. Apologies if this does not apply to any of you reading this. For that possibility and mostly due to lack of time to waste, I will not be able to respond further.

    All the best for all and your children.

  • Macon says:

    You would be 50 quid a month for your water wether your kid stayed with you or not add for the recorded i have payed over 30 thousand quid maintinance for my kid , you only came on this site for information on how to embezzle more money out of your ex , you have no shame a parasite I was correct !!!!

  • Lisa says:

    Another scrounging parasite, gives goo4 mums a bad name, no shame, your a disgrace, all to line yiur own.pockets, get a grip, your whole life must obviously revolve aroubd your bank balance

  • topper says:

    Maybe now is as good a time as any for the original poster of this thread to apply for a variation, possibly Lifestyle inconsistent with income and also diversion of income. If this person were to contact the office dealing with the case, then advice on how to deal with the matter should be forthcoming from the CSA.

  • Sally says:

    @ Susan… Just noticed your comment… I can assure, I’m a female lol and not in any way related to anyone else you voiced their opinion… I just so happens that we share the same view point….

    No one is disputing that BOTH parents should pay. WHAT WE ARE ALL disputing is the formula the CSA use to determine how much should be paid…

    While you go on about how expensive it is to bring up a child you might ask yourself a question… Would you live in a cardboard box?? Serious question!!! NRPs are not subsidised by child benefit, child tax credits AND working tax credits but they still have to pay for a roof over their head, council tax, bills and buy food….. None of those things are done to keep money from a child, they are done because as HUMAN BEINGS we need food and shelter….. Not fancy cars or lavish life styles…

    People like you seem to think that all NRPs live a life of luxury.. Take away all your FREE money and see how long you could survive…. Better still how much could you afford to give your child…

  • dai says:

    the missing elephant in the room is how often does the child see the father.

    you said you wanted more money for after school care yet will not let the child stay with the father instead. that was a sensible approach by the father. more contact and allowing you to work?

    with an NRP in the house he should be telling you how it is. I can’t help wondering if you are chasing your ex to pay your boyfirends CSA. Whey should your ex give you any spousal maintenance when you have a boyfiend.

    you complain about living costs eg water bills but you are not a single mum and daughter you have a live in boyfriend – in your ex’s house for god’s sake yet you begrudge your daughter new shoes and piano lessons.

  • Macon says:

    Well said dai , this parasite wants her ex in the gutter and first dibs on his life time wage packet and after that a percentage of his pension !

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