I have been forced to forget I have a son for 11 years – why should I have to pay now?
My ex-partner became pregnant in 2002. months after we found out she was pregnant, she left me with no explanation. I found out she had told a friend that if she could get pregnant, she would be “set for life”. this coupled with her lack of explanation as to why she left leads me to think she was only with me for a baby.
Since the baby was born 11 years ago, I have never been allowed by my ex to see him. I have tried numerous times to come to an arrangement to pay her maintenance, but each time she knocked it back, saying she didn’t want me in the child’s life.
Now, after 11 years, she has gone to the CSA. How is this fair. I have been forced, for my own sanity to forget I have a son and pretend he doesn’t exist. She says she’s doesn’t want me as part of his life, and he doesn’t need a dad…..but she wants my money to support him.
I think parents should take responsability for their children, and pay to support them in all honesty, and if i had ever been allowed to get to know my son, i wouldnd’t have a problem paying the £200 a month they are asking. but the fact it, I really do not have a son (i hate myself for saying that…..but that’s what my ex has forced me to think).
Also…..Despite the fact I think it’s very unfair I should be paying this, i have complied fully, filled in all the paperwork and provided my bank details. the CSA have told me all my bank details are on the system. It has no been 3 months since i provided this information, and they still have not set up the direct debit. I rang them to tell them the 1st month, and i was told not to worry….it would be set up in the next few days and money taken. a few days after, i got a rather threatening phone call telling me i had missed payment. I payed on my card, and was assured the direct devit would be set up in pleanty of time for the next payment. Again…..no payment was taken, and I had to call them to pay by card…and was again chastised by some woman for missing payment. Is it really my job to be calling them (on 0854 premium rate numbers by the way), to beg them to take my money, where up on I am told off like a little child for missing payments?
The system is totally unfair. A mother like my ex – can basically walk out the door before the child is even born, move away with out telling you where and eventually remove all forms of contact (I have no address….she eventually changed her phone number, leaving Facebook the only way of contacting her, she has now blocked me off there), meaning you have never even met the child……yet get the CSA to then demand money off you to pay for the child she has robbed you off!
And even if you do comply – the people there don’t seem to have a clue what they are doing what so ever!
13 thoughts on “I have been forced to forget I have a son for 11 years – why should I have to pay now?”
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You still had a part in creating a life regardless of the circumstances if she was just out for money why did she not claim 11 years ago? Forget about being bitter and do the right thing by your child.
You have just got to accept that you have been scammed by a leach of a woman, and now you are going to be totally fleeced by the faceless and spineless scum at the CSA, you are going to be totally ripped off, the best advice you will ever receive in your life, is, to forget all about the child, as it will only be used as a weapon against you for the rest of your life, and unless you want to be below the poverty line, emigrate!
Amanda Johnston she was a scamming bitch and well you know it, you women need to take your head out the cloudless sometimes, the women probably done a runner coz the CSA would look after her and rip off the father or it’s someone else’s baby, get a DNA trust no one
This chaps ex hardly sounds like a particularly nice woman, and you seem to suggest that having already destroyed the life of a child they had by denying the father contact, she now has the right to destroy her exes life for what seems like circumstances she herself is responsible for, by taking his money. He at least seems willing to comply despite the nasty ex. He may well have got the woman pregnant. It also sounds like he was duped as this woman only seemed to want what so many woman seem to do nowadays to men.
Jim crawl back under ya rock
Emigration won’t work anymore as there’s a new international treaty where by even if you do emigrate the govt in the new county will be asked to get maintenance and forward it onto the uk CSa,
Not one person knows exactly what happened in their situation for all anyone knows he may have been abusive or violent, then again there are women who do just get pregnant etc. Just because your bitter and twisted in regards to your own situations don’t tar everyone with the same brush
ok hears a fact the court will take into account the fact that you have been named as the childs parent and that gives you rights to contact under s8 family law act.
so you have take her to court.
You are lucky in that you only pay from the date that the application was made.
You can make a complaint and I would do so.
In the mean time dont spend the money as they are vicious bastards and they will come for it and blame you for not paying it
no its not fair but thats how it is
What are you sniffing amanda? No wonder you were kicked off the CSA failings page.. This guy wants to do the right thing and has contacted the CSA re paying maintenance.. I’m sure he came on here for advice and support.. Have you read the whole story? Well done lee.. If the CSA aren’t taking your payments cancel your direct debit pronto..ring the CSA and ask for their bank details and set up a standing order. You are now paying on YOUR terms. Let the CSA know you are cancelling the direct debit and from what date etc.. It sounds that with their incompetence you could easily end up in arrears through no fault of your own and if they have your bank details they will take what they want, when they want. Good on you for paying but I would ask for DNA test if you are not sure. Sorry you have been denied access but many women do this and use the CSA as a weapon to punish their ex’s. I wouldn’t put too much faith in the courts regarding contact orders.. I spent thousands of pounds getting two orders as she ignored the first but again I have been denied access and the courts are reluctant to uphold the orders.. Will they really inprison the mothers.. Pah! All the mother has to say in court is .. They were ill or on holiday or they don’t want to see their father or another thousand excuses.. If you ever need advice Lee have a butchers at childsupportagencyripoffs .. Very helpful … Good luck
What are you sniffing amanda? No wonder you were kicked off the CSA failings page.. This guy wants to do the right thing and has contacted the CSA re paying maintenance.. I’m sure he came on here for advice and support.. Have you read the whole story? Well done lee.. If the CSA aren’t taking your payments cancel your direct debit pronto..ring the CSA and ask for their bank details and set up a standing order. You are now paying on YOUR terms. Let the CSA know you are cancelling the direct debit and from what date etc.. It sounds that with their incompetence you could easily end up in arrears through no fault of your own and if they have your bank details they will take what they want, when they want. Good on you for paying but I would ask for DNA test if you are not sure. Sorry you have been denied access but many women do this and use the CSA as a weapon to punish their ex’s. I wouldn’t put too much faith in the courts regarding contact orders.. I spent thousands of pounds getting two orders as she ignored the first but again I have been denied access and the courts are reluctant to uphold the orders.. Will they really inprison the mothers.. Pah! All the mother has to say in court is .. They were ill or on holiday or they don’t want to see their father or another thousand excuses.. If you ever need advice Lee have a butchers at childsupportagencyripoffs .. Very helpful … Good luck
Kev I am interested in what you say about contact and don’t understand why women are getting away with not allowing fathers contact unless the father has abused the children, is a drug user or an alcoholic?? As far as I am aware a mother can’t stop the father access to their children and the courts are very for the fathers on this. May I ask the reasons the courts are giving you for denying you contact with your children??
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