I don’t feel comfortable leaving my daughter alone with her father
My husband left us almost a year ago after admitting to seeing someone else. Before he left he kicked our daughter down our hall way on 3 separate occasions & she remembers this. Since he has left he has had no interest at all.
He saw her twice from June-August last year & has refused to pay any maintanence. He had a job which as soon as the csa found out where he got the sack & is now refusing to get another job or sign on. From August to December last year he didn’t see her at all phoned a couple of times and broke promises to call her the next day which has left her distraught.
I kept on and he agreed in January to see her from 10-6 every other Saturday. I felt she needed this time with him & I’ve never regretted anything more. He has NEVER been in time so every other week is nothing but tears & utter confusion for her & he would never spend time with her he would instead make her play with his girlfriends daughter who was vile to her.
She did flip with him which made him cry & he now spends 2 hours of there Saturday just them before dumping her with the daughter. I need to point out that our daughter is only 7 but knows her own mind. However last Saturday he text to say they would be late didn’t ask if it was ok just said they were going to be late. I asked him he had any money as ur has now been 11 months with no support & he tried to refuse to bring her back home stating that if I need his money then I can’t afford to look after our daughter so she was staying with him! It was the longest 2 hours of my life I was terrified.
A few weeks ago my daughter needed Caplin for a chest infection when she came home she was in agony as he had refused to give it to her saying I didn’t give a good enough reason for him to give it to her and that she will become immune. Somebody please tell me what I can do. All ice done is fight for him to see his daughter because that us what she wanted despite what he did to her in the past. I didn’t want it because of this but I respected her wished but after what he did last week & his attitude towards helping support OUR daughter I just don’t want her going with him. I’m happy for him to come here and see her but I don’t want him alone with her can I do this? Somebody please help!
3 thoughts on “I don’t feel comfortable leaving my daughter alone with her father”
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Don’t usually read things like what you wrote in here. There’s only one person that can answer your question and that’s your daughter. However saying that you are the parent with care and if you feel that harm is going to be the outcome then you yourself have a duty to protect your daughter in anyway what you feel in necessary. Kids always get caught In the middle and the route of the cause is money. From what you say I don’t think anyone would blame you for not letting your daughter seeing her father. Don’t give up. There’s always and end to the beginning
i agree with Adrian. your ex has given you enough reason to not trust him with your daughter.
if you feel you have to seek a solicitors advice, then do, most would give you the first appt free, but i’m sure they would tell you to stop contact.
don’t forget, your ex can always take you to family court for contact, if he wants it. but they will demand consistent and regular contact in a save environment.
Cafcass are also a good place to contact. they work with family court and can advice you on actions with your daughter, or reading material to better understand what a child goes through in these situations.
if you feel like you have to keep at it (like i did), contact your local contact centre, and arrange for his visits to take place there. you can dictate who is there (so can stop him from bringing the girlfriends daughter, forcing him to spend time on his own with her), he won’t be able to take her away from the centre if you don’t want him to (so no chance of him “keeping” her again) and he will have no choice but to actually interact with your daughter on his own, or he will refuse to go, therefore HIM being the one to say “i’m not seeing her”, not you stopping the contact. it doesn’t have to be forever, just until he builds that trust back up with you.
also, don’t forget, your daughter will remember everything. i remember things between my parents from when i was 3.
as long as you are always there to support her, and don’t bad mouth your ex in front of her, she will come of this on the other side with a strong relationship with you, and know you were only ever looking out for her.
keep strong, remember its all for your child. <3
having let the father kick your daughter down the hallway whilst he was there living with you – you run the risk of social services getting involved and taking your daugther into care.
I do not understand all these [usually] women who didn’t bat an eyelid when father was with them suddenly find DV and abuse when it comes to court /contact
– this tactic is also dangerous for your granson/daughter since the ss will use this as a reason to take them into care and adoption – an ss worker is probably already licking her lips at her pension bonus in ca 16 years time?
also suggest you read the Vicky Haigh case judgements.