I can’t buy food or pay rent anymore – what can I do?

July 31, 2013

Hi everyone,any advise would be much appreciated..so if its a bit long winded!

9 years ago I finally had courage to leave abusive husband. I had a son(now 18)and a daughter (now 14). Was a dreaful and scary beakup. He saw children for a couple of years then stopped seeing them for 2 years as it was affecting his social life he said.

Eventually He started contact with my son, my daughter didn’t want any contact eventually my son decided the grass was greener and went to live with his dad(we live in the same village)But since that time 4 years ago my son has refused to see me and despite letters ,emails,calls he is adamant,his father has basically brainwashed him.

He said his farther would make his life hell.So I work 2 days a week and support myself and my daughter,I have never asked for csa for her as she doesn’t see him.I send my son money and clothes regularly.My daughter has received nothing not even a Christmas card off her dad.

Now my ex has put in for a claim through csa for my son ,who is at college 12 hours a week and works in a pub 20 hours.My ex is unemployed.I Have been told I now have to pay 20.5% of my wages to him.But If I counterclaimed for my daughter I would only get £5 per month as hes unemployed. Becuase of this it has thrown my already tough financies into overdrive.And I cannot afford to pay my rent and buy food,but csa and my ex do not care about this.

I am at the end of my tether and do not know which way to turn.Its so un fair that because I work and support my daughter solely,he can now put us as risk of being homeless all because he doesn’t want to work.His has re married and has a child with her and she has 2 already.She is a full time manager,but apparently this has no relevance.It seems so unfair.Please help?


  • Adrian says:

    Your right it is unfair. And basically your better of on the social. The only thing I can see is that you say 20.5%. ??? It’s 15% for 1 child. Unless you have arrears. But even with arrears they would take more than 5.5%
    You to to make enquiries about that. But if your struggling then your human rights have been stripped somewhere. You have a limit as to how much the CSA can officially take of you. It’s called protected earnings.

  • Sally says:

    You should put in a claim for your daughter…. the CSA are the worst company in the world and doubt they will help you (not because the can’t,but because they won’t, the staff are useless!).

    If you opened a CSA case against your ex before 2003, it could still be open and his new partners income would be considered as part of the assessment. If you have never had a case open then he (like you) would be assessed under new CSA rules (CSA 3) and his new partners income would not be included as part of the assessment.

    The whole system is unfair and the idiots who work for the CSA make it so much worse as they are only interested in getting their bonus and play one parent off the other to ensure they don’t communicate and continue to use CSA…

    Another website that provides help is NACSA….

    Good luck…

  • Emma says:

    I really don’t understand why you are being so abusive towards this lady. She has said that she hasn’t put in a claim with the CSA. It is her ex who has put in a claim for their son. She is worried about how she will cope financially as she already supports their daughter with no financial support from the father. It sounds to me like it is her ex who deserves all of your nasty comments. Nasty lazy greedy b*****d.

  • Sally says:

    I agree with Emma… This site is about helping VICTIMS of the CSA…. Male or female the NRP is ALWAYS worse off….

    This woman seems decent… Not all PWC are bad and not all NRPs are decent…. We need to appreciate the difference or this website will be living up to the reputation the freaks (Karen, Alice etc) says it has….

  • jo says:

    I agree with Emma and Sally on this. It’s her ex who has put a claim in, he’s the one on benefits who can get a job, 18 year old boy at college ffs! Not all pwcs are female and use the csa aswel to hurt the ex!

    Plus if they have a child each shouldn’t the claim cancel each other out?? Go and see your mp about this and make a complaint.

  • carol says:

    Oh for gods sake….the abuse this lady has gotten is DISGUSTING

    I am concerned about the level of smugness some men on here show when a woman is having her own hell with the CSA….that is misogyny simple as that!

    Its comments like that which do not help the greater cause, and that is to be rid of this fucking evil that is the CSA. Taking out your hatred of your ex wives on someone just because they are the same gender as your ex wives, shows a lacking in empathy and maturity, and shows you as extremely nasty pieces of work.

    God why bother?????????????????

  • gonk says:

    me to
    im with Emma and sally and Jo. This woman is a victim as are we,just because she is a she don’t give any one the right to beat up on her and remember its her ex screwing her for 20.5% ( I suspect that may have arrears on it ? as its 15% for 1 child) whilst he’s on the dole and so she gets virtually nothing..it has to be fair..come on guys…money grabbing bitches…im all in favour of burning on a stack, but as sally said if we aint careful..this site is going to earn a reputation and and no one will post on here in fear of being put down all the time and then wouldn’t the likes of Alice,Karen,Chall have something to sink their teeth into.
    Im sorry guys but I see nothing wrong in this persons post that warrants abuse from you.She seems genuine and upfront and seriously in need of help.
    good luck Katie

  • Fred says:

    you not got long to go, unless he stays at college for years, maybe up to 25 ?

    7 yrs or maybe longer to go then.

    Welcome to the club, oh if you work harder and earn more your ex gets more

  • brett says:

    Hi Sally. As usual I agree 100% with your comment. They’re are plenty of low life PWC out there, looking to screw the NRP for every penny, but this lady does sound very decent. Hope things work out for her.

  • csaworkerx says:

    ok, good news first. If ure son is working more than 16 hours hes not classed as a qualifying child anymore, the fact he goes to college is irrelevant, unless its cash in hand as some pubs are, then ure pretty screwed.

    onto the bad/goodish kinda news.

    Firstly, it wont be 20.5% it will be 15% and if you have arrears it will be 30+ until there cleared, unless you clear them in full when we run the collection sceduele, Next, your working 2 days a week, youll fall into the basic rate, meaning earnings of under £199.99, unless you have a very decent job, so ure MC will be reduced more. Thirdly, you have a ROC ( relevant other child ) in ure household, this will take ure net income – 15% for ure ROC, next, make a claim, sure its only a fiva but why not, takes 5 mins and i love doing benefit cases.

    Why you havent made a claim before now bothers me, Thats ure right.

  • carol says:

    I have come back on here after a long time and I must say this site has really gone down.

    Look at the hateful, misogynist comments from not just men, but some women too.

    On another post, again the woman bashing went into overdrive….seems to be a common theme?

    What was posted to the OP was disgusting and uncalled for.

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