I am subsidising the lifestyle of my partner’s lazy ex
‘Fairness’
I have been following this forum for a little over a year and have not read one success story…. I have read hundreds and hundreds of sad/heartbreaking stories of real life events…. but nothing ever seems to be achieved. Thousands of people’s lives are being ruined by this system and nothing is done about it…
My personal issue/frustration is that the CSA does not have a fair system to calculate how much a child should be paid each week.
I can completely understand why some NRPs would lie and/or go self employed to avoid paying their ex and/or the CSA (I AM NOT SAYING ITS RIGHT!!)…. but I feel that parents should be given the CHOICE to spend money on their kids (after a basic level of financial care is agreed)…. My partner gives his ex 20% of his income (CSA 2) for two kids… this does not leave him enough money to pay his mortgage, bills, car (essential for his job) and buy food, so I subsidise him…. the mother works part time, receives wtc, ctc, cb and child maintenance of over £300 per month… she was given the house when they split up so is almost mortgage free….. he cannot afford to take his kids shopping, buy them the gifts and toys they want and gets completely disheartened by the situation…. the mother will not admit to the kids that their Dad pays towards the stuff (the absolute basics) she buys them… as a result the kids think their Dad is depriving them….
I find myself getting more and more depressed with the situation…. I earn a good salary, work hard but feel that I am subsidising her lifestyle by paying for things my partner cannot afford and she will not pay for… such as school trips, days out with friends, fashionable clothes…. the mother would rather spend it on herself…. rant over…
I do not grudge the kids anything but feel that if the CSA set a baseline or included income/expenditure of both parents… we would have a much fairer system for the kids to undertand that both parents contribute!!!
Rant over…. :-/
9 thoughts on “I am subsidising the lifestyle of my partner’s lazy ex”
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Agree with everything you say. Your only consolation is it could be worse. I m under the CSA 1 system and paying almost 25% of my net pay for one child. The mother who I had the misfortune of having a very brief relationship with, has never worked and always sponged off the State and me for the last 13 years.
I agree. The income of both parents should definitely be taken into account and affordability similarly to the way the Courts worked many years ago.
as with Brett and Carol…100% agree
this scum called csa is filth and in no way fair..how on earth does it not consider ANY outgoings bills,morgage debts (brought on as a direct result in my case of being married to an evil greedy cow)
it only cares about the treasury and how much it can screw the father for..it takes so much money from fathers,the fathers can no longer afford to have fun times with his kid..hows that helping anything/anychild….fucking arsholes is what they are.
I hope they rot in hell..all the scum that work for this agency
I agree with whole heart. My ex is the RP. But I know for a fact that our eldest does not live with but with his parents. He still claims child benefit for her and CSA off me for her. He has always earned so much more than me and when the children lived with me I never asked him for a penny and he never offered. He is now not only stealing the country and tax payers but also living the life of riely with his g/f that he has moved in with. He has poisoned our children’s minds against me as have his family. When you talk to the CSA about the ability to survive they are not interested and purposely make things hard. Example the money they should take out of my account at the beginning of every month was not taken this time. When I contacted them they said the payment was declined, which I know it wouldn’t have been as it is the first payment I make when I get paid. I contacted my bank and they informed me that no request had been made by the CSA this month. This in the meantime has resulted in my being in arrears due to their mess up again and has given my ex another reason to poison my children by saying that I have not made a payment.
The CSA are as fraudulent as my ex in my opinion.
Quote Sally; I have been following this forum for a little over a year and have not read one success story…. I have read hundreds and hundreds of sad/heartbreaking stories of real life events…. but nothing ever seems to be achieved.
Sally,
Some parents on here and other forums/websites do gain success with the CSA.
Once issues are rectified people do seem move on, with no need to inform/up date other’s of their out come. It is a shame, as they have accepted support and understanding from other’s, who in turn may benefit from a bit of light at the end of a long tunnel.
Other’s who have switched from posting on an open forum to private messaging/emailing an individual to gain assistance, tend make private updates via the same method.
chall ~ afairercsaforall
Thanks everyone, not a nice thing to admit but it makes me feel better knowing that other people are feeling as depressed as me about the CSA/legal system….
@ chall, I really wish I could see light at the end of the tunnel… my partners youngest has just turned 8 and the thought of having ‘her’ (the ex with all her lies and troublemaking – (to the kids (to cause trouble) and CSA (to get more money)) in my life for the next 12 years because really does get me down. My partner has genuinely done everything he can for his kids (emotionally) and to meet the CSA demands, but is treated like a criminal…
I don’t want any harm to come to the mother but I would like someone (CSA/judge… not sure who, to be honest) to see the situation for what it is and for the legal system to enforce restrictions/penalties when it’s been proven that the mothers behaviour is having a detrimental affect on the relationship with their father….. (the same if it was the father who was in the wrong).
It’s wrong that one parent can continually lie (and get caught) but nothing happen to her/him…. sorry for the moan…. we’ve just had another ‘upset’ with the kids via the mother…. going into our 3rd year of this and it’s taking it’s toll….
Sally,
It really isn’t easy, I know…
My partner and I have our own cases with the CSA – 1 a NRP, who’s case was not too much different to the one you describe and the other a PWC, who’s ex insisted the CSA was involved and then played the system like a fiddle to avoid making payments.
I understand the frustration and upset that NRP & PWC go through and agree with a lot of your comments.
It’s beneficial to chat with other’s and draw a bit of strength from similar circumstances.
Your certainly not alone, keep your chin up.
chall
@ chall – thanks…. what’s the old saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”? lol …. the two thing the CSA have instilled in me are tollerance and patience… I thought I had both before…
I cannot imagine how you cope and manage to stay sane when you have two cases open with the CSA…. one from each position…. I wish you all the best with your plight/fight.
People do appreciate your feedback/input… we all need to help each other…. if I have a positive outcome from this I will definitely share it! 🙂
Sally
Quote Sally; People do appreciate your feedback/input… we all need to help each other…. if I have a positive outcome from this I will definitely share it! 🙂
Thanks Sally, I appreciate you taking the time to say so 🙂
Your so right. Parents that find themselves victims of the CSA, regardless of gender, should remember we’re all being failed by the system.
I shall look forward to it 😉
chall