Husband’s ex married a millionaire and still lets us struggle

July 1, 2019

My husbands ex, who he shares a son with (13) is married to a very wealthy man – his parents are millionaires. They constantly rub it in & send the lad with comments etc about how poor we are & how much they do / afford… She has given the lad her husbands surname, she’s forbid him to call my husband dad. We did tell him years ago its OK to call him dad when he’s with us & we won’t tell his mum… But it soon stopped. The lads mum & stepdad are always planning days out or holidays when he’s on our weekends… Which, more & more, he’s telling my husband he doesn’t want to come. We’re pretty much skint, we live in a council house, struggle to pay our rent & bills, we eat cheap food most days & have never been able to have a family holiday.

I have 2 kids from a previous relationship (we get on & I don’t get any maintenance)… So when it comes to competing with days out, holidays, gifts etc, we struggle to afford extras. She basically doesn’t want my husband to be the lads dad, but she wants every penny she can drain from us. She lives in a detached 4 bed, 4 bath mansion, the child has his own en suite bedroom & a cleaner… They both drive brand new Mercedes each. The lad attends a private boys school, with his step brother – from her & his 2 step sisters – from her, attend a private girls school.

Is there any way we can get a fair calculation for means tested or similar? I don’t see how it’s fair we’re living hand to mouth every single day & they clearly are buying the poor lad… Sometimes I cry with frustration & have to remove myself from my own living room, when the poor child starts about what his mummy & daddy have said about us… Usually that we’re scruffs with no money always along them lines. It’s really putting a strain on our marriage & my sanity. I’d love to afford a family holiday with all our kids. But it feels like we’re never getting out of my husbands debt to this horrible controlling leech. Thank you to everyone who can offer any advice.


  • David Joseph says:

    Hi Rosie

    Don’t let these circumstances ruin your marriage – you need to change your mindset and work with your husband to try and resolve the situation the best way you can. You leave your marriage, you will only find another set of problems to deal with. The grass is never greener next door.

    That said, the CMS should look at your financial circumstances if you are struggling and can hardly cope. It’s important to ascertain whether they are charging the correct amount of child support.

    With regards your son, the mother cannot change his surname without a court order or the father’s permission. It is appalling that the young lad is being coerced not to call his own father Dad.

    If you need further advice on any of the above and how else you can reduce your child maintenance liability, please email me at [email protected] or call 0754 0062 567.


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