Huge expense to see my child

December 1, 2010

My partner and I parted when my little boy was 4. I started seeing him at weekends and told my partner I would pay her by cheque monthly.

After all going well I ended up late collecting him one day and she stopped the visits. The reason i was late was due to work, as I have always worked away from home and was the day of my visit.

Things from here spiralled into free fall.

She changed his Surname.

Involved the CSA.

Would not let me visit or contact him.

After 2 years of her promising I could visit him via child centres I finally got to see him after obtaining a costly court order. Now 6 and a different little boy, I had to see him for 2 hours a fortnight and prove I was a fit parent and that he was happy with me. It was a very sad time and one I never want to go back to.

During the 2 years I was hounded for payment, even though I had never stopped it in the first place and I wasn’t allowed to see him. Long hours spent on the phone to the CSA explaining about the position I was in. The fact that I had made sure my partner and I both had enough money to buy a new home when we split up cut no water with the CSA, i just could never understand why she kept telling them i would not pay. I even made sure my boy had £6000 pound put away for him, so he had something when he got older. To this day I pay more than I should and my son is 11 and much happier having me around. There is no price that can be put on caring for our children, I know -in total I have 4 now.

But the attitude that it can be worked out on a calculator on line is stupid. We all want our children to be cared for and looked after, so lets start treating both parents with the same respect.

Currently myself and my Wife are trying to get her ex-partner to take responsibility for his children, but he will not. Instead he hides behind his accountant and his business, for some reason you can if you are not PAYE like most of us. So there is just not one tier of differences in how it should be measured and enforced, but at the very least two, other people will know of more. But at the end the same outcome is what we all want, happy kids and loving parents.

If when my son is old enough, he asks me, did I want him to be looked after properly- I know I did. But has his Mum? The very beacon by which the CSA claims is the only thing that can look after children.


  • Kerry Deal says:

    this is such a sad story. i am glad you fought your case and didnt let her bully you. im glad yu now see your son and so you should. every child has a right to both parents.

  • Dawn Howes Shipp says:

    My husband has just been through this and his ex said the same so we had to get evidence from people we knew to say our daughter was staying here with us and send the letters in and she could not do this obviously as she was lying so we won. Our case worker said she did not know who to believe and this was the best way to solve it. Don't get me wrong I myself have had years and years of those useless people in the csa but thus case was handled in the end fair but it could have easily gone wrong. Fight it and then fight it again until you win don't accept anything that is wrong keep providing evidence as well as asking for it. It's hard but you can win in the end and hopefully get some justice.

  • Sylvia Dunai says:

    How on earth did she change the child's surname without your consent? How is that legally possible?By the way, your ex is a HORRIBLE WOMAN. 🙁 I ask the same question again: Why oh why does CSA harrass loving dads who wanna be in their kids' life and want to contribute to their upbringing emotionally, financially and in every way they can, yet CSA is unable to get child support for children whose NRP tries his/her best to avoid CSA payments???

  • Gary Spiers says:

    God, that could so have been me writing that account. That is almost my story to a t.

  • brokenfather says:

    Don’t you just love mothers who though no other reason than pure malice force a father to apply to a Court to maintain a relationship with his own flesh and blood.

    Lee, you are lucky she adhered to the court order, many do not …….

  • Kerry Deal says:

    i understand if the child has the fathers surname then the mother cant change it. however if the child has the mothers surname then she can change it to her new partners name if she likes. this is what my partner was told by his solicitor.

  • Allan Morrell says:

    CSA support malicious PWC's…. not devoted NRP's

  • Craig Bulman says:

    Yes they do and it needs to be stopped.

  • >