How can this system be fair?

July 12, 2011

My ex wife walked out in June 2007 and despite my requests through mediation refused to pay anything towards our 4 children. When she left we had £36,000 of debt which I offered to take on as long as she left me and the kids with the house which had little equity and a high mortgage. My thoughts were that at least it wouldn’t mean uprooting the kids at such a difficult time.

My ex-wife didn’t want to pay a penny despite working full time therefore I had no choice but to contact the CSA who said she should pay £180.00 per month. She appealed against the decision and when the appeal was thrown out she cut her hours at work down to work part time and pay less maintenance.

My youngest daughter who was 5 at the time we split should always have been with her mum but my ex would not entertain the idea. I lost my job at one point and had almost 2 years out of work which financially crippled me. Then in September 2011 I got a new job (Pretty well Paid) and suddenly my ex wanted to have our youngest child move in with her which I agreed to.

within days I had a CSA letter and it appeared she had already worked out she would be much better off financially. I have been asessed and have to pay £70 per week for our 9 year old daughter whereas my ex only pays me £70 per month for our other 3 kids. I now feel as if I am simply funding my ex and her boyfriends improved lifestyle and cannot see why a 9 year old girl needs £303 per month for her care and well being. I would never deny my children a good upbringing but I have to cut back on my everything with the 3 whom live with me.

My ex can simply reduce her hours again now or even quit work as I pay her almost what she earns. This would mean of course she would then not need to pay me anything.

I have carried on in the last 4 years clearing the debts off and paying the mortgage which she still refuses to remove her name from.

How can this system be fair when I work very long hours to help my familiys lifestyle and all it does is help my ex fund her lifestyle. My ex has chosen to work part time in order to pay as little as possible when all 4 children were with me.


Julian Bailey


  • karen bedford says:

    You ask how can this system be fair, well it isnt, for anyone who wants to support their children – as it goes against them whilst the people who dont/wont financially support their children goes in their favour.

    When I left my ex, I had to go through the courts to get him out of the family home – he was not a nice man – cost me money and time, whist we lived at my parents sharing room while he stayed in the 3 bed house, making it a mess, breaking things but moreso not paying the bills so when I got the house back after he was evicted – I had to pay all the bills for past 9 months he hadnt paid otherwise I wouldnt get the house back! I had to borrow the money and it put me in debt for years, they never went after him to pay only me. He then went on to insult me and ‘his’ children by paying very little, when he wanted/if he wanted and that went on for years.

    He went on to have more children by 2 dif woman, one went back to hungary and the other is on benefits, always has been, has another child by another man and made it clear she wanted kids so they doesnt hav to work!

    I have always worked – been made redundant – but always found another job and supported my children best I can and it has been hard, my parents have had to help too, whilst their father is ‘loaded’ and he would say to me when asking about money ‘ask your parents’ they are ‘our’ children not my parents!

    I have tried to get the system changed via MPs, etc but no one wants to know – get so far with the media and then gets stopped last min to go live – strange that!

    Good luck, please join the facebook groups child support agencies failings and others for free advice and support which I know has helped many.

  • Terry norris says:

    Julian Bailey
    Your csa cost each month almost mirrors mine right down to the daughter is 8 and I’m being stung for £320 a month and I feel exactly the same as you where I know the money is be used to fund my ex’s smoking habits and nights out along with her boyfriend whom lives with her in a new private rent 3bed house that they moved into only a month or so ago,infact about the same time she filed a claim with the csa.The system is wrong and totally unfair and biased,the likes of my ex exploit the csa system that only works in the PWC’s favour.and they know they can get away with it because the system takes their word for every lie they tell them.The csa are soooo bad and trust every word the claimant says,if she told them I was the father of her mixed race child when both her and myself are White! The csa would still believe her and take money from me…that’s what a bunch of idiots they are at the csa.One thing that really scares me Julian and I’m surprised you are not aware??
    Did you know your paying all that mortgage each month on your own but it means nothing if her name is on it to…..she can force a sale on your house and you will have to sell and give her half the value of the equity,the courts may take into consideration the payments you have made since you split up and adjust her share but nevertheless she can force you to sell or buy her out..why do you think she won’t remove her name from the mortgage,she sitting pretty on a little nest egg that’s being paid for by you…you need to sort that out a.s.a.p
    Good luck

  • John says:

    The reason the media won’t tell CSA stories is because they are in bed with the politicians, by a little known scam called common purpose. (look it up).

    A gentlemens agrement that stops some media from reporting negatives about government agencys.

    This system is a ‘not fit for purpose’, shambles. Some overpaying, some underpaying many not paying at all, and yet decnet people who do pay are being hounded and criminalised.

    The more that write and campaign to Cameron, Clegg and Duncan-Smith the better chance of this debalce of being closed down in favour of mediation!

  • Matt says:

    I have been split up with my ex partner for over 4 yrs and have just stopped paying off the debts she left me with met a great woman that i am marrying in two years as soon as my ex found out i had a letter off csa saying they have been informed my circumstances have changed! I have my little girl more than twice a week over night an pick her up from school 3 times out of 5 buy her her uniform shoes etc when she needs and my ex sits on the dole with her low life boyfriend an their 2 other kids whilst giving me and my partner abuse! Its a totally unfair system but how do we change it any ideas?

  • Miranda says:

    I am shocked that this is still going on. My partner has a boy who is now 8 with his ex. She has just informed us she is going to get the CSA to increase the amount we are paying. I would have thought that £300 a month for a child is more than adequate, when the money is clearly not even being spent on the child. His mother is an alcoholic, lives in a council house (all paid for) and refuses to work.
    I have a child with my partner and we actually have minus £85 a month to live on. Not to mention the fact that my partner has to pick his son up from the council estate where she has chosen to live and drive the boy back to our house (a 100 mile round trip) and then have him stay, pay for him to have clothes and eat. He is very badly behaved and after telling him to eat four sprouts I then sub sequentially ended up with a barrage of abuse from his mother telling me that I am not allowed to tell her son what to do. So when he kicks the walls and furniture in my house I am allowed to say nothing.
    My partner was also left with £65000 worth of debt by this woman, and having seen a solicitor we are told she is responsible for half of these, because – and these are the magic words – BECAUSE SHE IS ON BENEFITS – there is nothing we can do.
    THIS IS A DISGUSTING STATE OF AFFAIRS, the issues need to be addressed. I feel so sorry for everyone who has commented here. This is a living hell. Its not even my hell – but sill I am affected.

  • David Joseph says:

    Julian Bailey – I am surprised you couldn’t see the conspiracy! She is clearly very clever and hatched and plan and you were caught in her trap. You should should have anticipated that by the mere fact she had previously reduced her hours when you claimed against her.

    My advise is to asked the CSA to look at her case again. If it has been a while since her last assessment, you can ask the authority to do another. It is possible she may have increased her hours or even had a pay rise.

    Want to speak with me? Call 0754 0062 567.

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