How can they be allowed to get away with this?
August 18, 2013
My son was born 2004, I split from my scrounging ex in 2005 after 4yrs of her cheating and abusing me. When we first split I was giving her £50-£100pw maintenance, I only earnt £150pw, she bribed me into paying this in order to see my son and avoid her going to the CSA. I met my wife in 2006, I looked online and found out her maintance payments should have been £16pw as I was having him 3 nights a week. I lowered her payments to £16pw (behind my back my mum was making the money up to £30pw). She would drop him off in a T-shirt in the winter and not bring nappies or any clothing, so each week I’d have to buy him nappies, clothes, shoes etc (which she’d usually try and take with her when she collected him). I took him to 100s of places like zoos, london day trips, parks etc and all she took him was the pub. She used to mock me when I gave her the money saying it was her “booze fund.”
My 2nd child was born in 2008 and myself and my wife moved away from my mums house, my ex decided that she HAD to look around our home before we had my son over night. So she came and nosed about, and said it was fine for my son to stay. We had him over night every weekend for a month, we were paying her £78pm into her account (obviously my mum stopped topping it up when she couldn’t see him,) She said it wasn’t enough and if I really loved him I would pay more. Her friend gets £80pw and she thinks our son deserves that too. I paid her £78 on the friday, by the monday she was asking for more to get his hair cut, I said no she’d just had a months money, she said my mum loved him more, so he would go to hers instead. She made an application for maintenance a week later (nov 2009).
I went straight to my solicitors to stop her from taking him away and we sent letters back and forth, with her making up more and more lies in each letter. He spent thursday to monday and my mums house, and I was allowed to visit without my child or wife for 4hrs per week (her proposal). The CSA charged me £32pw (I was earning £180). I appealed and said she wasn’t having him, my mum was having him more, they said as long as I wasn’t having him it didn’t matter.
In 2010 out of the blue she rang me and asked me if I wanted to see my son, she said she was sorry for everything and it wasn’t fair that our son had suffered without a dad in his life. I could have him whenever I wanted as I long as I dropped the solicitors, as it was all silly. I said yes, I had him every weekend friday morning until monday night. I was still giving her £32pw the whole of 2010 and in September she said I had to pay for his school uniforms and a milk bill of £12. She was in receipt of CSA, child benefit, tax credits, income support, council tax relief, housing benefit, and she had a partner living with her who worked full time. I told her I didn’t have the money to pay her as I had £180pw for myself, my wife and son to live off. As we lived in private accommodation the rent wasn’t as low as hers (even though she claimed housing benefit). She said I had 2 options, either I pay the money for the milk bill and for his school uniform or I didn’t see him ever again. I said she had double the money I had, and she had a partner who worked full time, and it wasn’t fair. She said tough, I obviously didn’t love him enough and stopped me from seeing him. I rang the CSA and told them I had him the whole of 2010, they asked her and she denied it. I proved it, but they said it was to late to count and I still had to pay full CSA.
I went back to my solicitors and yet again we went back and forth sending letters. I lost my job Feb 2012. She gave my son up march 2012 to my mum, I found out in August 2012, and received a letter from her solicitor saying she wanted my mum to have PR for him, I said no, so she said I could see him again on the weekends. We had him alternate weekends and my mum had him during the week.
HOW THE CSA MADE A MESS:
Someone grassed her up to child benefit for him not living with her, so she blamed me and said I couldn’t have him anymore (May 2013).
She gave him up March 2012, the CSA closed my case March 2013! I told them of the error and they said you need to appeal as there’s nothing they can do. I said you only need to change one digit, she wouldn’t, she said wait for the letter and appeal it. The letter never come, so I rang them, they said I didn’t appeal in time, because they sent the letter. They said try appealing and tell them that it never came, they might help, they might not. I then received a letter saying my arrears were £888, when in the previous letter it was £788. I looked through the paperwork and they’d never closed the case. I don’t claim benefits and I’m a student, yet they’re charging me £5pw, even though she hasn’t got him in her care, he’s at MY mums! I rang them and they asked if I’d like to dispute it? YES OBVISLY!! They said no such letter had been sent stating the case was closed, yet I’ve got 3 letters saying it has. I then received a phone call today from appeals saying it wasn’t worth appealing if the dispute team were handling it, I said I still wanted to and she was edging me not to saying it could take 12months for them to as it was late. I said I never received the letter they sent me and she said you’re still going have to wait for the tribunal to accept it for being late.
So what I don’t understand is:
If she gave him up in March 2012, yet the CSA have spoken to Child benefit and she’s told them she gave him up March 2013, so they have to go on their date, yet I have letters from my solicitor and hers stating my mums had him since march 2012. I sent them this letter and they’re still going with what child benefit and my ex says. How’s that fair?
I don’t owe any arrears, they are plucking figures out of the air. I’ve been arguing this since september 2012 and they’re not taking any notice of me.
She’s taking him back off my mum because she cant survive on the money she’s getting without his benefits, (also he’s nearly 10, so she can get a 3 bed house once he’s 10). Can she just open a case with the CSA after she’s been in trouble for benefit fraud, and had the case closed by CSA?
Sorry for such a long drawn out letter, I’m at my wits end with all this and can’t understand how they can get away with this. My ex hasn’t had him, yet she’s still been taking money from me and not notified them. She is still having him alternate weekends, in 34wks she had him one night a week for 14x. She spends all her money getting drunk and uploads 100s of pics to facebook, which she’s let my son on, and now he has access to pics of his mum have her boobs in mens faces etc I really don’t know what to do anymore
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welcome to the wonderful world of the CSA scum, join our group for advice and support https://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/204256966364149/
Get social services involved… She is not fit to be a mother!!! The peoblem is that there are more and more like her who play the system… And are supported by the idiots at the CSA, you should also involve your local MP…
Good luck
its the csa dont u no they make the rules up as they go along
Melanie Parton liked this on Facebook.
Get a solicitor, or go to the Citizens Advice. Definately get your local MP involved and make sure you keep copies of everything
Did she notify his school/GP when he changed address as that might help if they were aware how long he’s been with your Mum.
Ask your MP to get the CSA to work out what your payments should have been from the date she opened the case with them and then tally that up with what you’ve paid her.
Did you pay her cash, or through the bank?
Unfortunately she sounds an absolute disgrace and you need to play the CSA at their own game, use their policies/ rules against them.
My fiances ex wife told them he hadn’t paid her a penny since 2009 – not very bright of her as id made him pay via bank transfer so there was an audit trail!! The arrears of £2500 were reduced to £146 after our Local MP got involved and the CSA had to admit that we were right!!
It’s a long process and very disheartening I know, but keep on fighting. If you’re in the right it’ll all work out and your son will soon realise for himself where he’s better off.
Good luck!!
The school, GP, social services and action for children all knew he was living at my mums. The CSA said they can only go on what child benefit say, and they’ve said it was march 2013, because that’s when she’s said it was, or else the would investigate her for fraud.
The CSA closed my case on 18th March 2013 (should have been 2012), then opened it on the 19th and charged me £100, even though I’m nil-accessed and she isn’t having him!
The CSA took the money from my wages from 2009 until I was made redundant. Any payments I made from our split until she claimed was made in cash, which she has denied.
My mum is no help and is terrified that she will stop her from seeing him (like she did to me), so will do everything and anything to keep seeing him, including not seeing me or my other 2 children!
It’s really making me fed up that she gets away with everything and I’m left to pick up the bill.
I’ve been studying and have had to get loans in order to further my career. I’m dreading going back to work due to her taking all our money. My mum told me my ex said “I can’t wait for him to get a job, the moment he starts working I’m gonna make sure I get this CSA claim open again and charge his arse! My son deserves it!!”
I am happy to pay for my son, however I think they need to take into consideration the money my family need to survive ie life bills. She gets CSA from me and another man, child benefit, tax credits, housing benefit, council tax benefit and lives with her partner who works full time. It’s unfair to take so much from me, because as she’s said before she just uses my money to go out drinking with.
The things she has told my son are disgusting, he said to me “thanks for paying for my school trip daddy, mum said it was the 1st time youve ever paid for anything! But that was when we hated you.” I’ve paid over £5,000 to the CSA, that doesn’t include anything Ive given her before her claim or all the trips I’ve taken him on, food I’ve paid for, clothing, bedding etc She’s so spiteful and vindictive! All she cares about is money. She’s stopped me from having him, because she can use my mum as a babysitter whenever she wants and she can get more CSA money!
She’s happy to financially accept me as his dad, but won’t let me be there for him physically or emotionally, and when I am she harasses me by constantly texting me and ringing me, or constantly going to her solicitor!
I’m so sick and tired of her trying to continue to control my life 8yrs after I left her!