How can I manage CSA and a vindictive ex?

In 1998 I split with my ex due to major Marriage difficulties and walked away from our Relationship leaving a 2 yr old son. It was the most difficult thing I had done in my life but I had to make the best of the situation.

I immediately took on all the outstanding debts totalling approx £6000 at the time as well as paid my partner £250 per month cash in hand. This went on for quite a long time and to make ends meet I hammered every opportunity to earn the overtime and during this my ex used the child as a weapon sometimes allowing me access sometimes not.

Then out the blue the csa contacted me saying I owed thousands and my ex had got them involved, Due to no record of payments to her they hit me for approx £600 per month and took none of what I’d paid into account leaving me in arrears for years. The cheeky part was my ex rang me 1st month in asking where her £250 was.

Over the years my payments went down until 2011 where due to difficulties in work and stress levels arising I took another position which sadly fell through after 3 months due to a re-structure. This left me unemployed for approx 3-4 months and I was only able to get agency work then eventually getting a position on half the wage I was used to but had no option due to bills rising in arrears.

Despite all this I still felt the need to pay something but couldn’t afford the csa so I made an offer to my ex in which she agreed to and I put it in writing to her in which we both signed and dated with her filling her bank details to do a standing order,She told me at time she would inform csa of what we were doing as she was the one who had to close the case. Now this has stood in place for 29 months in total only the csa rang me in March saying they wanted money for right back to 2011. I told them about the agreement but they said it wasn’t valid and they wanted to check some things out.

ApproxAug 5th they rang me again with some really wild figures saying that if I didn’t make a substantial payment they would either go to my company through my payrol or take proceedings to repossess items to the value needed.In shock at the time I told them I needed to speak to somebody and I’d call them back,I basically called them too late and have had letters now demanding I set up payments. After obtaining my bank details and me thinking I was to pay £41 per week they hit me for £421 per month followed by £300 per month extended 6 months after the end time due to struggling.

We have currently 2 kids in my current relationship, One with Mental issue’s and is currently under psychiatric treatment at the age of 10 and the other with Epilepsy.My 10 yr old has Major Dietry problems and it costs a fortune for his food and to top it the Job I currently have is a 98 mile round trip each day costing £65-£70 per week in fuel alone but until a position closer to home pops up I have to stick with it to pay the bills. I told the csa about this and their reply was it was my choice to have took the job and they weren’t interested.

On August 28th they want the £421 off us which means with a combination of my wife’s part time wage and my Full wage we will just meet the bills this month but have no money for food. My Father in Law who is now 75 has been helping us financially as it is for a while due to money not stretching recent dental bills as well as major car work to keep it on the road.

My ex has all her bills paid for her and has hundreds coming in each week due to benefits she claims for,Even my own son she is claiming disability for and theirs nothing wrong with him,she just knew how to work system at the time plus she claims csa for 3 other kids she has to 2 different Dads.

I’m getting desperate now as to where to get money from, I have never been in trouble with Poilice always worked hard and at the moment the only thing I can think of is to take some risks to try bring some money in but endanger losing my job if I’m caught.

I don’t know where to turn or what I can do, I can’t afford a Solicitor to look at the letter but on the other side it could be legal enough to blow the arrears out the water then I may be able to make do, My son to my ex is now 18 but she told me she will do whatever possible to destroy me and my family now which is heading that way as my wife has cried every day for about a week.

Can somebody help?