How can I live and pay bills without money from my ex?

February 14, 2013

Had constant hassle with support money for the kids since splitting a few years ago. Mutually we agreed an amount and that stopped, he then moved in with his new partner and i contacted CSA who got in touch and a voluntary contribution started.

He then stopped that and again had to contact CSA, who I say take forever to sort anything so I got in touch with my local MP, 3 months later from start to finish they set up a direct deduction from his salary.

Various problems have occurred and now the money has decreased as he is apparently off sick, csa say they cant get any information and i just have to wait and see what the employer sends in, if anything!!! How can I live and pay bills like this, csa said i should never count this as a guaranteed income?

Why then is his partner/possible wifes income not included.

They both rake in a fortune and I get bare minimum as he has to get left with a certain amount but doesnt matter if me and the kids go without. Disgrace!!!k7yy


  • lisa says:

    Maybe take the CSA word dont garuntee this as income, his partner/wifes income has nothing to do with the CSA, she is not your childrens mother why should she foot the bill for your kids, Maybe do what normal mums have to stand on your own 2 feet and look out for number one, because if you dont nobody else will, dont rely on the CSA they are good at making things up as they go along, isnt it better that your kids have relationship with there dad?? Having the CSA involved will only make him resent you and push your kids away, Read some of the other stories on here,

  • carol says:

    You know many nrp’s cant even afford to pay rent or bills and are in shortfall because of the csa and pwc’s.

    Your ex is probably not raking it in, thanks to the DEO. If he stopped with voluntary payments, was there a valid reason why?

    Tbh, this sounds more like sour grapes he moved on with someone new. That new woman does not owe you, or even your children anything. If YOU cant provide for your children, why the hell should she go to work to pay for your responsibility. I am sorry but I am sick of some women who think because they have a child, then everyone else should pay for it…but them.

    My taxes (if I can still afford to go to work) will go towards many a pwc’s benefit, yet I all I hear is pwc’s nrp’s should pay for their responisibility. No mention about “their own” self responsibility or accountability. If thats the case then, they should also pay for their children themselves…ie come off all benefits so others arent paying for their children. Hypocrites.

  • lisa says:

    Well said carol, couldt have put it better myself, a normal mum always puts her kids first and budgets with what she has coming into her home, you gave birth to those kids they are your responsibility!!!
    This is what pisses me off that men do not get a say in what happens with a womans body before during or after pregnancy, they just get landed with a bloody great bill from the CSA, its disgusting, if you cant afford kids dont have them simples

  • carol says:

    Yups lisa, sad fact that gets overlooked. End of day, we as women make choices with pregnancy, and we can chose to go ahead or not with a pregnancy, whether the father wants to be a dad or not. Men dont get that say. And some women do get pregnant deliberately unfortunately…and increase in benefits isnt enough for that kind of mentality. So the father gets screwed over.

    So guys, please be careful out there. Even if youre with the sweetest girl, get to know her period dates, her birth control method, know it all inside out, research it, and if something doesnt add up, cover your back (no pun intended). And get to use your gut instinct above your groin because being cock struck can make you miss those red flags springing up all over the place. Look back on your failed relationship…you can see all the warning signs now I bet, and Im sure you can remember feeling uneasy with something your ex said or done…..well that was gut warning you, and your cue to listen to it and leave.

    ; )

  • Gonk says:

    Yes…well said carol and Lisa
    Hell women like you piss me off beyond believe…whilst,like most decent people on this site would be on your side if your ex was a deadbeat who is on a mission to avoid supporting his kids.?
    You destroyed any sympathy anyone might have had for you when you brought his new partner/ wife into the story….WHY,HOW THE F**K WOULD YOU THINK SHE SHOULD PAY FOR YOUR KIDS ?
    Damm…you women are something else
    And Peter Brown…we’ll said mate….get off your arse and earn your own living…it’s sooooo true…people like you are what the csa filth thrive on

  • browned off says:

    He has to be left with a certain amount to pay his own bills. He is still entitled to a roof over his head, although the CSA might not agree with that!

  • brett says:

    Could someone claify if under CSA1 rules, the NRP’s new wife or partner’s wages, if they are cohabiting are taken into account ? Im under the old rules and when reassessed recently the CSA case clerk did ask me if I was married/cohabiting.

    Lisa and Carol. Love reading your comments.

  • Jason says:

    Wow, is she taking the p**s?? Typical of what the whole CSA system has become, disgraceful, absolutly disgraceful.

  • Jo says:

    Under csa1 rules a partners income does come into it but they don’t have to disclose it if they wish not to. Also a pwcs circumstances is also included with assessments, if she remarries etc.

  • lisa says:

    Under CS1 rules yes they will take into account your partners wage, only if your willing with the information, why should your partner pay for your children to your ex, its morally wrong, why not ask them to move you onto CS2, uch easier to deal with, the only thing is they dont take into account mortgage/rent etc,
    The NRP’s housing costs. make sure they know it all
    The PWC’s income. tell them as little as possible, dont include CB/CTC/WTC
    The NRP partner’s income if your willing to give such info????
    Tel the CSA nothing they dont need to know, the only thing they might know is if you have tax credits paid through your wage and they show up on payslips that have been asked for, even then ask for variation if you think its wrong, .

  • j says:

    “Written by Ruth Boland – Why then is his partner/possible wifes income not included.”

    Why on earth should your ex’s new partner pay you for his kids? Are you some kind of goldigger, have you no shame, the disgrace is you. Get a life and learn to manage. People like you give women such a bad name. Tell you what, if you are finding it difficult then give your child ack to your ex then you can pay his new partner.

  • Sally says:

    That’s it J… She (Ruth) expects everyone else to pay for her kids then plays the ‘poor me’ card… I notice that she doesn’t mention that she contributes to the kids welfare out of her own pocket… She wants child benefit, child tax credits without any effort and wants to,top up ‘her income’ with maximum child maintenance…. The poor guy is probably stressed with it all…. That’s why he is off sick…

    I realise PWCs don’t have it easy all the time and need assistance to get ANY money from unpaying NRPs but the attitude of a lot of PWC stinks…. Why on earth they would expect another woman who is no relation to a child, to support it financially is beyond me… I will never see my partners kids go without but I will do all I can to make sure the greedy PWC gets as little as possible….

  • lisa says:

    I would be ashamed to even write something like this on an open forum, makes you look greedy pathetic bloody woman, this is what needs to happen
    I think the Government as pathetic as they are should bring out a contract for couples who are planning a long term future or marrying, in this countract should stipulate whether a man actually wants children, if he signs said contract the woman then should be entitled to emotional and fair child maintainance for said child/ren if he is allowed access regularly to the child/ren, if there isnt a contract in place and the woman goes ahead and has the child regardless of the mans feeling and the worst happens IE he leaves or they seperate she has no claims over him, Also young girls should be forced to have contracpetion until they are 21 to stop teenage pregnancies, if they have children young there parents should foot the bill for them not being pushed into taking contraception, disentitle them to free housing and benefits make them work and show them real life,This might just stop young girls thinking they have a free ride,

  • brett says:

    Jo and Lisa, thankyou for your comments.It did ring a bell that under CSA1 rules the new wife or current partner’s wages were taken into account.

  • brett says:

    Lisa, I did ask to be put on CSA2 but reading a recent comment on here, certain conditions have to apply. If I was on CSA2 rules I would be paying £150 plus per month less.

  • lisa says:

    Sorry we couldt help you more brett, i think the CSA are so far behind with the times, you could probably afford to a lot more in life if you wasnt having your wages raped every week/month, its so rediculous, i so feel for any man having to deal with the lying shower of shite,

  • Jo says:

    Brett, do you know if the pwc has declared any of her incomings on an assessment? Has her situation changed at all, don’t know if that’s a route you can go down? Write to your mp and make him/her aware of how unfair it is and throw in your human rights….criminals can use this, so why can’t an nrp. Good luck!

  • Alice says:

    For a case to move from CS1 to CS2 the original case would need to be closed and a new application made under CS2, there must be a 13 week period between the closure date and the new app, if the new app is made within the 13 weeks from the closure date the case would be re-opened on CS1. Or, if an application is made by anther PWC the new case will be opened on CS2 and the original CS1 case will be moved onto CS2 in line with the new app – the original CS1 case may be subject to phasing.

  • brett says:

    Alice thanks for clarification and Lisa and Jo thanks for advice. Without going into details, sadly I don’t see my son although the mother has never worked and always lived on the benefit system and doing cash in hand jobs.

  • lisa says:

    Unfortunalty brett thats the easy life for slappers like that, take take take and give nothing back, play them all at there own game and give them nothing, the sooner the CSA changes the better

  • Brett says:

    Yes your right Lisa, I stupidly had a very brief relartionship with this piece of pond life. Her daughter from a previous relationship was at that age when all the benefits would soon be coming to an end, so the easy option was to get pregnanrt again and live off me for the next 20 years.

  • Gabby says:

    I bought my children up without a penny from their father and managed ok. You sound extremely selfish. You have no concerns that the father of your children is sick, you obviously dont appreciate any money that you have recieved from him already, and you clearly want to squeeze as much as you can from him and his new partner. Where is your pride as a woman and as a mother? Grow up and go and earn some money to feed and clothe your children.

    My son is currently paying child support and the CSA are taking double as they say he has arrears. He has enough money left to pay his rent .. and that is it! no money for food, heating, lighting, work expenses etc. He sees his children 3 times a week and has them overnight. He can no longer do this as he cant feed them. I do what i can to help him, but as a grown man, he is embarrased to take money from me. Your ex is probably in a similar situation, like so many other non resident parents. As I say, why dont you grow up .. go and have a grown up chat with him, have a look at what he can realistically provide and agree to that. I expect you get your rent paid for .. and your council tax . oh yes, and get some income support each week .. plus your child benefit, perhaps a cold weather payment too?

    Yes it is disgraceful, disgraceful that you have the mind set you do .. You are an embarrasment to our sex!

  • j says:

    “Brett on February 19th, 2013 10:25 pm

    Yes your right Lisa, I stupidly had a very brief relartionship with this piece of pond life. Her daughter from a previous relationship was at that age when all the benefits would soon be coming to an end, so the easy option was to get pregnanrt again and live off me for the next 20 years.”

    I think that about sums it up. There really are some women who think like this and its supported by the state. Was it Lisa that put the link to the Royal Marine that was conned into thinking a child was his? This isnt a case of an unemployed layabout ‘absent dad’ from a council sink estate, its someone who is risking his life for us and just look at the way he was treated.

    The women who do this should be ashamed and perhaps we need a change in the law to stop men being treated as a ‘cash cow’.

  • browned off says:

    Gabby – my son is in exactly the same position as yours. He just about pays all his bills but there is nothing left for food. His dad helps out with petrol and he keeps his car usage to the minimum. We also help out with food as he has a shared residence order and has his children living with him but not 50% of the time. Like your son, my son is appreciative of all we do, but feels embarrassed that he is unable to feel his children. We all have to get on with it however, as the children need to be fed and clothed and between us we manage it. The tax system in general does no favours for dads with shared residence orders, as they are taxed as single persons even though they have children living with them.

  • Lisa says:

    Gwent mum jailed after telling Royal Marine ex baby was his
    12:44pm Monday 18th February 2013 in News.

    A YOUNG Gwent mum who conned her Royal Marine ex-boyfriend into thinking he was the father of her baby – and allowed him to pay thousands towards the child’s upkeep – has been jailed.

    The “father” was serving in Afghanistan when his ex, in her twenties, e-mailed him the news that she was pregnant with his child.

    Despite his suspicions, he treated the baby girl as his own and paid out thousands in maintenance before the mother’s web of lies came apart.

    She was jailed for six months at Newport Crown Court after admitting two counts of fraud last month and has now failed in a Court of Appeal bid to be allowed to return to her daughter.

    The court heard the couple had a brief relationship in 2006 but separated shortly before he was deployed to Afghanistan.

    While there, he received an e-mail saying she was pregnant with his child. She insisted she was telling the truth, despite his suspicions.

    When he returned, they rekindled the relationship for a short time and, despite his doubts, he continued to pay towards the child’s support.

    In 2009, he asked for a DNA test, which was arranged. The results showed he was not the father, but the mother, from Gwent, lied.

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    However, her deceit began to unravel when she sent a letter purporting to confirm the child’s paternity to the Marine’s sister and discrepancies in dates were noted.

    He was still abroad in 2011 when she told his fiancée a second DNA test had confirmed he was the father, but he had ordered results himself and discovered the fraud.

    In a victim impact statement, he said it was not the lost cash which hurt him most, but the discovery that the child he had treated as his own was not.

    He described it as like a “bereavement”, having decided not to stay in touch with the little girl because he thought it might cause her difficulties in later life.

    The mother said the fraud was not motivated by financial gain, but by wanting her daughter to have consistency in her life. She said she initially believed the Marine was the father.

    Her solicitor, Justin Evans, argued at the Court of Appeal that the six-month sentence she received was too long.

    Prison had come as “a crushing blow” to her, he said. But, worse still, her daughter had lost not only the person she thought was her dad, but also her mother for months.

    But Mr Justice Eder, who heard the appeal in London with Lord Justice Laws and Judge Michael Stokes QC, said the offences were too serious to justify cutting the sentence to release her.

    “What is absolutely clear is that, at the very latest, the appellant was well aware he wasn’t the father from August 2009 when she received the results of the DNA test,” he said.

    “There can be little doubt about the devastating effect the appellant’s actions have had on him and, in our view, these are important aggravating factors.

    “We have no doubt that these offences justified the judge’s conclusion that an immediate custodial sentence was appropriate.

    “We don’t consider that the sentence imposed by the judge was wrong in principle or manifestly excessive.”

  • Lisa says:

    The slag above was found after all that time, maybe other mums that are doing the same should heed warning, it wont be long till your doing the same,

  • dadof3 says:

    I was raised by a single mother with 2 siblings with no money paid by our father, ever.

    Trust me on this, its not money, but LOVE that children thrive on.

    It amazes me how much people moan about no money for the kids, yet millions upon millions of bright, wonderful people around the world grow up on pennies and turn out just fine – the government pay out billions in benefits for single parents and child benefits – it IS enough – Ive done it n the past and I think people expect too much of an easy ride and free money all the time.

    How do you think so many men work so hard to have so much money taken from their salary and still have to try and live and pay bills and have anything to show for their hard work – then someow come up with more cash to entertan their children when they have contact.

    Men around Britain used as cash cows and sperm donors – would you prefer the father takes the kids off your hands full time and you go and work and pay him 40% of your money – no? – so stop moaning – you have the children – be happy.

  • anonymous says:

    I am in contact with the ex royal marine who was defrauded out of child maintenence. Being a mother myself, I appreciate any time my child’s father spends with him and money is not an issue providing my son is nurtured and loved the way children should be. For women to be using men to claim ‘free’ money off strangers to their children is soul destroying to both child and father. Jail means nothing if the child in question never gets to know the truth about her life and may have four or five fathers before claiming the right one.

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