He owes me thousands so why must I pay him?

May 27, 2014

I seperated from my ex husband over 10 years ago. we have 2 children. Despite an ongoing case he did not pay maintainance as he should amd as a result is now in arrears to the sum of £30,000.

I complained in 2008 about the lack of follow up on the case despite providing CSA with his address and placve of work. They were are aware that there was equity in his property (at least £50,000) and advised that they would be apllying to take the case to court which still has not happened and i have not recieved a penny.

My son is now 17 and resides with his father, i had kep[t him with no maintainance from his father from the age of 5 to 14, i never received payments for my daughter who is now 20 yeras old. i have recieved a letter this morning to inform that now his father is attempting to claim maintainance from me despite him owing me this sum of money, how can this be right?

I have spoke to various people this morning who gave me conflicting information hence the complaint and i plan to seek legal advice.

Firstly i was told that5 following an assessment of my earnings once it had been decided what i have to pay i wouldnt infact pay anything as this amount would be taken off the money that he infact owes me for the very same child that he is attempting to claim for. i was advised this by 2 memebers of staff who are dealing with his claim.

I then contacted someone who had dealth with my claim from years ago and was then told that this was wrong and that any maintainance payments would be paid to my ex husband and not taken off the amount he owes me. i was also advised that my outgoings would not be taken into consideration when i have a mortgage to pay. i was also advised today that i had recieved payments for the arrears in april may and june which i did not know anything about and that these paymets were for the sum of £268 a month but now say this amount is wrong and has been recalcuated and therefore will nopw only be £21 per month.

I have not recieved any communication at all from the csa to inform me of any of this or any uopdates on the case.

So firslty i want to compain abouyt the lack of correspondance from the csa and the total lack of commuication in order to update me regarding the case. i have chased this for a number of yeas and got sick and tired of getting no where hence the lack of myself contacting you in the end.

Secondly could you please clarify that once the assessment takes place will the amount be deducted from the arrears that my ex husband owes me r will the money go to him.

Thirdly if it is assessed that out of his wages he can only afford to pay me £21 but has equity in his property what would the next step be in order to move this forward and take the case to court?

I can not see how it can be justfied that he owes me thousands of pounds for my son but the i have to pay monthly maintanance to him for the same child that he owes me the money for how can this be right.

I have requested the csa to ring me back to clarify this information but as usual never recieve a call badck from them, i am totally dissatisfied with the service or the lack of it. i would be grateful if you could clarify my concerns as a matter of urgency and advise a way forward as you can imagine this situation is very stressfull.

I need to know what my rights and options are as soon as possible regardig the above concerns, he has not paid and the case has been left for over 10 years then i recieve letters stating if i do not respond it could end up in court, 10 years of my ex husband not responding has never resulted in him having to go to court this process is totally wrong.

To add in the letter dated in 2008 it stated that if they were to start recieving regular payments from him that they would look at and qadvance payment is this still an option, i was also advised that a warning letter had gone out to advise that here would be a hearing date at court within a few months which never happened.

This cas has been with reinforcement and still nothing happened. now i am advised that even though he owes the arrears the case is closed as my son now resides with him,i was also adives that i wo9uld be contacted once the re assesemnts had been complete which never happened.


  • jo says:

    Why are you happy to see your son on the street? I agree with the comment above, csa are renowned for making errors on arrears and you might be chasing a debt that might be incorrect….know this first hand with them trying to sting my husband for thousands and breaking it down bit by bit he actually owed zilch.

  • marie says:

    you are all being unfair to this women . I an going through the same thing .we do want the best for the children but some men get away with not paying for the kids and then put things into there heads so the kids then blame the mums and want to move in with the dads. some dad just want them for the money and by right if they don’t pay why sould they get paid . you lad 17 why dose he not get a job . or if he in full time school or college make sure you get a letter saying he is . good luck hope all gose well and don’t give up

  • jo says:

    Marie….majority of women do this all the time to men, alienating children from their fathers and throw csa into the mix which creates even more hostility, children of age not getting jobs to get more money etc etc….no it’s not fair however way you look at it, but you think it more acceptable because the op is a woman? My husbands ex was told, sorry, guaranteed from csa she would get more money if she went through them instead of sticking to court order in which she had the house and everything in it, when it turned out not to be the case and money hungry she turned the kids against him, said he was violent with no proof and went after fictitious arrears because the csa put in a wrong assessment…years of bitterness and for what, is it worth it? If the child is now living with dad, what’s good enough for the goose and all that….does this woman not think that the house would be inheritance for their children but wants it sold to get what’s hers? I’m sorry her post comes across as very bitter because their son went to live with his father and if he’s happy then she should be happy he’s being looked after.

  • Mr M says:

    Did you state “HE OWES YOU” dear me, you seriously need to get a life and move on and leave the poor bloke alone, or do you just want him to suffer because he is a man. Women like you are a disgrace. S K A N K!

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