Fathers have all the rights for access but mothers have few rights

February 3, 2013

Omg CSA are a joke there nothing but a waste of space,my son is 8 and for 7 years the csa was trying to track my ex down he kept moving and leaving his jobs he finally got married and had a child so hes now in stable work and they finally got payments off him from a deductions of earning order so for passed 6 months ive had £97 a mth thats his payments plus 7 years arrears which last time i asked were over £3000 just for me.

Now this mth i get nothing and wont get anything because his hours at work have dropped so because the law says he has to live off a certain amount of money,i get nothing until his hours go up,well thats not going to happen seeing as he works with his mother,hes finally bet the system,hes won.the csa may aswell close my case because hes found a way to stop paying.

Makes me so angry the csa know what hes like for god sake he slammed doors in there faces he hid behind his wife he moved round he quit jobs everytime they caught up with him now this.So while hes laughing at the csa and me,my son gets ignored not only by his father who has never seen him but also by the csa, govement.

They need better rules and systems in place for us mothers, fathers have rights to see there children yet us mothers dont seem to get many rights.

Comments

  • j says:

    “Fathers have all the rights for access but mothers have few rights – February 3, 2013”

    Hi Jennifer, first of all –

    This isnt the csa its an open forum so don’t give names/details etc especially of children. (your own name can be used to identify the kids, and your case)

    Sorry about your situation but cant see what point you are trying to make, especially as you seem to say that the father of your child doesnt have any access, I mean if he was then how come he dodged the csa for so long?

    Anyway, the reason ‘fathers get all the access’ is because mothers get all the residence (custody) and the awarding of ‘access’ is a ‘smokescreen’ designed to make the whole divorce process seem fair. Its all a big sham really as very often access is denied and there isnt much a dad can do about it. People forget that the issue of access is the right of the child, not a gift from you or the right of the dad. (though maybe it should be) In any event it should be an enforceable right as you can make the arument that to deny access is a form of child abuse.

    Also remember that having a child should not be considered as an alternative source of income, – child benefit, benefit payments, maintenance etc. Not saying thats your case but perhaps if we did two things the situation would improve – 1. Access should be enforceable (where appropriate ie no child abuse) and best way to do that is to say ‘no access = no maintenance’. and 2. if a parent doesn’t want access (shirks the responsibiity) then no variation (deductions) in payments.

    Sorry but I’m just stating an opinion, not having a go at you in anyway. Meantime –

    Don’t deal with the csa by phone, everything in writing, sent recorded, keep the receipts.

    Copy your MP into everything and try and get them involved as your advocate.

    Make a formal complaint about any decision you are unhappy with from the outset as time limits are involved. Always go for an appeal tribunal asap following the internal process.

    Get a copy of your Data Protection prints from the outset so you know what you are dealing with, again follow the correct procedure in wording your request to get ALL information, send it to the right department, send the correct fee.

    Don’t be afraid to complain about any csa staff, or their superiors if you feel you have just cause.

    Remember the process, internal complaint, ‘independent’ case examiner (the csa protection department), appeals tribunal, parliamentary and health service ombudsman through your mp for maladministration.

    Hope this helps you.

  • Gonk says:

    Wow
    Jennifer….you treading on dodgy ground with such a title for your plight.
    I think you will find that many people on here will totally disagree with you…in most cases it’s the complete opposite..that said I hope you get help and your ex sees he has a moral obligation to provide for his kids. If you ever manage to talk to him or email him?
    Tell him this….from all the NRP’s that are screwed by by this unjust ,unfair organisation that they have gotten their claws into…come to a private arrangement and start paying …don’t get these people involved because he will be screwd for yrs to come…he may have his reasons for dodging the csa if he heard how they treat people and not just NRP,s
    My own advise to him would be stay well away from the csa and please please have some moral obligation and pay a fair amount towards your kids through a private arrangements….you will have control over your money paid and your life….let the csa deal with you and you will lose both.
    Gonk

  • Gonk says:

    Oh I forgot to mention…he will have some control on how his money is spent and whom it’s spent on.under csa terms and conditions a NRP has no say whatsoever on whom or how his money is spent…it’s not the csa,s problem despite their name and what it’s supposed to stand for ?
    Gonk

  • j says:

    I wrote this statement but i never put that title and some of what i said has been changed,i know not to use a forum again to have a vent,also i dont live on handouts i work and so does my husband,i only wanted to point out that my ex has got away with paying csa.

  • Jennifer – the title was extracted from your comment “fathers have rights to see there children yet us mothers dont seem to get many rights” – and nothing you wrote was changed.

  • carol says:

    Jennifer, Gonk wrote sense up there, and whilst it is maddening that ex’s dont pay maintenance, I do think in some cases it is down to fear of being taken to the cleaners and being left with nothing…so they run, dodge, and dont communicate. Not saying this is right, but only you will know your ex well enough to say what his actions are likely coming from.

    Law may state we have a right to a certain amount to live on, but that amount is nowhere near adequate. Your ex knows that already, so the added burden of having wages cut to the point where you are better off on JSA, as woefull as that in itself is, can make people do things out of character.

    If his relationship with his children mattered, take away the CSA, you are not getting anything via that route anyway. So get them off the case, and try to let him rebuild his relationship up with his children. When the pressure is off financially and he can feel confident about going back to work, he may be able to contribute financially to the children. Dont expect much, just accept what he can give as he may have debts elsewhere.

    If he still ignores you, then youre best off writing it off.

    I dont say this as an NRP, but as a PWC who tried and tried with both my childrens fathers, and just forgave them, and got on with my life. Sure I was pissed off, but getting the CSA involved would not of helped, so I didnt contact them. I had money, both from working and from state via help whilst working. I managed to feed and clothe us all on that. But there were sacrafices, yet I would rather I knew the score, dealt with it, than chase a man who let us down, for crumbs I would never receive.

  • j says:

    “j on February 4th, 2013 2:56 pm

    I wrote this statement but i never put that title and some of what i said has been changed”

    Hi jd, so you took my advice a bit then? Thats what this site is all about, we learn from our own, and others experiences. The site operators are not trying to catch you out, its just the way the site operates. When you make a new post you can at the start write a title and it will be respected and used.

    Good luck with your situation.

  • j says:

    Also like to point out that my ex has never seen his son and never wants to.so my vent wasnt about him seeing him,thanks for all your help i have now informed csa to close my case

  • carol says:

    I really hope your ex has a change of heart one day and steps up. If not, then hope you are given opportunities and help to start building your life making it better for you and your children. Its quite a learning curve all this, but you sound like a strong, compassionate woman, and your children will take that from you. All the best.

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