Ex uses our ADHD daughter to get money

October 10, 2012

I really dont want to drag my story out as it is a very long and involved one.

Basically, my ex has had care of my 2 children since we split in 1995. She moved away with my children and did not let me know where they were, i didnt see my children for 15 years.

out of the blue i got a facebook message from my ex saying she needed to contact me. clearly shocked i did contact her, to be told that my son (then 16) had turned out to be a ‘badd un’ and was planning on finding me. She thoguht it best i know. and that was teh end of that, despite me trying to get more infomation as to how my son and daughter were, i was told my daughter didnt want to know me.

Anyway, i managed to track down my son, i found out that his mother had kicked him out, he was (and still is) living with his girlfriend. We have a relationship now, despite his mother making it difficult.

Now my daughter, at the time of contact was 15. Apparently she DID want to know me, and my son arranged for us to meet, without the mothers knowledge, it was amazing to be with both of my children.

A few months pass and i slowly begin to learn about my childrens lives, and found out just how poorly they had been treated (to the point of abuse). It was made to sound so bad, my dughter asked if she could live with me once she turned 16. I and my wife agreed that we would help her but as we had no room at all for her (18 year old stepson – 2 bed house) we would do all we can.
Shortly after her 16 birthday my daugher ‘ran away’ to be with us. My friend accomodated her for a couple of weeks but we were getting no help through the correct channels (childrens act/council/social services) eventually the stress became too much and she returned to her mother and starts college. then a claim for CSA was filed which i pay through a DEO.
we try and continue a relationship with the mothers ‘blessing’.

Her mother constantly kicks my daugher out of the family home (every 4 weeks – reasons to follow) i housed her for a week just a few months ago as she had nowhere to go. my daugher missed her friends and returned to her mothers home.
My daugher finished college in Feburary of this year.

I called the CSA at the end of August to ask about my payments as my duughter was not planning on returning to college, i was initially told that my last payment would be 03/09/12. i was told to call back a few days later to confirm the DEO was stopped. I called back and got another operator who after hearing my ‘story’ that my duagher was no longer in college placed me on hold. A few minutes later the opoerator returned and told me that she had spoken to the PWC and that my daughter was due to start a course in a ‘few weeks time’.

I expained that as far as i knew this was not true and requested that payments were stopped. I was informed that the CSA were not going to do this as making a new claim may put the PWC at hardship.
The CSA did not care that i had been paying since FEburary despite my daughter not being in education.

IT turns out that my daughter has indeed started college, which is fine. However i also find out that she is now PREGNANT!! (10 weeks).
a few days ago i get a call from my daughter, she has been kicked out of the mothers home and has moved in with a friend and needs some money – i oblige.

The reason she has been kicked out and is kicked out pretty much every 4 weeks is unbelieveable.

My Daughter gets DLA for ADHD. she gets the highest rate of around £280 a month. This gets paid into her mothers bank, he mother helps herself to £140 of this every month as ‘Rent’. whem my daughter asks for some of the remaining money (Which is HERS – NOT her mothers). a row breaks out, my daughter gets kicked out and the mother keeps her money. A few days later the mother begs my daughter to come home because she is ‘missing her’ or similar. My daughter really has nowhere to go (i am 100 miles away) so she returns. rinse and repeat.

In all, my daughter is paying £35 rent a week, i am paying £70 CSA and the CB is £20.

£135 a week is what the mother is fleecing from being the PWC (the ‘C’ should be taken lightly).

So i know a lot of this is a rant, but where do i stand now? I would gladly see the CSA money paid to my daughter but why should her mother receive £280 a month CSA when she is not living there?

Even last year, the local council housed my daughter in B&B accomodation as she was homeless. when the council made enquiries the mother said ‘oh, she’s not homeless she is welcome back any time’. the council then took away her B&B forcing her to return.

can anyone advise? I jsut dont know what to do anymore. The CSA keep telling me that as long as the PWC is claiming Child Benefit (a new claim was made last month) there is little they can do.
Well im sorry, i have no dealings with the CB office, i only have deaings with the CSA so how is this my problem?


6 Responses to “Ex uses our ADHD daughter to get money”

  1. chall on October 10th, 2012 5:05 pm

    Quote SapperGB; ‘i have no dealings with the CB office, i only have deaings with the CSA so how is this my problem?

    ~ Usually, if a parent is in receipt of Child Benefit, they can apply for CSA.

    Is your daughter able to manage her own money?
    As she is over 16 years, she may be able to claim DLA herself.

    The link below may be helpful.

    chall ~ afairercsaforall

  2. Alice on October 10th, 2012 7:11 pm

    by law the csa have to keep a claim open whilst the PWC is in receipt of Child Benefit – if you believe that this is being claimed fraudulently they you must report this to the CB office, they will investigate this and if proved correct they will close the claim, once this is done you can report this to the csa and they will close the case at their end.

    If your daughter is attending college full time (more than 12 hours per week) your ex is entitled to claim CB for her – but if as you say your daughter is not living with your ex this makes the claim fraudulent.

    If your daughter has social services involved and is able to manage her own money, perhaps with some support, she can claim her own benefits and this would put your csa claim in a whole new light.

  3. Matt on October 11th, 2012 1:00 am

    Chall, Thank you. My daughter’s DLA claim is in her name, it has been since the age of sixteen however her mother will not allow her to open her own bank account, she will not even allow her to obtain the required documentation. The mother insists that DLA is paid into her account, then is not forthcoming at all with the money when my daughter requests it. As for the Child Benefit, see below.

    Alice, where in any legislation does it state that law? as far as i can see CB is only used to ascertain who the PWC actually is. what would happen if the PWC is earning over the earnings threshold for C.B?

    I feel the C.B. relationship is only there because the CSA say its ‘in the rules’ but where?

    Reporting C.B. Fraud, as far as i can see as the total amount of fraud (Annually) would be less than the amount to investigate and prosecute, i doubt they would even bother.

  4. chall on October 11th, 2012 6:48 pm

    How old is your daughter, Matt?

    That’s a shame, especially if your daughter feels ready to be more independent. Would your ex discuss the idea of your daughter having her own account with you?

    If you and your daughter feel (perhaps with your assistance) that she could manage her own money, may be you/she could acquire the necessary proofs required.

    The following deals with whether a child remains so for CS purposes.
    The Child Support (Miscellaneous Amendments) (No. 2) Regulations 2009

    (4) In Schedule 1 (meaning of “child” for the purposes of the Act)(f)—
    (a) for paragraph 1 (persons of 16 or 17 years of age who are not in full-time non-advanced education), substitute—
    “1. The conditions which must be satisfied for a person to be a child within section
    55(1)(c) of the Act are that the person—
    (a) is registered for training with a qualifying body; and
    (b) is a person in respect of whom child benefit is payable.

    The following deals with ‘Persons treated as non-resident parents’ The Child Support (Maintenance Calculations and Special Cases) Regulations 2000

    8.—(1) Where the circumstances of a case are that—
    (a)two or more persons who do not live in the same household each provide day to day care for the same qualifying child; and
    (b)at least one of those persons is a parent of the child,
    that case shall be treated as a special case for the purposes of the Act.

    (2) For the purposes of this special case a parent who provides day to day care for a child of his is to be treated as a non-resident parent for the purposes of the Act in the following circumstances—
    (a)a parent who provides such care to a lesser extent than the other parent, person or persons who provide such care for the child in question; or
    (b)where the persons mentioned in paragraph (1)(a) include both parents and the circumstances are such that care is provided to the same extent by both but each provides care to an extent greater than or equal to any other person who provides such care for that child—

    (i)the parent who is not in receipt of child benefit for the child in question; or
    (ii)if neither parent is in receipt of child benefit for that child, the parent who, in the opinion of the Secretary of State, will not be the principal provider of day to day care for that child.

    (3) For the purposes of this regulation and regulation 10 “child benefit” means child benefit payable under Part IX of the Contributions and Benefits Act.

    Hope that helps


  5. Matt on October 11th, 2012 9:33 pm

    Thanks Chall,

    Im afraid the way that the act is witten in your post is confusing to say the least. I still fail to understand that it means that if a PWC is in receipt of CB then they are entitled to CS and that the CSA has to enforce when this is the case.

    It does say that to meet the CS criteria then a child must be in education and that CB is being paid and i find that just because the criteria is met this is the be all and end all. I do not accept thatsimply meeting the criteria entitles payment.

    This is really all wooly, the main issue is the fact that the child no longer resides with the CS claimant, she has been housed (as of today) by the local authority. The fact of the matter is that the claimant is still in receipt of CB and therefore in the CSA’s eyes CS is still payable – this is not true, CS is paid to a PWC, this is clear in the closing elepents of your post. Who, in this case could the secretary of state declare to be the prinicpal provider of care? the act as paraphrased above is contradictory

    I care not for how legsislation is translated (and it DOES need translation into laymans terms to understand most of the time) If the child does not live at the address that the claimant lives then there is no possible legality in the CSA continuing with a DEO. This is a serious abuse of their powers and i believe could constitute the department acting fraudulently. and at the very least if they blame the claimant for failure to provide information then they colud be an accessory in commital of fraud.

    The CSA have been informed (by myself) of the change in circumstances, and despite me offering the details of Social workers involved. refuse to accept the information stating that they need to confirm this with the claimant, the claimant is due to loose a substantial amount of money and as such, i do not beleive they will be overly enthusiastic in providing them with details. I know for a fact that the claimant has changed their telephone number and the CSA do not have the new one. This will result in a paper trail which will take weeks/months to conclude, overpayments being made and the more serious issue of me not being able to provide for my daughter who is very much in need at this time – she has no money and is officially homeless, she is 17 years of age and having a hard time claiming benefits.

  6. chall on October 11th, 2012 11:15 pm

    Quote Matt ‘…the child no longer resides with the CS claimant, she has been housed (as of today) by the local authority. The fact of the matter is that the claimant is still in receipt of CB and therefore in the CSA’s eyes CS is still payable – this is not true, CS is paid to a PWC, this is clear in the closing elepents of your post. Who, in this case could the secretary of state declare to be the prinicpal provider of care?’

    A lots happened in a day…

    It will depend on the amount of care the LA are providing…
    If the care provided by the LA is 7 nights a week, as a LA can not be a PWC, then no CS would be payable by the NRP’s.
    The PWC would have a duty to inform the CSA that they have stopped being the PWC to the child in the calculation, but not required to do so until the change has taken place.

    Alternatively if the LA provides less than day to day care (part time), such a level could be ignored.
    If another person shares the care for the child for at least 104 nights in the 12 month period ending with the relevant week, that person can be treated as having the day to day care.

    As the change has only taken place today, it may be the PWC may have made contact the CSA/Child Benefit after you called them.
    Does your daughter know her mum’s telephone number and could it be passed onto the CSA?

    The following link may help with advice regarding benefits http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/benefits_e/benefits_children_and_young_people_ew/young_people_and_benefits.htm


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