Ex treats CSA like a game

October 15, 2014

My daughter is coming up to 10 in November 14. Her father and I have been separated for ten years in March 15. When we first separated he begged me not to ale him to the CSA. I begged him for £20 per week. I had just moved home and was trying to start again. I received 1 maybe 2 payments and it stopped. I made a claim with the CSA on the approach to my daughters 1st birthday.

For the first three years i received nothing, i was advised his mum was advising he didn’t live at her address and his grandmother was saying the same therefore batting the “not at this address” card about.

Eventually as he had not contacted them when my daughter was 5 they found him liable for £40 per week averaged from his age, profession and location. He soon got in contact to advise them he was not in work and wasn’t willing to pay. He was taken to court and was given a order to pay £100 for arrears per month and £20 in maintenance or face prison. His mum paid it. For a few months that is.

From the age of 1 to 5 I dropped our child with his mum at my cost every 2 weeks and collected her at my expense. I also provided her with everything she needed for her visit clothes, nappies, milk ext. He provided nothing.

He then entered into a new relationship with a woman who already had three children and the quickly had one together. I in the mean time was working as hard as ever and still providing him access to our daughter at my cost.

He wrote to the CSA and somehow they sent the letter to me, it basically announced that he was on benefits and this payment his mum was making was causing his family hardship so the payments stopped and the CSA agreed.

I then received £60 in payments over two years of £5 each time as he was on JSA. Each time he failed to sign on or he was sanctioned I stopped getting money. That money paid for half of a violin lesson a week 6 times out of 50 weeks.

I don’t have the right to stop paying for her essential care if it causes me hardship and believe me, at times it has. I have gone without a coat and shoes and had to walk the 7 miles to work and back as I had no money to get there. We have had to eat at family members house because the food we had just did not stretch far enough. We had three years without a family holiday and my daughter missed so many other opportunities. I have never claimed benefits apart from maternity allowance for my daughters first 6 months until I went back to work. I had a house, bills and a £200 weekly child care bill.

After all that hard work and after meeting a decent man I am lucky enough not to be in that situation and I only work a few hours from home so I can be there for My daughter more than I used to. However I still do not get any maintenance for her. He signed off benefits in June 2013 and didn’t pay. I have called the CSA every month on the 15th of each (or there abouts) for an up-date. They say they are looking into his bank, that took 10 months for them to inform me they could not take money out of it, and could not tell me why. They have said the inland revenue does not hold any employment details for him so they can not apply to deduct his earnings. It costs me more to call them than I have ever had in maintenance.

My daughter does not see her father anymore, for a lot of reasons other than this one and she has started to ask about money. However am careful not to get into the conversation and scream at her about the lengths he has gone to not to pay she has started to text him and ask for money. Unfortunatly he thinks it is me encouraging her to do this, but genuinely believe he only says this to further prolong his non payments.

I wis so much I could take him to court. The way I see it, he put his name on her birth cert and signed for parental respocibility, as did I. He should be liable for half the payments towards her up-keep. He could also diminish his responsibility for me and remove him from our life completely. I can’t just decide I am not paying for my daughter one day, if i didn’t provide secure living, food or clothing I would be on the front of every national news paper having had my daughter forcibly removed from me for neglect. For her father however it is like a game. Giving us and the CSA the run around, getting away with never contributing but is still allowed to visit her as he has the magical parental rights! If he wants those rights he should have them all, as do I.

The CSA do nothing, they don’t call me, ring me or update me. They don’t chase him and according to him have never contacted him in 4 years. If they can not do the job intended they should leave it to the people who can. I don’t have the option to take him to court only the CSA can I have to just sit and wait, year after year hoping that one day justice will be served.

My daughter looks him up on the internet and see him planning his wedding and the holidays he takes himself on. She has sat with him when he has play chis XBOX. She has seen him out drinking and buying cigarets. I couldn’t afford those luxuries and I work 42 hours a week.

I believe dragging this out for so long had had a major effect on my daughters early life and it has caused me immense amounts of stress and anxiety. If CSA had done their jo in the first year or allowed me to take him to court then a lot of this could have been saved. I used my money and time for him to see his daughter because I understand it is important but due to other reasons this has not worked what more can I do as a parent??

Pleas help me, I want to get money for her.


7 Responses to “Ex treats CSA like a game”

  1. Jeanette Stone on October 15th, 2014 12:24 pm

    If the child is yours then you take sole responsibility ! If the child is both of yours then yes the father has his responsibility!

  2. Sarah Louise White on October 15th, 2014 1:04 pm

    Huh jeanette when ever has a child just been ‘YOURS?’ as far as I’m aware it takes 2 to make a child. Not one..

  3. Simon Scott on October 15th, 2014 2:43 pm

    I am at the other end of the spectrum as far as the CSA are concerned! But that doesn’t mean I don’t sympathise with your situation, the CSA are the most incompetent government organisation in history!

  4. Jeanette Stone on October 15th, 2014 2:51 pm

    Then why do you say my instead of ours !

  5. Jeanette Stone on October 15th, 2014 3:07 pm

    And it should take two to raise the child !

  6. Sarah Louise White on October 15th, 2014 3:16 pm

    Doesn’t matter if u say my daughter his daughter who’s daughter either way it’s immature of u to think in such manner? U don’t go to a school and talk to a teacher and say out child this and our child that.. u would address them as my daughter this or my daughter that simple! It means no difference

  7. Jodie on October 15th, 2014 4:07 pm

    I refer to her as our daughter throuought this when in context. Like anyone who is asked whose is that little girl it’s “my daughter”.

    Besides the point of my English lesson. I only wish it felt like she was “our” daughter instead of “my” daughter when it matters and “ours” when it suits him!

    I feel for anyone, man or woman who works so hard to keep a family when some people get it handed to them on a plate.

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