Ex stopped me seeing my children after I introduced them to my new girlfriend

March 5, 2013

I had an arrangement with my ex where I would pay the mortgage in lieu of child support. We entered into the mortgage together knowing the potential risks if we split. When we did split, we worked out that me covering her half of the mortgage was roughly equal to what I would pay through the CSA. I offered to pay an additional £100 too.

Long story short, ex feels that I have overstepped a mark introducing children to current girlfriend and now she;

a) won’t let me see the children
b) set the CSA onto me
c) won’t split the mortgage
d) won’t return my phone calls, messages, emails, letters, etc.

So the CSA came after me, and told me I should be paying £75 per week for my half. It was a battle, but I finally got them to see I was paying the whole mortgage without support from ex. They reduced the payment to £50 pw on the proviso that I continue to pay the mortgage and don’t live in the property.

I filled in all their forms, WITH MY DIRECT DEBIT details. They confirmed receipt.

They then phone again a week later for my direct debit details. I told them they had it already. “Oh yeah” they said. You can see where I am going here.

They phoned a week later for my direct debit details.

And sent a letter.

I gave them my details again, at which point I got a backdated CSA bill to the point where I couldn’t afford the mortgage. Then I received a letter, as did my employers stating that as I hadn’t provided direct debit details, I had agreed to pay by Detachment of Earnings Order.

I hit the roof, and gave them my direct debit again. I then received a letter stating that on the 28th Feb, a Direct Debit would be taken of X and a further much smaller payment of £20 would be taken on the 1st March.

On 21st of Feb, I received a letter telling me I needed to urgently contact the CSA. I did so, only to be asked if I would mind, ever so much, making a card payment of £20 on the 28th Feb, the same day as the direct debit was taken. I agreed reluctantly.

Come 28th Feb, no payment was taken by direct debit. I decided to wait and see what happened on 1st March, and lo and behold a direct debit for only £20 was taken. I also received my phone bill – it cost me £13 to talk to CSA this month.

I am waiting for them to call me to tell me I have made a mistake and not paid my CSA. ARGHHHH. I’ve only been dealing with them for two months!


  • carol says:

    i am going to try and arrange a standing order….its being compliant, and its offering to pay, but does not give permission for them to just loot your account to whatever sum they fancy. Is prob why they dont like it. But you DO have the right to pay that way so INSIST as politely as you can considering you cannot afford to eat tins of beans thanks to them…

  • wilf says:

    Carol:- By far the best approach, they can not argue if you pay on time and regularly.

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