Ex refuses to have DNS tests to prove I am the father

August 15, 2012

I split up with my partner in 2007 due to the fact that i had caught her 3 times having a affair while i worked away. the last time was a phone call she made to me while i was away saying not to come back home. i had provided for my ex and our 3 children and her child from a previous relationship for 7 years. when we met she had nothing and she moved in with me into a flat then she got pregnant and we moved into a house, i worked hard to fill the house with all the things we needed. over the seven years together we had 3 children all girls with 2 years approx between them all.

I left the home with only 2 bags of my clothes and personal belongings. she even miss placed my mothers siver cross necklace which was all i had left that beloged to my mother who had passed away with cancer in 93. has all the belongings in the house should have been halfed i couldnt do that to the kids so i told her she could keep everything but i wouldnt be making any payments to her until she agrees to have dna tests done to prove that i am the father to the children. of course she disagreed to this, so from 2007 until today i have not paid her a penny. last year i had a letter from the csa and she was claiming for 2 of the children, she must have forgotten about the 3 child!!! i informed csa about the 3 child missing in the application and explained about the affairs she had been having and i was unsure if i am the legal parent.

they said it did look suspisious and will halt the claim while they looked into the matter, they sounded really on my side. yesterday morning i had a letter 11.08.12. from the csa stating that i owe back pay of over 13,000 and i have to pay 293 a week for 87 weeks then 136 a week thereafter. it seems there is nothing i can do to stop this has its coming direct out of my wages, so even if the children are not mine im going to have to pay. i work away from home and my partner of 3 years is fuming that this has happened, i truely wouldnt mind paying if i knew they are mine but i dont. im in a delima now of whether to give up working.

I’ve suffered depression before and it seems the whole world is closing in on me , this morning i just woke up and burst into tears thinking is it all worth it!!


  • Steve says:

    That sounds really tough and I feel for you. I would recommend you speak with the NACSA as basically I was getting really stressed even just talking with the CSA on the phone as their attitude is very bad. The other thing I did early on was write to them by recorded delivery to say they could only contact me in writing as they kept calling me at weird times and threatening me with a default decision if I didn’t speak with them on the phone there and then. So getting them to write to you slows them down a lot and cuts the attitude.

    I definitely wouldn’t stop working I’d start fighting them as they are a real bunch of scum bag bully’s and I would get the NACSA involved and ask them to act on your behalf if it’s getting you down this much and they will review your case with you and speak with you as a normal human being.

  • jay. says:

    If you denied parentage as soon as the csa made contact with you, and the pwc refuses a DNA test then csa case should have closed.

    I would write a letter of complaint on this asap, and see your mp. Send everything recorded, never speak with csa on the phone.

    Csa are never on anyone’s side, they are there solely to collect money, regardless of any circumstances.

    Good luck.

  • Carol says:

    If you are disputing paternity then the case should be halted. They cannot assess until this is sorted out.

    CSA are a disaster to deal with. As Jay says start your complaint right away. Tell CSA you doubt paternity and want DNA tests done immediately. If you are the bioligical father you will have to pay once this has been done. Best to keep everything in writing with them that way you can easily prove anything.

  • kerry bale says:

    my husband and i are currently in the process of fighting the csa and have been for the last 6 years and havent been getting anywhere with them they are useless my husband said that he was concerned that 2 of the 3 children may not have been his and that we wanted a dna test on them and they stopped the case whilst his ex decided what she was going to do , she has since decided she doesnt want to have the children dna tested so my husband has been told that he must pay for all 3 of the children and they have now told him he is in excess of 20k in arrears so on top of the usual payment every week we are paying arrears on top of it and most weeks this leaves us unable to pay our mortgage let alone feed ourselves and my 3 children who live with us when we told them that they are going to reposseses our home as we are unable to keep up re-payments with the amount they are taking they informed us that they dont care his children are more inportant than mine as in there words he left his (she left him not the other way around )we are at present going through every pay slip and awaiting his work place to redo 18 spares for us so that we can hand everything over to our local mp (who the csa hate as he doesnt agree with them and has a fantastic rate on solving cases and sorting everything so we are hoping that before we lose our home he can sort stuff out for us ) as they are saying that since 2009 we have only paid them 10,677.08 but on the payslips i have here (minus the 18 im waiting for ) i have worked it out that we have paid nealy 22,000 and they are saying we are wrong well payslips dont lie if everyone keeps on at them and everyone goes to there local mp we can and we will bring the csa down

  • karl says:

    Go get a lawyer on your case. Pay nothing force it into court and your lawyer will demand you get a DNA test. Your lawyer will sort out your legal aid claim and you do have a case because its illegal for them to take your money when they don’t have proof your the father… Don’t wear their bullshit tell your lawyer everything and take it from there don’t be a victim 😉

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