Ex pays nothing for our child

April 6, 2012

I have a 15 yr old my ex husband does not pay ANYTHING, never has and I doubt he ever will the CSA mixed up the case and typed a ‘closed’ date the year before she was born….. Bigger picture? I have brought up my daughter myself I work own my own home, don’t drip on about expecting money from a n absent parent as I am just as responsible!!! The CSA have messed up the best they can suggest, re-start the claim.. whats the point? He has a new family why should I make them suffer? As I said I for I am just as responsible for my daughter its his loss that he is missing out on her life!!

My husband has 4 teenagers from his first marriage, since the moment their marriage broke down he has paid maintenance, initially standing order payments direct to his ex wife plus continuing to pay the mortgage for 1 year whilst the CSA set up the case, this apparently wasn’t good enough for her she wanted more so the CSA were appointed, initial assessment set up, again this wasn’t acceptable to her as this was less than she had been getting… bring on a re-assessment this time it included her new born child that wasn’t his!!! (We’re still fighting that child is NOT his..!!) So… now she somehow gets the payments backdated by saying she never had a direct payment even though we can prove it via back statements but hey the CSA don’t listen to us or the proof! This continues for another 3 years, us continuing to pay, us continually providing copies of bank statements that show that we’ve never missed a payment yet the debt mounts in one week we received 6 different assessment amounts. We call the CSA repeatedly no matter how many people or departments no one can help or answer our questions, apparently we can’t even find out about changes on his account because we’re not the parent with care..wtf?!???

Speed forward another 5 years, we’ve never missed a payment (I have even made his payment if he’s had a short week) yet, he now has an attachment to earnings as they say we’ve never paid..

Again we prove ALL payments but to no avail, the detachment to earnings goes ahead, after 6 weeks we then receive paperwork in the post saying they are taking him to Court with a Liability Order again we prove we haven’t missed a payment, not one person can answer the reason why this is happening….So 8 years later and not ONE missed payment and proof of all of this, they say he owes £27k for not making payments, the ‘ex’ continues to say we live beyond our means!! SO now he’s due in court for his liability order his hourly pay works out at £2.65 per hour, because his CSA HUGE PAYMENT which is incorrect comes before our mortgage we’ve now going to loose our house, I continue to work and try to provide some kind of normality for my daughter whilst explaining I can’t afford to pay for her prom dress brand new can she have a 2nd have one?? I can’t afford to pay for her holiday with her mates, why? Because his ex wife comes first before anything… I have no choice but to try and balance on a knife edge to hope that I can keep my husband from killig himself, to hope I can have a family life, all because someone thinks they deserve more money for free- that child never cost that much when you we’re helping to bring them up!

So next time any of you want to complain about whats fair, re-read my story, I’ve seen and felt both sides as a parent with care but not getting a penny and married to a parent without care who has been screwed into the ground.



  • Carol says:

    I am so sorry you are going through this. Like yourself I have been on both sides of the CSA and the side living with the NRP and being crucified financially on a monthly basis is SOOOOOOOOOOO hard. The CSA don’t listen and don’t care. Imagine any Agency telling you that maintenance is a priority over your debts etc. That is disgusting!

    We are in a similar position to you by fightin arrears. CSA allege £39,000, now down to £31,000 but really should be about £8,000! We had to obtain a copy of our file (not sure if this is something you have done yet) for a cost of £10 from the DPU Unit. It showed that they kept my partner on assessments when he was unemployed etc. It also shows numerous errors by the CSA. Our MP is also involved which was helped as the complaint is fast tracked through and they also appoint one person to deal with it, so I only have one person to scream down the phone at now!

    Re child not your husband’s has a DNA test been done? Someone was on here the other day in the exact same position and although the guy can prove he is not the father the idiots in this Agency are still taking money.

    This Agency should be ashamed of what they do to 2nd families because they are forcing people into poverty and most of the time they are not even correct

  • Pamela says:

    I’m sorry I find your post a bit insulting to be honest, on one hand you are fighting for your husband and his CSA problem and then allowing your daughter’s father to get away without supporting his daughter and you even comment about not being able to get her a prom dress, make your mind up 🙁

  • Pamela I absolutely agree with you Jodie has commented on my story and I found it very insulting. Yes its unfair on her husband being absolutely slated by the CSA

    BUT what about the ones who won,t pay THEY NEED TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY and be held accountable. JODIE stop slating the mothers who have taken full responsibility like myself and start with the fathers who have NOT please.

    Your contradicting yourself and need to think about what you are writing because you are offending the mother,s who HAVE TAKEN FULL RESPONSIBILITY

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