Ex pays me £550 per month; it is not enough

January 7, 2012

I would like to know what can I do in my case. Basically I divorced my ex husband on Dec 2010, I moved out on the 15th May 2010 and since then , we have been disscusing about the childcare support for my 3 years old daughter. My ex husband is a self employee and earns around 100.000 pounds a year with a 50% profits.

We is giving us 550 pounds a month and my daughters never stays in his house. Every month I have to call him to ask for the chidcare support and he keeps black mailing me all the time with this money. Sexual harrasment is constantly when he comes to my house “to see his daughteer” and he is constantly telling me he is going to cut down the maintenance.

Emotionally I would like to don’t have have more contact with him to claim the childacre support and also I believe the amount he is giving us is to small in comparison with all the responsabilities I have as a single mum. I am paying nursery, bills, clothes, toys, entertainment, food, transport and all my daughter needs and he is giving only the half fees of the nursery (550 pounds) and fighting every month to received it.

How can I use CSA to arrange the right monthly payment through standing orders or through them? How they calculate the right amount. He also don’t declare all his taxes as a self employee.

I can’t afford to pay a lawyer even if i work full time. Every month I am in overdraft paying bills , rent, etc

Kind Regards



  • martin dell says:

    get a bloody job and pay 50 percent of the childmaintance your self for a bloody start
    welcome to the real world
    if you get the csa involed you only cause urself and evryone and ur children more damage then good

    why cant the children stay with him have you refused to let them

  • sarah Briers says:

    If u wanted so much maybe u should have stayed married to him. You cant have it all I have to work to live as my husbands wages get robbed by the csa so we can pay for ex s benifits, they r no better off & we cant give kids anything they nearly broke us in more ways than just financially

  • P says:

    Hi Martin:

    As my previous comment, I work full time and I pay the 50% of the childcare for myself. In addition to clothes, entertainment, food, everything else. I rent as private tenant my house and pay my taxes every month. I don’t live out of goverment as many single mums does. I take all the responsabilities towards my daughter and still ahve to deal with someone who is offending me verbally all the time.

    I never refuse him to see her, I been trying him to be in touch with his daughter and he is the one who is refusing.

    Thank you for your comment

    Have a lovely day

  • Jamie cornford says:

    To be honest i pay £685 month through the csa for three children and i earn a lot less than your ex husband. Normally it works out at about £31 a week for one child i dont like to say this but you are probally better off keeping your mouth shut and taking the £500 a month if you cannot afford a lawyer then i suggest you go down the legal aid way. If there is sexual harrasment you need to get the police involved

  • P says:

    Hi Jamie thank you for your answer. To be honest I prefer even less money but avoid the matter of having contact with him to get the child maintenance. I been using the CSa calculator and shows as he needs to provide even more accoring with him income and the fact that our daughter is never staying at his house. But I really would like to avoid this monthly contact with him and get the child maintenance calculated by law even if it is less, but still need it as a single mum.

    Thanks for your advice, appreciate it

  • nell says:

    500 odd pounds for 1 child.wow nd ur moanin,thats a flippin good amount.what exactly do you expet him to pay.?

  • sean says:

    Hello, I can see your struggling with the drop in your standard of living. Me 2 :'(
    My Ex is a nightmair she hates me and has just gon to the CSA to hurt my income. In your case I advise you avoid the CSA! The deal is they’ll screw you just as much him! Firstly they can only take upto £2k into consideration anyway because their system cannot work with bigger figures and the rate is 15% for one child so you can see you would have to go to court for anything extra. So at £500 max your already better off. PS should you clame beniffits its deducted £1 for £1 after the first £10 any way so working is better. I think you’ll like the support of having a break too, 8hrs to ignore home issues helps me alot.


  • kevevo says:

    Im sorry love, but £550 per month is a lot of anyones money. the amount you claim off the government is enough to live on, thats just pure profit. get in the real world girl. i pay £250 pm for two kids, and only earn £850 pm, that leaves me with £600. my rent is £450,council tax £80,water,gas,lecky £100.food £100,phone,internet £50.debts £100pm…well….you work it out……. think youve been spoilt in the past. thats probably why he left ya love !!!!!!!!!!

  • joanne says:

    I have two children and get nothing, sorry to say this but count your blessings, there’s a lot of pwcs who get nothing and that’s going through the csa.

  • terry norris says:

    you cheeky mare…£550 a month…you got some front moaning on here when you get such a huge amount…have some self respect woman and go out and earn the money yourself instead of expecting the ex the fund you….its typical of woman like you who just see the ex’s as money machines and the kids as money cows.
    shame on you.

  • terry norris says:

    all I can say is if you do go through the these dogs called the csa ? It will back fire on you and you may end up getting far far less.
    remember this HE IS SELF EMPLOYED do you understand what that means ???
    he can tell the csa whatever he likes regarding his income unlike me who is employed by a company and they have to submit me true income.
    the csa can do f**k all to him if he declares an income that will be far far less than what you claim he earns….I tell you this…the csa have no mercy or respect for NRP’S and thats why us fathers have no respect for them or the mothers that constantly screw ex’s for more more more,leaving some fathers with nothing to live on and then where does that help him with any future seeing his kids.
    some fathers have no choice but to give up work as its the only way to stop these robbers taking so much of there income.

  • Mick says:

    £550 a month is a huge amount of maintenance per month when you compare it to the amount paid for 1 month of job seekers allowance for a full grown adult. You dont state wether or not you are actually in any kind of employment or not. Your ex shouldnt be sexually harrassing you when he comes to see his child. that is wrong. The simple answer there is to either ensure someone is there when he comes to see his child to ensure his behaviour. Or failing that, stop him from coming to your house and either meet him somewhere public or get third party involvement via a contact centre. By all means take him to the CSA if you just want guaranteed maintenance without the unwanted attention. just dont be suprised if you end up with less than you are getting now. As you have already stated, your ex is self employed. People on the kind of income your ex is earning via self employment can usually afford to hire clever accountants who for a fee could probably make your ex seem like a pauper to the CSA after they have finished cooking his books for him. It does come across to others reading your story that you are being a bit greedy expecting even more from your ex then what hes already giving you. Do what ever you see fit ok. If you get more via the CSA, good for you. If it works out a lot less, you only have yourself to blame then dont you. No offence meant. At least then what ever you do end up with wont be conditional on sexual harrassment.

  • chall says:

    Hi priscilla,

    I echo the above post (Mick on January 11th, 2012 12:37 am) and you obviously have to make your own decisions…

    ..but, if you have not done so already, search the Internet and read others peoples experiences and frustrations relating to a S/E NRP and the CSA.

    Would it be possible for your ex to pay child support directly into you bank account by direct debt or standing order?

    chall ~ afairercsaforall

  • Brendan says:

    wow! precilla all i can say is you make me sick! 500 pm? and you want more???? My girlfriend hasnt received a penny from her sons father! her case has been with csa for over ten years. hes self employed has a coach company and owns about 20 houses which he lets out. he ignores the letterd csa senf and ignores their calls! get in the real world you money grabbing greedy sod! sheesh….some people eh?

  • Mark says:

    Hi Priscilla

    Sorry that you feel £500 a month isn’t enough, but please please please DO NOT go to the CSA about it.

    My partner’s ex-husband packed his job in and went “self employed”, told the CSA he wasn’t making any profit and was assessed to pay her £5 a week for their two children!

    Keep talking to your ex, keep up the contact with your daughter, and pray to whatever God you believe in that he doesn’t decide he’s had enough of paying you. Because if he does, you haven’t a hope in hell of getting anything through the CSA.

    Sorry, but that’s the way it is.

    (and I work fulltime and am required to hand over between 20% and 25% of my take-home pay to my ex-wife. If I don’t, or I fall behind with my payments, they are legally entitled to go direct to my employers and can take up to 40% of my net pay each month to clear the backlog).

  • Joanna says:

    Selfish. I have to support my daughter on less than half of that with a father who wants nothing to do with her. How selfish you would deny him access just to get more money that is disgusting. What sort of mother are you when you don’t put your child’s needs before you own. Shame on you.

  • Craig says:

    OMG – what a nasty piece of work you are using the child as a cash cow, the money what you are receiving is a hell of a lot. You are incredibly greedy, allow the CSA to get involved and you will regret it, they will cause far more damage than good. Tou should hang your head in shame – I hope your ex see’s this post and he has the sense to do a screen shot so he can save it to show your child when she is an adult so she can see what a greedy callous wretch you are.

  • Andy says:

    Clearly you hate your ex-husband more than you love your daughter.

  • Claire says:

    I get less than half that for my two kids. They’re teenagers now and the money my ex gives me is barely enough to cover their food costs. I’m sure he must have had pay rises in the 11 years since we split, but I ask for more money in case I end up losing some of what he already pays. I work and pay for all their school expenses, hobbies, clothing. Getting the amount you receive per month would be a huge help.

  • Mojo says:

    £550 is plenty enough for a child remember it’s for your child not to support you.

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