Ex has her own business that I’m helping to fund via CSA
Working for your children…..
Having not had any contact with my child for over a decade, i was very pleased to find my ex wife has signed onto “Facebook” and had made the common error of setting her account security to it’s lowest.. It was nice to see that she was doing fine.. Back from her forth holiday this year.. new iphone 4 ….and going out shopping for some new fittings for her new hair salon in Leeds.
I had been looking for my child for sometime and did believe that tales of her moving to another country and stayed, were true. It did puzzle me that 18 months ago the CSA had within 4 days sent me a letter of arrears payments, a DEO to my work and increased an initial calculation of the amount owing to £17,000 from £2,500…
I phoned the salon, you know “touch base” see seemed suprised to hear from me even asked me what I wanted. “Do you think I might talk to you about this CSA claim” I said. After a few moments a male voice comes to the phone, the new husband. After an exchange of hellos and the like, he told me he was in the same position as me and owed his ex-wife £17.000 in CSA arrears. Never got to speak to my son though…..Why does a does a 15 year old boy need £150 a week. ?
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Hmmmmmmm! critisisms of others spellings and grammar appears to have inconsistency where as comment made by a certain individual as follows… copied and pasted for confirmation of my response following extract from a posted comment made by someone who may thing I'm being derogatory in some form……"This is because I done well in education"… this post was towards Trevor evidently!!!!!I do believe however this comment should be (This is because I DID well)…!!!! Please!!! prior to engaging in any critisism, be of no fault in your grammar or spelling also… so how well DID you do with your education…Clearly!!!!!!!!!! of cause with sarcasm!!!! what else would you expect of me….lolDoes anyone see my point here?????Well said….. this I compliment to Lorraine and Mandi!!!!!! Maybe now she sees the womans point of view and by my understanding you are both the NRPP's…..I'v been trying to get this comment into her head…. about the greedy selfish arrogant PWC's….. and their attempt to point score causing NRP and NRPP's plus NRP and NRPP's children to suffer financially especially with the issues involving WFTC and child benefits….
As you may see in some comments made in post by sarah-jayne pettimore to myself, she would like to believe that I'm attacking all PWC's….. however! I always refer to a certain select few who think more of the money than the child!!!!! and that's my beef!!!!! The fact that the reality is that there are PWC's intent on causing financial suffering to their NRP's new extended family unit!!!! That's wrong and also immoral…
and I also agree that a roof over head and electric gas water should not be taken into consideration as you would still need to put out without children in the equation, the most important issue for CSA donations is for clothing and footwear, the rest is easily covered in your basic income or learn to budget as effectively who are not as well off!!!Poverty is only created by the spender!!!! If ou have more than the government says you need to live on and therefore more than those on benefits… how is it that those on benefits can afford to live above the poverty line yet as boasted pettimore on a well paid job finds it hard to budget without the tax free additional income that other people do not have the privelege of????
I agree that a mortgage/rent, council tax, water rates and home insurances shouldn't be applicable because regardless of if, or how many, children lived with you they would still be the same. But gas and electric?? And more importantly food??? My kids are constantly on their laptops or game stations when they are in the house, tv and music is on far more than when I'm home alone and my daughter baths at least twice a day. The heating and hot water has to be on more often because, whilst its ok for me to sit in the cold, I wouldnt allow my children to. Then there's the washing, drying and ironing to take into consideration. All of these things would be far less and gas/electricity costs a lot lower if I was on my own. As for food, it costs £8.50 per week per child for school lunches and my weekly shop is at least £150 a week, this is not because we eat like kings but merely because the cost of living has increased so much over the last few years. These are not extravagant 'wants' but the needs of any normal child these days.No PWC should expect full assistance with these costs, but NRPS must also accept that children do not flourish on love alone and these costs are very real and should be taken into consideration. Poverty is not always created by the spender, there are some people that live above their means or have addcitions and habits that cause them to have a low standard of living but proverty is also created by minimum wage jobs, phenomenal increases in fuel costs, and ever increasing food prices, NRPS that DO NOT contribute to the upkeep of their child also have to take responsibility for causing financial difficulties.As for what the government says we need to live on (i.e.benefits) everyone knows that this is a ridiculous and unrealistic calculation. And then fact of the matter is very few people on benefits can AFFORD to live, they have a roof over their head thanks to community housing and housing benefit and their utilities are more often than not budgeted for by token meters etc. Most of them are in debt with catalogues, loan sharks and buy monthly agencies. But ultimately this a life they CHOOSE to live.PWCS that get of their arses and get well paid jobs do not have the luxury of the benefits and tax credits that those on lower incomes have to bump up their weekly wage. They also have to juggle those well paid jobs with child care issues and costs and with regards to the 'additional tax free income' this is merely a contribution to the actual cost of raising a child by the NRP, and if that payment is made by way of private arrangement or via the CSA, it is still there and available to all PWCs regardless of their employment status or annual income, quite frankly I do not see it as a privelage that both myself and my ex could not sort our differences and have denied our children the stability of joint parenting, I see it as a complete failure on our part!NRPs have mortgage/rent, utilities, food and clothing costs for themselves they also have PROTECTED income of 60% of their net income. If you have a child/children from another relationship you get a further 15/25% allowance before maintenance is calculated so all of the NRPS living expenses have been taken into account and allowed for using the same government benefit calculations as mentioned above yet quite often they complain about the 15/25% calculation made.So taking this into consideration, if a NRP has more than the government says you need to live on and therefore more than those on benefits… how is it that they still claim not to be able to make an acceptable contribution to they upkeep of their child??None of my income is protected and I would never say to my children 'I'm keeping 60% of my wages to enable me to live my life, and if I CHOOSE to have another child with my new partner I'll keep another 15% to support that child and you can have whats left for food, clothes and general living' yet many NRPS feel thats a perfectly acceptable stance for them to take and then theres those that refuse to pay at all!!!
I don't know how those figures have been worked out, Charmaine..my husband certainly wasn't given 15% off his calculation when we had our daughter, nor 25% when we had our second daughter. We were given all our mortgage cost, but only because we had children. If we didn't have children he would have been given housing benefit rate for one person..that's great for contact with his first daughter (not!).I just found it rather disturbing that I had to work in order to clothe & feed my children, yet his ex wife didn't..
Allan, yes I am a NRPP and a PWC..although my ex husband and I have never used to CSA, thankfully. We were both more interested in what was best for our child..and the CSA will never be best for any child…
Charmaine, the only thing I would say about not including rent/mortgage and water rates in monthly outgoings is because if for example you have one child, you need a 2 bed place to live. If You have no children you can live in a one bed, or studio flat, shared accomm – so housing costs do go up having children. The council tax – fair enough, got to be paid anyway. With water, I am on a meter (standard practice I believe these days?) and you would be surprised how much the bill comes to having someone else around – having baths/showers, leaving tap on when brushing teeth despite me saying until I am blue in the face not to, the additional washing (which as you pointed out costs electric) but it also costs water. I think you have made some excellent points in your post above and on the whole agree with you.
TV licence is something you have without children… honestly… TV licence to be paid for by NRP???? ridiculous!!!!
I myself happily provide clothing and footwear… easier when its sat in my bank rather than my PWC's account!!!!!
some women cannot budget & certainly depend upon regular maintenance to help finance their living costs. Why should any ex pay for rent/mortgage, gas/electric?? If you have 3 children or more water rates can be capped. I have never depended on maintenance from my ex, & why should I ask him for more just so they can play on the xbox or watch tv a bit longer, that's a PRIVILEGE in my house not a necessity that their dad pays for, because when they stay with him I'm sure his electric & gas would be more due to playing on the laptop & xbox there!!! My maintenance pays for their hobbies, school trips, clothes, shoes (my god do they go through them), parties & a little towards food. My partner & I choose to live in a big enough house & we pay all the bills, so why should we pay towards someone else's bills or expect my ex to pay towards ours?!?!?!? Some people have the most ridiculous way of thinkin & it certainly doesn't seem to be about their children
Totally agree with you Angela, that is also my way of thinking 🙂