Ex gets CSA money and benefits

February 22, 2011

My ex wont let me see my daughter cause due to work and financial situations i have offered to have her once a month for a weekend and during school holidays for a week, this saves fuel as she lives 57 miles away from me. I have moved into a house with my fiancee so i have a spare room for my daughter and she still wont let me see her. she says thats not good enough but she dumps my daughter on her younger sister to go out clubbing and getting smashed on my CSA money, she is also on benefits cause she laughs at me paying her.

This government need to start helping fathers without spending thousands in the courts and start giving “equal” rights to both. Women complained when blokes had the best jobs etc and they got equal rights for this so its about time the justice system swung for fathers.


8 Responses to “Ex gets CSA money and benefits”

  1. gambit on February 23rd, 2011 10:32 am

    To be honest, I think she has a point, one weekend a month isn’t the best way to build a relationship with your daughter, could you even make it 2 weekend’s a month? Is it possible to move closer to make contact easier?

    In regards to her ‘dumping’ your daughter on her sister so she can go clubbing, I hate to state the obvious, but she is entitled to a life away from being Mum too. Of course I don’t know the full story here, so am not judging either of you, just stating what I take from your statement.

    You don’t say how old your daughter is, is she at school? Is your ex able to go to work but won’t? If she’s on certain benefits, she won’t be getting all the maintenance you give her, some of it will be going back to the government so that’s something else you should maybe ask her about.

    I also hate the way some NRP’s say, she’s spending my CSA money, actually no, I got this from my ex all the time in the whole coupld of month’s he actually paid maintenance! The money you provide as maintenance, goes towards helping put a roof over your daughters head, food on the table, and clothes on her back, if your ex has money left over at the end of the week and chooses to go out then that is entirely her business, and so she should, do you expect her to stay at home all the time? Do you go out? If you take the stance that your ex should not go out, it could be argued that you shouldn’t go out at all, but save your money to go and see your daughter more often. Double standards don’t wash I’m afraid.

  2. anon on February 23rd, 2011 10:46 am

    To Gambit

    As usual someone backs the ‘mother’ up, she is 4 years old so goes to school and my ex is to lazy to work, she wont even attempt to apply for a job. I work 40-45 hours per week and after tax, csa and insurance i take home 196 pounds. I also have to pay rent, council tax, bills etc and it works out that i have 70 pound a month. thats used to fuel my car and buy food. It takes 40 pounds to get there and back and tbh why should my daughters grandparents suffer by me moving closer meaning they cant see her either. I even took out a 6000 pound loan so she could come live with me but then months later she broke it off and moved back her parents and now im paying 195 pounds a month off for the next 3 years for that. Her sister has done the same thing to her ex and he lives minutes away from his kids. They are happy to sit there and just take as much money as they can from anywhere. In answer to your question my weekends consist of sitting at home watching tv as i cant afford to go out and socialise. sometimes i cant even go visit my parents as i have to watch my fuel so i can get to work and earn a wage. Theres having a life and going out most weekends what she does, and i pay my csa every week without fail cause it comes out of my wages. Are you a stay at home mum or a worker? fair play if you work cause at least you are doing summert, and your ex dont deserve to see his child if he only pays maintenance here and there. but people like myself who pays every week and is desperate to see his child are getting judged by people like yourself. I wish i could afford it but i just cant with this crap recession.

  3. gambit on February 28th, 2011 4:28 pm

    As I said, I wasn’t judging either of you, just stating what I took from your story. Fair play to you for supporting your daughter, but if she’s on benefit’s, I’m pretty sure she won’t be getting all the money you pay, may be wrong, but that’s what I’ve heard from other’s in that position. Stupid question, but have you questioned how much your paying to the CSA? Knowing more about your situation, I would see a lawyer regarding contact, maybe suggest the one weekend a month, plus a week at Easter or Winter break and a week in summer if you can? Court’s are very much for a child having both parent’s in there lives, and trust me, they will come down hard on her if she’s messing your daughter about by not allowing you contact at all, when you have clearly made sure you have a room for her to sleep in.

    As for myself, yes I work, with the same company I was with while pregnant with my 1st child, and have done 3 days a week, since after maternity, and now they’re a bit older I’m also studying highers part time, and hope to go onto a degree in education within the next couple of years (if I pass!), so believe me, I don’t believe in staying at home dossing about when your kids are old enough for school, as I said, I’m not backing the mother up here, just taking what I seen in your statement, there are as much money grabbing Mum’s out there as there are CSA dodging Dad’s, of that I’m well aware of, some mother’s take the absolute p*** some of my friends included, and I’m not slow in telling them so!

    My ex pays no maintenance at all, has dodged the CSA for almost 5 years, and while that gets to me a bit, and yes I think he has a responsibility to help pay for their upbrining, their school shoes, trips, etc, I don’t think he ever will, much to his delight, what little he’s been pinned down to pay is in a bank account for them both when they’re 18, as I knew I could never rely on it, I put it away, I think it equates to about £400 each, but according to him I’ve spent it on nights out!!! So sorry for pinning that one on you, personal experience got the better of me.

    I sincerely hope you get this sorted out, you seem like you genuinely want what’s best for your daughter, and again, I wasn’t judging, even though it seems that’s how it came across, at least you are showing responsibility, if you have your daughter overnight your CSA payments should come down, I’m assuming your ex knows this, hence refusing contact, which is just ridiculous!

  4. Anon on March 1st, 2011 10:12 am

    Hi, well i would like to say that you are a great example that mothers can live a normal life and still ensure there children are well looked after. big respect for you. She does know the ins and outs and thats why she is doing it. This weekend i rang up to speak to my daughter and my ex says oh im just going out, i asked if i could have 5 mins word with her and she said oh she is round my sisters, she is staying there tonight. Thats what gets on my nerves about these. I wish i could put my CSA into a trust fund so she can have it at 18, we already have a bank account for her my mum set up but im struggling to find a bit extra to add to it 🙁

    I cant get any help with court costs so i dont take the risk of losing anymore money . Your ex sounds like a right dodger, does he work? i have to make sure my daughter has money as it would haunt me forever knowing she aint. He should take his duty as a father seriously.

    Anyway sorry for going off the handle in my last post as i get it all the time saying i dont do enough but some people dont realise what it is like cause they have happy family relationships.

    Good luck in your future degrees and a great life for you and your kids

  5. gambit on March 1st, 2011 3:18 pm

    Thanks, maybe we should introduce our ex’s, think they’d be a match made in heaven!

    Can you maybe give your daughter a mobile so you can call her and keep contact open that way? As for the trust fund, if I were you I’d worry about that later, sounds like you have enough on your plate, I put a pound a week into a credit union account each for my kids, it soon builds up, and if I get a better job, or maintenance money haha! I’ll increase it. Maybe you could do something like that for her?

    Yeah he works, he quits job’s every 4 months so the CSA can’t pin him down, I get maintenance now and again when he overlaps for a week or two, but he worked cash in hand for a while, and now sponges off his new partner while he ‘looks for a job’ but I know he’s taxi’ing, so very hard to pin him down for any maintenance now. The CSA seem to only go after NRP’s like yourself who do actually pay!

    No problem, I can see why you did, your right, people don’t realise how stressful it can be!

    Thank you, and same to yourself and your family, hope you get everything resolved.

  6. anon on March 1st, 2011 3:36 pm

    haha, yeah it sounds like they both, i will do that u suggested so i can build some money up for my daughter. She only young so i dont think she could work a mobile yet lol, your ex just sounds like a user who is money mad. his new partner is mad to stand for it. sounds like you had a lucky escape really.

    To everyone else who reads these, not all fathers are people who want to be a part time dad and not pay money and not all mothers are greedy people just after the money as the person above me who works and looks after her kids.

    But there are a lot of fathers who should hang there head in shame and be prepared to pay for there kids cause they dont complain about the ‘fun’ in creating them but complain about paying for there upkeep.

    And to the mothers out there who receive the money should also realise we are in a recession and cut a bit of slack to fathers who want to see there kids but cant afford to travel etc. (genuine reasons for not seeing there kids, not to go out and get drunk)

    Maybe if the government helped out people like myself who pay there money each week with a bit of extra help financially who wants there kids and punish those who claim benefits and pay nothing to there kids then this world will be a much easier place to live.

  7. anon on March 1st, 2011 3:39 pm

    can u please delete my name off the top of this post as i dont want certain people seeing it?


  8. Gemma on December 22nd, 2011 12:52 pm

    hi I would like to say that csa is completely for woman. Fathers have no chance when it comes to csa. The majority of woman claiming csa are on benefits ( fact) which is meant to be a joint responsiblility, so why then does that father always pay a huge amount more. My partner and I had his little one everyother day everyother weekend more than 50% of the time, yet still had to pay £120 maintenence??!!! then she decided to move 150miles away and he was absolutley devastated to make matters worse csa then turned around and upped his payments, so a mother can take her child away from a good dad and get more money!? not only this put his x is on benefits and in total with csa from her other kids get the same amount of money as we bring in. its a completely bias site and hopefully fathers for judice will do something about it soon. I have a friend that is on benefits and has 3 kids. She never asks for csa because she said it takes two to make a baby if they want to give me money they can spend it on the children instead. This I think is a perfect example of a single mum taking responsibility for there chrildren.

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