Ex demands more money or she will contact the CSA

September 19, 2010

Hello. I wondered if you could provide me with some advice. I seperated from my Girlfriend in 2003. I have had my children from Fridays until Sundays without fail for the last 7 years. I have provided clothes, shoes, holiday payments, swimming, dance and sports lessons and much more. However my youngest daughter has now turned 7 and my ex is stating that varoius goverment payments have stopped for age related reasons.

My ex recently asked for weekly cash payments otherwise she will inform the CSA. I have given money before that only buys acholhol, gigarettes and pays her debts, it does not go to my children. I offered her the option of weekly shopping bought by the children, she refused, I have offered to visit a solictor for shared custody and a private agreement, she refused. She has now as good as stopped commucation between myself and my children.

I am beginning to cave in and consider handing over cash just to keep the peace and to see my children.

Any advice would be helpful. Thank you. Stuart.

Comments

  • Brokenfather says:

    Are you saying the mother is denying you any contact with your children if you do not pay what she demands?

  • Lee Hughes says:

    Cases like that really piss me off! She should be prosecuted for blackmail/extortion or such like!

  • Allan Morrell says:

    You could report her for blackmail/extortion or go direct to CSA to set up an account as a compliant NRP but she can only obtain CSA payments from the moment she claims for it, however! CSA may calculate at a lower amount than you are already providing, also obtain DNA proof that the children are yours for sure…. DNA proof will support yor case in either way!They will deduct £5 off first £100 and 30% off excess £100 payments above your 1st £100, inform CSA she has recieved monies from you, and if she is on benefits, she has not declared any monies which becomes a case of Fraud, you'd be wise to protect yourself against any demands, pay till you sort your legal issue then cut payments, if she runs to CSA, you already have the advantage were CSA have already been informed.. Use the law to your advantage to protect your childrens welfare!!! If your ex is prosecuted, thats her problem!!! Ya kids cum 1st not your ex's indulgence at your expense. Explain your ex's demands to CSA, they can only demand payments from the moment a claim is set up, simple so put relevant amounts into an account just in case they take time to set up before they ask for arrears, were all arrears are built up, you can supply with immediate effect… Protect yourself 1st, set up the claim yaself, that way u wont find yaself providing mandatory arrears on top of private financial arrangements, start claim up and stop providing by private arrangement, inform them you have private arrangements but that your ex is causing problems and that you just wish to do the right thing by your children.

  • Troy Love says:

    Use the CSA calculator you do not have to sign up or anything but it's a good guide. https://secureonline.dwp.gov.uk/csa/v2/en/calculate-maintenance.asp

  • Garry Clarkson says:

    Don't engage. The CSA is a business whose ostensible aim is to make a profit for its chief executive. it has NOTHING to do with supporting the child. Why do we need the state to support our Children?. Stick to your guns and join the growing number of real fathers who are refusing to pay for what is in reality fascism. Send them a couple of George Orwell books and wish them well. Remember its a private business so if you put 'no contract return to sender' on the envelope then invoice the mother for your share of the time with your children. Simpless ch ch….

  • Lee Hughes says:

    Allan, THERE IS A COMPLETE DISREGARD OF MAINTENANCE FOR THOSE ON BENEFITS! As of last April, they keep ALL the maintenance without deduction. http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/Expectingorbringingupchildren/DG_10018808Extract from the above…..How maintenance affects benefitsSince 12 April 2010, you can keep all of the maintenance that you are paid without it affecting your benefit entitlement. However, you must continue to tell Jobcentre Plus about any maintenance payments you get.Find out more about maintenance and benefits on the Child Maintenance Options website.http://www.cmoptions.org/en/maintenance/prepare.asp

  • Susan Ward says:

    DO NOT PAY HER ANYTHING. My husband did exactly what u r doing and SHE STILL went to the csa. Things may have changed but the csa did not and still will not take into accont the monies you have given her. My husband paid his ex girlfriend in the hand, paid the bills in the former home and any extra overtime plus loans they had.All this so his ex could go out 3 or 4 times a week and a holiday.She will use your children as weapons, Be strong and fight your corner at the end of the day Your concern is for your children and their Wellbeing Not your EXE's.

  • Allan Morrell says:

    Thanx for the link Lee, I guess I was still workin from the old rules in my comments lol

  • graeme says:

    Stuart

    Never cave in to her demands. You are doing everything you need to do as a father. I hope you are keeping a paper trail of the payments you have made to her.

    Graeme

  • stuart says:

    No paper trail!
    Yes ex is limiting contact, boy loses football lessons because of this.

    UPDATED INFO:
    Everything with the ex partner has been fine since 2005 until now 2010 when my youngest turned 7. The benefits system changed that stated mothers must seek work or lose benefits. My ex made me aware of these changes and asked for £50 a week otherwise she will inform CSA.
    Today, October 1st 2010 I received a solicitors letter quoting
    ‘our client would consider withdrawing her application to the CSA’
    Request verbally and by letter.
    Is this a type of blackmail?

    Included in this letter is a request for me to park my vehicle 1/4 of a mile away from my children’s house when I collect them.
    Is this legal normal behavior?

    The ex is work shy. I have offered to take the children at anytime to fit in with any job she gets. She refuses.

    The letter also states violence back in 2005, this is untrue.

    I keep all correspondence away from my children , however the ex does use our 14 year old as a messenger which I wrote and asked her to stop doing.

    Any guidance would be helpful.
    Thanks. Stuart.

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