Ex complains about paying CSA but doesn’t want to see his kids

October 25, 2010

My kids dads are better off to my kids dead! I have given them all the leniancy in the world, told them they can see the kids whenever they wish and ask them for nothing more than the measly amount CSA say they need to pay to buy the kids the things they need. Well no more begging, no more asking – they have lost 3 wonderful kids and I am luckily in a position to pay for my own kids without the support from the government.

However despite my ex robbing me of all my belongings and my kids, and money from my bank and the police being unable to so much as follow this up even though there were kids involved.

He writes on here all the time how hard done by he is by the CSA yet makes no effort to contact them to pay for his son.

Dads see this as a burden on them that they should be made to pay for their offspring, like us mums are running of living the high life on it! I wish!!

Kids cost a fortune! I didnt have them for the social money, I had them because I loved the people I was with and wanted by mutual consent children with them.

I not only have to look after 3 children full time, I also work full time and being self employed I can do over 100 hours a week. I also have to keep my house clean, and ensure my kids are fed and they have clean and ironed clothes to wear.

Then today – because my children have been late to school on occasion been told I am being prosecuted which will mean 12 weeks in prison and a £2500 fine!!! Flaming incredible seen as how I am the one actually still here trying to ensure my children are provided for whilst both their dads live the life of luxury and no responsibilities what so ever!

I was all for a change in government and this new pact but they havent got it right again! How about putting these fathers in prison for not seeing there children and vice versa for mums that prevent the dads access too! Children need both parents yes, but sometimes there is two sides to every story and for once the mums side is coming through!

All these Dads on here that complain about the CSA problems, if they actually paid up for their kids in the first place I very much doubt any Mum would want the added stress of the CSA on their heads too!


  • Brokenfather says:

    Come on, fess up. Which poster are you stalking?

    “I am luckily in a position to pay for my own kids without the support from the government.”

    Do you not receive CB or CTC then?

    “All these Dads on here that complain about the CSA problems, if they actually paid up for their kids in the first place I very much doubt any Mum would want the added stress of the CSA on their heads too!”

    Yeah. Right …….

  • Karl Garrett says:

    I pay & still get screwed!..and none of the money gets to the kids…so whats the point.

    I know there will always be dead beats, and they deserve a good kicking, and most men on this site will agree with this. But there are also some men who do care & pay, but are getting crushed due to the imbalance of power regarding the PWC….you must see this?

    I have no doubt you work hard, nobody doubts this, but please don’t tar us all as avoiders!.

  • Michelle Gibbard says:

    well said,i totaly agree that dads should see their children but as we all know theres always 2 sides to a story,my partner had to cut contact with his child in order for sanity having an ex and playing games and also where the child was playing games too wasnt very nice,i have been called all sorts but what she wouldnt do was let go of the past there are some gr8 fathers out there who can't have contact or have no choice but to cut the contact but get penalised all the way through csa my child is 14 and even tho he has been paying csa he has never set his eyes on her,dont parents that dont care know how much this affects these children mentaly you seem to be coping well with the children which is a good thing

  • Lorraine Moore says:

    Some fathers have no choice but to go along with the CSA..even though they were already paying! if the PWC decides to instruct the CSA, they can..regardless of payment history.

  • Lorraine Moore says:

    Plus, if any private arrangement payments are not through the bank and listed as 'child maintenance' then the NRP may well have to pay everything all over again..and more!

  • Mandi McVeigh says:

    wot about wen the ex stops contact for no reason other than the fact you began a relationship, my partner n myself want access 2 his kids we want them 2 spend time with both ourselves and my kids……he was having regular overnight contact until he fell in love……sometimes the pwc doesn't do the things they do contact, csa etc to benefit the kids but more to destroy the man….i personally have never used the csa and proud to say i have brought up my 5 kids myself without a penny from their dads

  • Mandi McVeigh says:

    i've been on both sides of the fence and can seen the devestation the csa brings…..how anybody can work for this department or sleep at night is beyond me…

  • Mandi McVeigh says:

    well said michelle n agree with sometimes they need to let go of the past as anytime we have tried to contact about the kids…….she comes back with so u n her are happy etc n the playing games!!yeah we get that 2

  • Garry Roe says:

    Lorraine your so right , I showed the CSA bank statements showing I'd given the PWC over £1,400 from the day we split BUT all she told the CSA was " Thats just money Garry owes me for SOMETHING " ! ! … a W****er called Mick Hancock from the CSA said he'd updated my records to show I'd pay'd £0.00 maintenance for my daughter Ruby :-/

  • Lorraine Moore says:

    I know. It stinks to high heaven. It's amazing how many men give their ex partners so much money for nowt!!!!!

  • Martin Muddaphucker says:

    under the current system jews could be paying for thier kids bacon sarmies

  • Phil Hopkinson says:

    I have just quit my 40k per year job too go self employed, because the CSA want 20% of my net income regardless of what a financial mess my ex left me in, plus to top it all she wants me to pay for clothes ect, so she can spend the money on herself ( wine and fags )She will now get 40.00 per week and that's it, so I can give the rest to my kids if I see them again, as she has now decided I can't see them again Bitter Woman 🙁

  • Garry Clarkson says:

    dads plural? Permission to 'see' your own kids. To buy YOU the things you need. This is the problem a cultural control system. Get a job. You should be sterilized.

  • Rachel Frankie Evans says:

    the love of money is definatley the root of all evil. Poor bloody kids, who gives a shit about money. When people become ex's swallow all bad feelings and say nice things about each other, even if it chokes you. It doesn't matter who gets the best of who, as long as kids don't feel like it's their fault the grown ups are arguing. Believe me, I know how easily kids blame themselves for the problems parents go through. No matter what the circumstances no parent is blameless. Money means shit if yr kids ain't happy. If one is a git, lie and say nice things to the kids, make excuses for them. If the other is a cow, do the same even if you really feel like you wanna stab them. When kids grow up they'll work out what the truth was/is and hopefully they won't get too screwed up in the process. X-boxes, playstations, nike trainers and the like mean nothing to kids if their parents can't be civil to each other.

  • Moi says:

    I think Mum’s take the Dad’s to the CSA anyway… Just because they think they have the right to do so. But no, they don’t! If you didn’t want the resposability that came with your kids you should have let the dads have them. They prolly would have been happy with that! And also, there would have been no moaning.
    And hey, if you can’t get your kids at school in time, means that you can’t or don’t keep up their schedule very well, perhaps because you have other priorities or for whatever reason… But just to make the point I wanted to make! You don’t seem to be doing that great of a job after all. Instead, somehow, even though you can’t take the kids to school in time, you make the time to stalk your ex on a website and the have the spare time to comment on it…. Hmmmm….. The nation’s problem! Priorities are all f*cked up! If these women would stop thinking that just because they’ve spread their legs wide open and popped a kid out gives them right of life and death over a man’s life, better kids would be brought into today’s and tomorrow’s society. But no, they’ll be just as bad as their mothers. Won’t value family , school, education, morals, none of that! Will have deep respect for someone else’s wallet and the barrel! Well… good luck to them and good luck to all those stupid t*ats that thought a father is a child’s life means nothing but a bank account! ( sorry for those women that are not part of the class i’ve just described out there)

  • Michael Hallett says:

    say nice things about each other, even if it chokes you.That's the most important thing you can do for your kids.Well said Rachel

  • Angie says:

    Seems like some pained dads on here. One woman voices her opinion and shes deemed an instant bitch, how very funny!

    It takes two to make a baby, if you didn’t want one then you could have worn a condom. When your asked to pay up you come on here mouthing off about how hard life is. Money makes your kids lives better. Why would any dad wish his offspring to live in poverty? Because that is after all what your all complaining about, money! Is money that important to you or should you think about the children involved. The kids that don’t get to see their dads because they are too selfish to pay up willingly.

    when people have children its to two adults, two adults that should care for the kids and share the good times and the bad. When relationships end its the women left to fend for the kids whilst losing a full time wage from the household.

    Dads only ever become bitter because they were not man enough to keep the family unit together and hence embark on a bitter battle over money. Whether a child is late for school or not does not mean that kid would be better off with the father, especially where the child wants to stay with the mum. The only reason a child should be removed from the PWC is for neglect such as malnutrition, abuse or where the parent puts the childs life in danger.

    People on here need to grow up and realise its not ‘all about them’! You had a child/ren with your ex now deal with it.

    Mums are wrong for persecuting fathers through not allowing access, but dads are in the wrong too when you set this aside look what its doing to ‘YOUR’ children.

    It really is obvious why some women are ‘screwing’ men through the CSA with the attitudes of some people on here.

    My Ex, was so gutted I threw him out because he just presumed I would always put up with his crap. He refused councilling so out he went. It was the hardest decision I ever made, but I refused to tip toe around on eggshells every day waiting for him to snap or to attack my eldest child.

    He is now with criminal compliance for not paying up as he gleamed loopholes from this website on how to avoid an attachment of earnings order. He too writes on here about how he is being ripped off and how he is no longer allowed access to his child. Truth is he can see them when ever he wants but he won’t as he prefers the sympathy to the actual love his child will give him.

    The fathers attitude of my one my friends is this ‘have more children to another woman’. He then complains he cannot afford his new family due to the CSA taking money off him to pay for his first family. If you can’t afford to provide for your family then simply keep it in your pants. I find it quite funny men seem to blame the women for the fact they have children. Sex means babies or did none of you guys ever study sex ed.

    Point is if one of you in the relationship (as mother and father) bite the bullet and reach out to make amends and sit down and work out what each other wants then this can lead to a happier life for both of you in your new relationships instead of being bitter, twisted & full of hatred. End of the day what happened has happened, the father walked out or was thrown out the family home for a reason. You didn’t stay to work it out and you didn’t sort the problems out in your relationship at the time so it ended with this situation.

    So is all this fighting really worth it? Because you all know it isn’t ever going to change anything.

  • graeme says:

    In that case Angie women like you should keep your legs shut .

    And that really is lowering myself to ur level to respond.

  • Angie says:

    And the true colours of the dads on this site are shown thank you!

    Its amazing the women that write on here just want a peaceful life, kids to see the dads regularly and the dads to help out with things they need.

    I am presuming Graeme you have some IQ, then you would realise Men earn more than women. If women with care wish to work for what maybe low minimum wage that either fits around the kids or pay for care whilst she works she will be lucky to take home any thing worth shouting about. Then take into account the woman that does work, and pays for childcare despite getting 80% back on WTFC she will lose other benefits too.

    Women are in affect trapped by the system that the government created. Prior to last year these women on benefits did not have a choice to inform the CSA of who the fathers were of the children for the simple fact that the government did not disregard the child maintenance in the same way it does today. Therefore more dads perhaps got screwed as the government tried to re claw money back from the fathers to pay for the benefits the mum claimed.

    I feel sorry for the dads that have been robbed by mums wanting to live the high life, and I feel even more for the dads that have not been able to maintain contact with their children, that is after all the most important thing that comes before money. However money helps buy your children the basics such as food and clothes and keeps a roof over the childs head.

    Anyway Graeme, Well done for your school boy comment. It added much weight to the debate and you really do not know about the life I have led or the fact that I do not have to work as I have inherited my wealth and I instead give my time voluntarily to charities. But then i am a bad person arn’t I ?

    Whether I work or not, whether I have a great lifestyle or not, does not mean that the childs dad should not pay his way as well. Any money I do get, when I get it goes into a trust fund for them anyway. I just choose not to disclose that to the dad. My child knows that they have savings and when he is old enough will get every penny the dad paid over the 18 years. They can then make up their own minds about what their life is worth to their father.

  • Michelle Gibbard says:

    well said but what happens when ur paying to a benefit scrounger and gets csa but wont clothe the child but would rather have some drugs for herself

  • Rach says:

    actually graeme has a valid point! why should a father not have the right to move on yet a pwc can have kids by several different men and a man is not allowed this same right. most men on this site are loving fathers that have been thrown into despair by this “corrupt” agency most of them want to pay for their children but they are stil entitled to a life too!! parenting should be equal on maintenance and care! as for wearing a condom a woman could also be told to make sure she is taking contraception or insist the man is wearing a condom! it takes 2 from the very beginning.

  • Busylizzy says:

    Brokenfather Hell you don”t know the meaning of it . Left to bring up 2 children on your own. I know your answer seen it before “Get a job. you support them” you get CM,CB,CTC so WE”RE rich. While your stillnwhinging about the “system” and how wrong and against the likes of you and how your the only one “HOUNDED” by the csa. My ex as you always put it “PLAYS THE SYSTEM” wether it”s the courts, police or CSA and once more “gets” away with it so far to the tune todate of £200k which I meanwhike on occassion receive a pittance in CM and paid off the £200k I was “HOUNDED” for due to him!!!!!!!!!!ROFL.

  • Brokenfather says:

    No Buzylizzy, I dont know what it is like to bring up two children on my own. I am denied any relationship with my children so how would I?

    I am not hounded by the CSA actually, my payments are not an issue to me financially and I am not in any arrears. I pay by Standing Order.

    I object to mothers bitching they the father does not financially contribute when neither do they. I object to a system that was established to collect money from fathers for the coffers of the exchequer, not for the benefit of children. I object to a system that criminalises failure to make a payment that someone else deems required for the child when it has got bugger all to do with them.

  • Brokenfather says:

    “They can then make up their own minds about what their life is worth to their father.”

    How so typical that a mother can only value a fathers input in terms of money.

    Ho hum …..

  • Mr K says:

    Hi Angie,

    I take it from your comment that you have at least an ounce of intelligence. However your statements are very generalistic and sweeping, and very discrimatory against all fathers.

    This I take offence at, not just for me, but for all loving caring fathers that are in the same position as myself.

    I found out that my Ex wife was having an affair whilst I did my best at the time to build up a new business from scratch. We separated as I couldn’t trust her anymore. I was threatened by my Ex that if I went for custody of the children in the divorce, I would be a dead man….not great, I even had a witness to it.
    Come the divorce, we managed to agree a level of shared care, where I have the children 2 nights per week, and I let her have the house & car.

    I have always paid for my children, and have no qualms about paying for my responsibilities. However money is not the be all and end all of parenting. It is about provding love and support for the rest of their lives.

    I am now in a position of the CSA claiming I am in 11 months arrears on the say so of my Ex…even though I have all bank statements etc proving monies paid.
    The CSA are claiming I have “forged” my bank accounts, yet won’t contact my bank to check!! hmmmm.

    If I am made to pay this money a second time, it will affect my children, as I won’t be able to maintain the roof over my head, that they stay under 2 nights a week!!

    So, as you will notice Angie, I am not making Generalistic sweeping statements about PWC’s or women in particular. What does annoy me though, is women that think all men deserve what is dished out by the CSA! We don’t. There are a lot of fathers that are the victims of malicious Ex partners, but consequently there are PWC’s that are the victims also.

    No sweeping statements like you have made can cover all factors in what is life.
    To try to do so is naive of the facts.

    The CSA is unjust, discrimatory & just plain wrong.

  • graeme says:

    I will respond in time to Angies comments, however at the moment I have many other issues in my life that need dealt with first. It was an interesting post that she put up and I have quickly skimmed the contents of it.


  • wayne says:

    here we go again all being against each other!! The csa is corrupt thats why we are here, the guys here are paying for and want to see their kids, the mothers on here are usually not recieving very much from the agency. The point being we are here for a common cause, our kids. Lets not be divided, write to your mp explain kids need more than a financial parent, that the agency needs to to fair and they need to sort out access. Whining on here is ok but only we get to see it. Write to your mp we are all being abused and our kids suffer. We need to stand together because who knows better for our kids than us?

  • Meg67 says:

    Well said Wayne

    Kind regards

    Meg x x x

  • Busylizzy says:

    Wayne AT LAST some common ground and sense. I”m afraid my heckles in recent weeks have started to rise as it appears the same names arise on this site on a regular basis perhaps in order to blow their own trumpets while at the same time appearing to be soooo sympathetic to those in need or do I mean apathetic?

    PS Brokenfather. I was about to think to myself “at last” until your final comment, with you I should have guessed there would be, after all a leopard never changes its spots or am I thinking of wolves in sheeps clothing, ie quote verbatim ” How so typical that a mother can only value a fathers input in terms of money.” After all in the majority of cases what else is left……… HAHA after all thats why theres so many of us mothers out there bringing OUR kids up on nothing yet expected to respect the needs of the father. Don”t make me laugh ROFL

  • John says:

    We all want what is best for our children, Yes our children. Not the governments children. Not the CSA’s children. What has it got to do with these invented/fantasy agencys that keep civil servants in jobs with their bonuses, gold plated pensions and all paid for by yours truely.

    We don’t need these people they are corrupt and divisive.

    Mediation and concilliation is the key. It is possible with give and take, but the government won’t give it up as it is a money making machine for them, that is why we all should stick together and lobby Cameron and Clegg by putting them under pressure, with facts. The biggest fact being CSA/CMEC is a shambles!

  • Brokenfather says:

    Buzzylizzy, I would rather live in poverty with my children than live in luxury without them. You have no idea what it is like to be denied a relationship your own flesh and blood ….

  • Allan Morrell says:

    well served…lol

  • Terry norris says:

    Well well what very interesting replies to this.The one person replying that really gets my interest the most is Angie…you talk such bo****cks and tar us fathers as wining bitter people who don’t want anything to do with our kids let alone have to pay for them.How f*****g DARE you suggest us men on here are not man enough to keep their families together.before I had gotten to the end of your reply , I realised you were a bitter man hater because of your experience with a dead beat idiot.WE are not all like your ex so how dare you suggest indirectly that we are.
    Mr K ..your reply to Angie was very very good….ANGIE….I was with my gf for 8 yrs before we married.she told me she loved me so much she could hurt me..little did I know what she meant by that until 9 months after our wedding she announces she’s leaving me for a German she was cyberwhoring with…yes..can you get your head round that one? She took my daughter away from me when she was only 3 yrs old and moved to Germany.she has never been fair…ever in me seeing my daughter.i could write a book on here on what a total bitch she has been and still is..I’d name and shame her on here but will not lower myself to her gutter level….she has another child by another father whom she has NEVER claimed a penny from,that child was brought up by me from the age of 18 months and I took him into my home and welcomed him with open arms,feeding him,giving him my wine at Xmas we would have him stay with us and all for the love I had for his daughter …no other reason.
    Even when my ex moved to Germany she screwed me for money for my daughter but LIED to the German authorities to the whereabouts of her other daughters father,claiming she didn’t know where he lived or had any contact with him and yet I know for a fact she took his daughter to see him 2 wks previously.
    She files a claim with the csa against me and he still pays nothing…yes call me bitter..loll…call me old fashioned as well..but when a woman walks away from a husband that supports her and his child along with someone else’s and loves her dearly because she is bored after only 9 months married and decides to be with a guy that also goes out of his way to break up a family unit .if he wants your wife and kid…then he should look after them lock stock and barrel…..what’s so hypocritical of most women inc my ex is they want nothing whatsoever to do with their ex,he has nothing they want anymore…so why don’t they just leave him alone and get on with the new life they chosen? It’s ironic they still want something from him…..MONEY!
    One last thing Angie….I did not walk away from my responsibilities, I was relieved of them by a selfish wife who put her needs before our kids…The csa just criminalises fathers and drives a wedge between father and child…sadly I see my daughter as a financial ankle chain now for the next 12 yrs….my ex sees her as a cash cow.
    Forgot to mention what I am raped of each month for a daughter who’s mother will not even give me a telephone to call my daughter let alone an address to send her letters to tell her I am still alive. £320 for one child…disgusting beyond believe.and the csa are filth who care nothing for the kids,only for the treasury.I can’t afford to see my daughter and have any quality time with her now,her mother along with the csa have put pay to that.
    Gary clarkson and rach ..well said comments

  • Terry Scott says:

    As far I can see CSA are wrong, MPs all support this movement against fathers, mothers who are separated from they’re children and driven to depression and suicide as a result.

    regardless of two people having sex I want men to have a say in the early stages of pregnancy. IF HE decides he don’t want to have a child with a women. She pays for it.

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