Do you buy your children expensive presents at Christmas?
Here’s a question for all of the non resident parents out there; do you buy your children expensive presents at Christmas?
When I first split up from my ex-wife I was very conscious not to use the fact that I was working and could afford gifts that were perhaps more expensive than she could to buy my kids’ loyalty. I made sure I didn’t spend more on them than she could and certainly didn’t want her to think that I was showing her up with expensive presents.
However, it soon became apparent that she was doing her best to offer them better alternatives than seeing me every weekend by taking them to their friends’ parties, to the park – basically anything to persuade them not to meet up with me. I felt that their loyalties were indeed being bought and they were being used as weapons against me.
Then, as only one of my children wanted to meet me one weekend, I bought him a toy fire engine. It was only a small gift, hardly one of the latest new computers or quad bikes, but it was enough to have my ex-wife complaining that I was buying his loyalty and causing her problems with the other two children.
Maybe I was playing her at her own game, maybe I sank to her level, I’m not sure – but the fallout was that she never let me see my children again. She insisted that if I wanted contact ever again I had to go through a lawyer, which of course I could not afford as I paying the CSA for three kids, for arrears I swear to this day I did not owe, and for a loan on a car that had been stolen and my ex-wife had claimed on the insurance for.
Presents such as fire engines I could afford, solicitor’s fees to arrange court dates and contact with my children, who were being persuaded not to see me anyway, I couldn’t.
I digress. What I want to know here is what the general consensus of opinion is on this? Do you buy expensive presents for your children, can you afford to with the CSA bleeding you dry, or do you keep it small so as not to appear flashy?
I personally haven’t seen my children for over two years (coming on for three) and this year I’ve bought small token presents for them because my ex-wife insists (via email) that they will be given the presents and they will be told who they are from.
71 thoughts on “Do you buy your children expensive presents at Christmas?”
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What a sad story Michael.
To answer your question No i have never done that to my son. My ex and I always put some money together and buy him a main present. We then buy him something smaller from each of us. True he may get more from his mum than what he may do from me, but I pay for his horse riding lessons throughout the year, plus anything else that he may need, the ex and I will normally go 50/50 or she will pay for it from her CSA money. This is on top of the money that the CSA steal from me.
This year will be so different for me as I have neither the money to buy a present for him or help in any way. He will get something from me.. what i dont know yet. Yes I am in full time employment, but my mother recently passed away and with taking time off work I am not getting paid for that… apparently its strict company policy. I will make up his xmas presents throughout the year as he is 13 years old.. going on 21 !!!!!!….. He understands that money for me is non existant at the moment and my ex does as well. I just wish the CSA would understand that.. but i cant be seen to be denying the CSA bosses their xmas bonus this year.. shame on me for thinking like that.
Graeme
goto court and fight foraccess you have the right to see your kids
i split from my ex and it was rough,but as he left me and had better money than me being on the dole and me working struggling to survive,i never went to csa nor did i ask for any money he offered at one point and thru my anger i said "since you wanted to take on someone elses 2 kids and live soo far away that my kids cant see you then stick it",but never argued over it again as i said my peace but i also had to swallow my pride as he said to me and still does "i know your not well off but what i give the kids for xmas isnt in no way given to make you feel bad and hope it never does"i have to admit all i care about is the kids if he wants to buy them things i cant then so be it at least they are happy,your ex sounds like my partners ex and turning the kids against the father not right but as ive told him when his child becomes 16 then questions will be asked we have proof of the excuses in txts and will let the child make her own mind up but as for now he has to grin and bear it im afraid.
Wish I could! My ex wants the childsupport but won't cough up visitation:(
I don't spend too much, after all it isn't going to be appreciated much considering he gets about 200 presents off his grandparents!!!! NO EXAGGERATION, absolutely ridiculous!!!
Sounds like are a victim of a condition called parent alienation syndrome. Check it out on Google. I found this condition out following my divorce.
what you want to do though is on there birthdays write cards out and keep them then one day they will find you when there older they make there own minds up trust me i know that way they will no you havent forgot bout them
I try to get expensive type presents when ever I can afford it… I search for bargains and during sales and if I'v the pennies I'll get it…but several small but reasonable priced products are easilly obtained… I also find that sitting with the child looking for toys, games, science kits…. etc is a good source of inspiration… keep up in the knowledge of what they like, their clothing and footwear styles which they prefer….. and find the oportunities…Argos Catalogue… toys catalogues online…. listen to what the child says when they say " I wish I could have one of those"… google it, find the price.. and make your budget adjust accordingly!!!Effective budgeting…. but sometimes the NRP is not financially able… thanks to greedy selfish PWC's CMEC/CSAthe REPRODUCTION TAX COLLECTION AGENCY (aka CSA) are not concerned whether the child benefits or not…. nor do they care about how the NRP can afford to live or not…The CSA and PWC collude to drive the NRP to death financially and emotionally…. ruled by GREED!!!!!!
I am broke. No money for expensive gifts as a PWC. But I do my best for my daughter on my own. Also, it's not the price of the gift that matters but love….
What i have learned to do is what ever i buy my children they leave them at mine so they always have something to play with or do when there at mine and my ex cant see what iv bought them.I know its hard to say to a small child sorry you dont take it home but its better than have the ex moaning or the gift vanishing and never to be seen again
Well I can't for two of mine because I don't know there addresses. Oldest and youngest I'll get for, but no idea what yet!
when you get a chance to do something nice,do your best and fuck everyone else
Stephen… thats exactlywhat I do… that way he knows my place is also his home..
I send cards at xmas and b'days recorded delivery with cash in ,, but they always come back unopend ?
I think if you see your children then giving them presents and keeping the presents at your house is the best option. This has been a rough year for my partner and we are going through the rather long process of trying to get him access again to see his children after his ex got remarried and stopped contact. Recently he got a text from her with his kids bank account details with a curt text saying 'the kids want money this year so there's no need for you to see them – just put the money straight in their accounts!'Not sure yet what he is going to do but it's horrible seeing the man you love suffer so much at the hands of a very manipulative, nasty woman.
Why do so many women use the children as weapons?
my daughters father asked what she wanted and he said "no probs" two days later said oh i cant its out of stock . i called him and said you should not make promises you cant keep as its not fair on her. He then said he found a shop with stock asking "what colour would you like " she told him "any" the following week another call from him saying he cant afford the gift as he has a new mouth to feed. so he will send her £100. By now i had bought all her gifts. she had wished she had put the gift on the l"santa"list i had. I looked at my finances and could not get this gift for her.She did have £30 saved and was putting this along with his £100 to buy what she had wanted. Two days later and he says he is sending a £50 voucher as he now cant send £100. i have told him this is emotional abuse and i will not have my child upset day after day. He has not paid support for sixteen months now and says i am greedyhow will i benefit freom her gift? i wont.He feels she is worth less than £1 per week. My view mis her birthday is on the same day each year as is xmas. No body just sprung it upon him. Why not save all year like i have to. Put a ilttle aside each week to ensure i have enough come december to pay for xmas. or dont make and break promises to children. He gambles away his money on horses and spends it down the pub. am i being totally thick to think he does not come close to the mark of being a responsible father?
No we don't, they have a dad who loves them and if what we spend on them isn't enough,tough, they should be grateful that their dad wants to know them after all the lies from his exgirlfriend and the csa.Love should mean more than expensive presents.
My children 'used' to receive cards to exs address that had been opened resealed and forwarded on so from that i can gleen that whatever was in the card it was removed…They never got it he stated that it paid for the family holiday that he took with his new wife, our children and her two children…no doubt that whatever the step children got from the same family members that money was never used for holidays.No toys were ever allowed to come home with the children and i don't buy the excuse that it gave them something to play with when the children were at his, they were only there 4 days out of a possible 30/31 days!One christmas 8 years ago all 4 children got an Xbox, 2 lived in the house who in theory was that gift for considering as i said that they only visited 4 days out of a possible 30/31 days.But then when we're talking about a Father here who was given ALL the access he wanted and took me to court to see LESS of them!
Oh we had that, Lisa, one of the guys would send birthday and Christmas presents to his kids at his ex's. She would remove the labels from him and put on her own. So the next year we caught her. He put additional labels saying from him tied inside the present itself. You can imagine the scene when the kids suddenly announced "this is from daddy!". So we advise all fathers to do that now, just in case.
GREATFULL their dad wants to know them . this WANKER needs to seperate his ex from his kids end of
Peter i wouldn't even consider that and that's a low thing to do stating that gift was from me when it was from there father, shocking, to be a fly on the wall would have been priceless.My children haven't had a card or gift in over 7 years. The Grandparents in there last christmas card stated 'We have opened a bank account and put your birthday and christmas money in it, the next time we're in Hertfordshire we will catch up on all your news' that was 8 years ago, they're still waiting!
The other good one, was a guy who was being denied contact, he used to do adverts. And whenever the right ad came on tv, the cry would go up, "mummy, daddy's on tv!". So there she was having to record all the children's programs and edit out the ads.
what a wicked woman!!! how spitefull. have you considered going to mediation? atleast then you can both agree on visitation and money ? if that dont work then you could go solicitors, if you are on benefits or earn under a certain amount of money you may qualify for legal aid? my boyfriend ahd to spend 2k on solicitors as mediation didnt work as she never stuck to it, but the solicitors agreement seems to have worked, she knows court will be next and i think she is a bit scared at that thought. …. someone i know represented themselves in court and got what he wanted. i dont think that costs too much as you would have cut out the solicitor. my partner spends what he wants on the kids but he never ever lets the toys go home. the ex would demand to have certain toys brought round to her house example the Wii. er no! we heard she was selling toys that was going home to boot sales so not a thing goes to her house now. she gets her maintainence money and it dont look like it goes on the kids as they come round a mess in scruffy clothes so im sure the ex is having a good time out clubbing most nights. some ppl r scum and its such a shame you have to deal with this. i dont understand why people have to get nasty and use the kids as a weapon. it damages the kids in the long run. however, she cant hide the kids away forever, they wil. grow up and have minds of their own and then she cant stop them. i really hope you win this fight.
lol lol i was accused of 'throwing' there gifts away, priceless exercise that when he was standing on the doorstep busy accusing me of chucking said toy my eldest came down stairs with it a millenium volcan thing spaceship star wars job saying 'look Dad, Mum found that it has a light on' to which i stated 'wow he must of just got it out of the bin!' my son heard that and said 'No i didn't it's next to my bed where it always is' i then invited him in to look through there rooms and at the TV to make sure that the PS1 was still there, another toy i was accused of throwing away he refused the invititation.And YES i did sell there toys, toys that they had grown out of or didn't play with anymore some i'd brought, some that he brought BUT they would have there own area on a table at a car boot and KEEP the money themselves. Theyre 16 & 18 now and STILL sell there stuff at car boots
I find making sure my child has stuff here and if he wants to take anything I'v bought for him back to his mothers… he asks if he can…but he prefers not to take any of his clothes and footwear home as he's worried that his mother wont wash em the same way as they are done here..Expensive presents are not the beall and endall……good presents at an affordable price…….. look for the Sales and Bargains……for his 14th B/day… a bike worth £179…. bargain at £60 from the same shop……Most teens want a games console… go for a reconditioned one… they're cheaper but still do the same job….. ask what games they like… or go to a gaming shop or dvd shop which sells preowned games also… kids dont care of the cost… just the Item in good condition…Science fair kits also…. mobile phones… always know what your child wants…. the budget is down to the parent….Only one problem exists if the greedy PWC has had the CSA destroy u financially… explain that to the child…. after the age of 12… they will understand…. My son hates the CSAbecause of how it prevented me getting the stuff he wanted…. but appreciates I did my best..He often says.. it might b too much dad,,it mite be 2 expensive.. I always say… I'll see what I can do….. and he knows that I will and do!!!!CSA is a good promotional advert for using a condom….. Most condom manufacturers should use CSA as an advert to sell their product…. I have told my son… when he starts experimenting sexually… he must use a condom…. He comments protection against STI… I comment protection against CSA!!!!!!
Hi i have always tried to give my son the very best i can afford, as i am his parent and i only worry about my relationship with my child. As should all parents ! Parents should provide the very of thier abilities whatever that may be ? wether that be a toy fire engine or quad bike.
I think it is important to send a card and a gift at Christmas if you dont see your kids, but if I were you I would try to see them…or have things got so fraught between you and your ex that it's not possible. Anyway back to the gift as thats the subject of your posting…the value of the gift is not important…well not for the younger kids anyway. There is a £1 shop in the town near where I live and if I give my daughter £3 and tell her to go round the shop and choose 3 things she is over the moon and plays with them for ages – we had a dolls head where you style the hair and an alien in an egg the other week and they cost hardly anything. The only thing that can be difficult is when one parent isnt contributing towards the child but is flashing the cash with them, while the other parent who is paying all the bills and childcare has no money to buy the gifts, therefore making the child feel like one parent is spoiling them more than the other. Hope that makes sense. If its difficult with your ex, get your kids to write a list and agree with your ex who can afford to get which bits…if you agree in advance there are no surprises. I think more importantly than thinking about presents though, you need to think about access, even if you have to grit your teeth and try to be nice, saying that the child will lose out if they dont see you so you parents should keep your arguments out of it – everyone says things they don't mean when they are angry and so maybe its worth saying this to her but saying that as parents you should both agree that this doesnt mean the child suffers. Hope that helps xxx
For those who dont get to see their children… I would recommend Toys R us vouchers….. The PWC wont be able to purchase her own desires with it as it's a TOY shop!!!!!
LMAO, anyone would think your ex' (s) were money grabbers?
most of them are………. It was always about money, and there are many pwc's with just the same frame of mind on here as my ex's… Most wanted to argue , be disrespectful, take liberties… and the mindset was all about themselves!! lol
Another voucher that can be used only for the child and not PWC is Early Learning Centre vouchers…. It is easier to post and use recorded delivery as evidence for your child to see if questioned when they wish to know for themselves… and they will…Unfortunately. there are many PWC's willing to brainwash their child into believing the NRP doesnt want contact or make provisions….Clearly the actions of a selfish arrogant vindictive manipulative disrespectfull greedy !!!!!!!!!.
PWC…. I forgot to title what I was describing…lol
In respect to comments made in anger, anger is an emotion and any angry comment made by PWC or NRP in anger is truthfully made from the emotion, however! those who choose not to allow their emotions to get in the way will not argue!!!If the child asks questions… there is no point in lying to them…. they will discover the truth eventually and will not accept your choice to disrespect them by telling lies… We teach our children not to tell lies…. we should set the example as responsible adults and as responsible parents!!!!!!there are PWC's who are prepared to start an argument in order to create a brainwashing for the child to see…. that is why I just laugh if my PWC's attempt to argue…. I comment in a calm voice with my head shaking a disapproval!!!!My child witnesses the attempts of the PWC to provoke argument and will comment that the PWC has clearly over reacted, often my PWC declares I am a serial cheat, I comment … How could I be a serial cheat in the 25 yrs of relationships I have only ever cheated on 3 out of 50+ women I have had either long or short term relationships with…. when I commented she was the 1st woman I had ever cheated on…. she comments she must still be a virgin… I told her she must still be a virgin… so she got aggressive saying she would get physically violent with me…… A threat made in front of my child……!!!!! How wonderfull an example she is as a parent eh!!!!!My son realises why I chose to seek a respectable woman rather than the cheap excuse of a woman that some PWC's present themselves to be with such negative attitudes… children learn by the examples the parents present to them……My son also realises the judgmental attitudes of the PWC are wrong and selfish, self righteous and arrogant!!!I am so pleased that my child now realises that I am nothing like that and that I am unwilling to accept the behaviour of selfish greedy arrogant PWC's affecting his life with such negative influences…My child knows I will not disrespect him by lying to him…. he also knows I will not disrespect him by making sure I can financially provide by direct purchase for his needs rather than fund the PWC….. He benefits directly… the PWC does not… this is not flashing of cash or spoiling the child…… this is about direct provision of financial purchase.. not the funding of the PWC….. but the funding of the childs needs!!!!!!!!
Alan for heavens sake, you criticize all PWC's on here in general because you don't get on with your ex's, but lets not forget you cheated on them and on one of them when you had a 4 week old baby with her. If there are disagreements between you it is most definitely not about money, it is about being faithful and taking the action of having children seriously. Also yes vouchers are useful but when you are a kid, what is more exciting…a voucher or a toy to unwrap? If you get a kid a transformer, I very much doubt that the PWC will play with it unless they are playing a game of transformers with the child on the living room carpet. Christmas is a magical time, especially for younger kids and a gift is way better than a voucher, it doesn't have to be expensive, but it is more fun and shows that some thought went into it.
mmmm! Maxine you comment about my cheating when I had a 4 week old baby, maybe I suggest you present evidence of this…. I have never commented I cheated when I had a 4 week old baby… Annika made such an allegation a while ago with a comment that she allegedly recieved an email from an alleged ex regarding such comment…I suggest you clarify your allegation with evidence…. Maybe you could tell me who my ex was at the same time also…. Maybe you could tell me where I was living at the time where I had actually done this cheating on my ex while my child was 4 weeks old??????Maybe you could tell me in which year I did this, how old the relevant child is now?????Oooops! you dont have any evidence… I wonder why that is…. Maxine you said the same thing as Annika… upon questioning her of relevant details to supply evidence.. why did Annika bow out without provision of evidence to verify the allegations?????Just because a PWC attempts to discredit me as an NRP with such an allegation… does that mean the allegation to be true or are you just accepting it to be the truth because you dislike my opinions, clearly I have offended a PWC that a PWC now allegedly has sent an email to another PWC on this forum alleging herself to be my ex…. Hmmmmm!are there any of my ex's on this forum??????? are any of my ex's on the net?????I only know 2 of my ex's on Facebook…. I cant see either of them making an untrue allegation and if any allegations were to have been made by either of them … surely they would have openly done so on the forum rather than sending an email with such allegations to a PWC who was engaged in argument with myself????????You clearly accept Annika's comment as truth without accurate facts and evidence…. Annika never knew me and you certainly dont know me else such allegations would not have been made… You clearly accept that Annika's alleged receipt of alledged email be the truth without obtaining the facts…. I dont deny nor do I admit your allegations…. as clearly you dont know the truth about any of my history… neither you or Annika knew any of my ex's,,,,, niether of you know the people I know…. Neither of you have ever met me nor have you lived in the same places as I have….You see a comment where a PWC in argument with me attempts to discredit me as an NRP because you do not approve of me having my own opinions and voicing those opinions… clearly evident when you request moderater to ban me from the forum!!!!!!! you accept the allegation as truth and yet you have not been able to present any evidence to suggest it be true…I openly say I have cheated, I had my reasons to cheat onj 3 of my ex's….. I dont say I am proud of cheating but I do state that such actions were valuable and nessessary!!!!!Any conflict about my cheating issues have never been relevant in my posts….. what is relevant is clearly issues about money and clearly I have commented accordingly….I am glad I cheated in the past as it opened new doors to improved changes in my life and that of my children…. I am not ashamed of it…. and I dont say I am proud either!!!!I have no issues with my history of cheating on any of my ex's…. Clearly niether my partners I cheated on were happy and I certainly wasnt happy with the relationship if I felt the need to cheat…. If we had been happy, why would I cheat… I have never cheated on those I were happy with!!!!!!!!I suggest before making accusations that you present the relevant evidence… good luck with that by the way!!!!! Come back as soon as you gather evidence… clearly that will be very difficult… Hmmmm! and I wonder why??????????I have 3 children I dont see, and 1 I have regular shared care and contact with. Also with my 1st wife, when we split.. she told me she was pregnant, no evidence she was… no actual results, no demands by CSA in relevance…… Oooops… what was it Annika said????… I dont have shared care with my eldest.?????.. Hmmmm! why do CSA have it on record that I do?????, why is it my son is with me each weekend and throughout school holidays,??????? why is it my son wants me to attend school evenings etc????????? Why is it my son wanted to send a nasty comment to Annika after reading her comments and I told him to leave it as she aint worth the effort?????Maxine, Annika is not an ex either…. she was just as hatefull to my opinions as you are…… Clearly an attempt to manipulate others views against my opinions because you dislike my comments against manipulative selfish arrogant greedy PWC's?????I do not and never have slated all PWC's… clearly my comments are regarding selfish arrogant greedy PWC's which I have commented regularly and have been defined as and when nessessary…. you react as if I comment about yourself…. A sign of guilt because my comments are so close to the truth about yourself?????????Maxine and Lisa… dont accept an allegation from someone none of us know personally and especially when you do not know the truth or the relevant facts..how many sons do I have.. How many daughters do I have… how many ex's do I have??????? what line of employment was I in??????These where the questions I presented to Annika's allegation, none of which she dared to answer because she knew she was lying in order to attempt to discredit me due to her dislike to my opinions and comments against selfish arrogant greedy PWC's….I wpuld suggest you discontinue your false allegations or you'll have more to worry about than not getting your retail therapy fundings via CSA…. All evidence is saved… and if you wish to go into legal issues regarding your malicious comments and false allegations.. carry on!!!!You have been warned!!! and politely so… your choice!!!!!!
If you knew me, you'd know the truth but you choose to accept a lie!!!
Maxine.. you made this comment….. I very much doubt that the PWC will play with it unless they are playing a game of transformers with the child on the living room carpet. Christmas is a magical time, especially for younger kids and a gift is way better than a voucher obviously in respect to my commentThe PWC wont be able to purchase her own desires with it as it's a TOY shop!!!!!Where did I comment on….. PWC playing with toys????? Do you assume I would object to the PWC playing a game, entertaing the child with the toys????sending a voucher is direct provision to child financially…. yes a present would be exciting…. of cause I live to a budget, I'm on benefits because of my illness and disability, I search for work also… I although not paid a wage I work on my photography… so not exactly being lazy!!!!I can only manage what my finances permit!!!!!! You attempt to lecture me on moral fibre????? Am I the greedy one by providing household amenities, clothing and footwear, shelter, love, understanding, compassion, support, wisdom and care while during shared responsibilities?????????Would I expect financial support if I was my sons resident parent (the PWC)??????Not at all… I would not wish to be the selfish greedy PWC even if I do choose to be arrogant!!!!!!!
Do you actually understand the English language….I cant understand a lot of what you write and you seem to misinterpret what a lot of others write. By choice perhaps.
Maxine, misinterpret what…. exactly??? Misinterpret your comments where you state I was cheating while my child was 4 weeks old???I ask again where is your evidence??????? Still awaiting the evidence… why do you evade my questions???? which questions do you find hard to comprehend??? perhaps your inability to comprehend is made by your own choice??You really need to remove your head from the sand!!! this is the real world love!!!!!
This is not a schoolground for childish gossip by little girls!!!! Grow up and be a real woman!!!!! Instead of relying on a meal ticket to funding your retail therapy!!!! I wouldnt be surprised you still believe in fairies!!!
Maxine, My cheating issues from my history have nothing to do with the issue of buying expensive presents… you critisize me on a few occasions in issues of going off the subject but you chose to involve my history of cheating into this post and go off the subject…. Are you familiar with the word hypocrisy?????Are you exempt of applying to your comments in reference to keeping to the original post????or is this the Maxine Knowles site???? I suggest you also practice what you preach… as previously commented by one PWC in argument…. Hmmmm! anyone else remember who that was???You choose to allow yourself enter opinionated conflict and you choose to use cheap shots with which you have no evidence to confirm your allegation to be true or untrue.. Oddly enough… I know the truth… that's all that counts….who with or when or why is not your business as you are not involved and never have been involved in my history!!!!Hasty and bitter you may be….. that will be your own downfall..You choose to approach with intentions to create conflict where I comment about the actions of the greedy selfish arrogant PWC!!!!so please have a whinge about my rantings but also have a whinge at your own for even attempting to play with me…. Your foreplay techniques are clearly disturbing…. You need help, Maxine!!!!
i'd rather it was the Maxine Knowles site than the Allan Morrell…
Awwwwww Lisa….. I hope you enjoyed ya little schoolgirl whinge there…lol
Maxine… your accusation towards myself…..but lets not forget you cheated on them and on one of them when you had a 4 week old baby with her……I misinterpet what….. about such comment????Maybe I should recieve the evidence and misinterpret that???????
Maxine is the perfect candidate for being a CAFCASS employee… with provision of trumped up allegations without provision of evidence!!!!!
Lisa… it is the Maxine knowles site, have you not noticed??????? it's all about me, me, ME from Maxines point of view!!!!!! This is why I respond with the same exhuberence that she should learn to apply to the financial and emotional welfare of her child, as she attempts to use in engagement of communications with myself!!!! ROFLMFAOOL
Rant rant, Rant Rant!!!! Oooops! rant rant!!!
So lovely to block Allan Morrell not sure why i didn't think of this sooner, i can finely read these posts without having to trawl past his drivel to find something worthwhile to read…happy Christmas everyone!
I think he needs to take his tablets …sad