Daughter now lives with me but CSA insist she does not and take my money for ex

July 27, 2012

I have been paying CSA for my 2 daughters that live with me ex for a few years now, and I have no complaints about this. I am now married with 1 daughter of our own, and just recently my eldest daughter requested that she wanted to come and live with me.

My eldest daughter is 12 years old, and I havent had any contact for about 9 years untill recently when she had been asking about me. We picked her up and she is now living with me and my partner, but even though I have informed CSA of the change in circumstance’s, because my ex partner will not answer phone calls or letters from themselfs, I am still expected to pay my ex for both the daughters.

I have claimed child beneift for my eldest now, but it can take 8-12 weeks, not including the month already passed. Thats 4 months of paying CSA to my ex for a child that is in MY care!!! Is this not illegal? Is this not obtaining money by deciet? Does my ex not have an legal right to let CSA (and child benefit) know of any change of circumstances? Surely its fraud??

I cancelled the direct debit, but was told that they would take it to thier enforcement team if I did not pay. My eldest daughter by the way, came to us with about 3 days worth of clothing, and no personal items what so ever. I have a social worker involved, a police reference number from the day we picked her up, and we had to change her school because we live 40 minutes away from her old school? Can CSA not use this information to see that my daughter is now in my care?

I feel so angry and deflated by this whole episode, in the fact I have done evrything by the book, but my ex partner can just refuse to answer phone calls or letters and get away with it!… I have know idea what else to do, I am at my wits end. I kneed this money to pay for my daughters clothes and feed her, and yes I still want to pay for my other daughter that lives there, but because my ex does not work, she wont have to pay for my eldest. It is such a biased system, almost to the point of corrupt.

I need help and advice …. before I pull my hair out.


  • jay. says:

    It isn’t right, but in the csa eyes they don’t care as you’re paying. My advice is write and urgent letter of complaint and see your mp asap to give the csa a kick up the backside. Inform child benefit to what is happening. When everything is sorted csa will have to get the back pay from your ex….keep on at them, never ring them, always communicate in written form, mark letters as complaints, use the mp and ICE so they know you are not taking their crap.

    Can’t believe csa get it so wrong on so many levels…and hate to say it, its because your male and I do believe csa are biased towards mothers…and I’m a woman saying this, its got to change. Good luck

  • terry north says:

    Jay..you are sooo right.the csa are corrupt and totally biased towards the pwc..WHY because they are not the people the csa are robbing of cash..its you and it is NOT in their interest to HELP and play FAIR with you..you are the cash supply.They WILL NOT listen to whatever you tell them,they WILL believe WHATEVER lies the pwc tells them and their word will be god.the pwc will NEVER own up to their kids now no longer living with them or now working because it means their cash flow will dry up…..and whats incredible is this shit organisation dont seem to give a toss…it is soooo corrupt and biased.

  • glenn says:

    Exactly the same thing happened to me. I made an appeal against the DWP to get the Child Benefit backdated as I had an e-mail from the mother proving that my eldest child was living with me from an exact date. But still this was n’t good enough. It was absolutely infuriating that she was still able to claim quite legally money that she was n’t entitled to. And you’re right in what you’re saying in that it’s all stacked against you. I had to pay 4K for contact rights and parental responsibility, got bullied by a judge in court (and when I complained the Judicial Complaints reviewer was too scared to take action), and was told by social services that due to lack of resources that they weren’t going to investigate the mother ( because father is looking out for the kids they don’t need to basically!)

    And sorry to be the bearer of bad news but by the looks of your situation even when you get the Child Benefit you will still be paying the mother if she earns less than you. If she is on benefits the most she will pay is 5 pounds a month, which is reduced to nothing if she has your eldest daughter for 1 overnight stay a week. You could well find yourself in the absolutely ludicrous situation of looking after two daughters at your house and still sending money to your ex for your youngest. Please see my article on Sexual discrimination – legal challenge on this site. Because if yours is n’t sexual discrimination then I don’t what is. If I get any useful legal advices through NACSA or a solicitor I can let you know. If you want my e-mail address no probs with that. When I’ve gone through the current CSA appeal procedure and write to my MP, Theresa May and the policy makers behind CMEC I can forward a copy to you. They need to know that there are other people besides myself who are financially disadvantaged by CSA law. And for me that’s the saddest part of it all. In an age when government openly admit that it’s better to have both parents involved in a child’s upbringing, their policies actually penalize responsible fathers financially, when they should be encouraging or rewarding them.

  • chall says:


    If your case commenced after 03/03/03, is your present CSA liability calculated at 20% of your income for 2 qualifying children, after 15% has be deducted for the child living in your household?
    If so, a new calculation would take into account a 20% reduction for the 2 relevant others in your household, prior to the 15% being calculated for the remaining qualifying child.

    Yes, a PWC has a legal obligation to inform the CSA when a child ceases to live with them.
    However, as your ex is not forthcoming with the information, the CSA will require you to be in receipt of child benefit to show you are now the PWC.

    I hope you have informed the agency in writing (you can email them from this link http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/parents/childmaintenance/arrangingchildmaintenance/dg_199135 and keep a copy of the receipt) that your child now resides with you, as once the CSA are in a position to carry out the change, it should get backdated to the date they were initially informed and the over payment refunded.

    Using the same link, you can also make an application to receive CSA for your child from your ex. It will also have an effect on the amount you will be liable to pay your ex for your other child that lives with her as you now have 2 relevant other children to take into consideration when your liability is being calculated.

    Hopefully, the child benefit office will process your claim swiftly.

    chall ~ afairercsaforall

  • Glenn says:


    I’m not challenging or disagreeing with what you are saying but the posters end situation will probably end up as I stated.

    In all likelihood he will be in the same boat as me being both PWC and NRP at the same time, as well as have to pay for his third daughters costs AND send money to his ex partner (if he earns significantly more than her, or she is on benefits, when they counter claim each other).

    That situation is absolutely absurd. There is no way that situation should be allowed to happen and is entirely brought about by CSA laws that discriminate against the NRP (in 95% of cases, the man). Until the starting point of shared care is Zero payment either way this will continue to happen.

    In reality (and definitely in my case), this guy would probably be financially better off, even after obtaining Child Benefit, of having nothing to do with his first two daughters and paying the CSA to his ex.

    What sort of sick twisted scheme encourages that? Hardly encouraging responsible parenting is it?

  • Adam says:

    Just a bit more info to add to my previous comment. Not only is my ex not contacting CSA, but she has also cut all ties wih our eldest daughter. Now I am a firm believer that all children have a right to stay in contact with both their parents,no matter what difficuties those parents have with each other. So I am encouraging my eldest to ring her mum as much as possible.

    Now my ex is still not answering to my eldest daughter and has on 3 occasions put the phone down on her when she realised who it was.

    So as i see it now, not only is my ex sitting on her backside, deliberatly claiming money for a daughter that dosent live with her, but she also severed all contact with our daughter, and it seems to me that she can do this because she has the backing of CSA.

    In my opinion, if my ex is unwilling to contact CSA of a change in circumstance, and I have done so, all payments should be suspended untill either an investigation is done, or my ex can actually be bothered to contact CSA herself.

    This system is morally wrong, and on ther verge of being a illegal. I can claim benefits and go to work because it is benifit fraud, so how can the goverment and CSA not see that this is also beneift fraud??

    Thank you for your help so far, and the comments. They have been mosy helpful.

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