CSA wants money but daughter has left college

February 17, 2012

I have a 16 year old daughter. She grew up with me until she was about 4. It was then i caught her mother cheating, she moved out with my daughter and took everything i owned.

I contacted the police the child services and i had no help from them at all, I could not even find my daughter after looking for years. Five years ago she got in contact and yes i wanted to see my daughter. We got on well and had a good relationship for about 1 year then everything changed. She showed no emotion towards me nor wanted much to do with me apart from text messages asking me to buy her things.

Well i had my daughter for the first time this Christmas and what a nightmare, she would not get out of bed would not talk to anyone so i left her to it.

Next thing i got the police at my front door on Christmas day, I was accused of kidnapping my daughter, (they found no evidence of this). So i took her home boxing day, I asked her how she was getting on at school and she told me she had dropped out and was not going and looking for a job. As well as shocking me by telling me she has a 22 year old boyfriend who stays with her!

So thats how i left things with her, Not spoken since and i now have the csa asking for money, I dont mind paying at all but why should i when she is no longer in full time education? I have asked the college for a report on her course work ,ie, whats she is studying and when, but as i am not on the birth cert i have no right, I would like to know how i can find this out?

And why do i have no rights towards knowing my daughter’s education?

Comments

2 Responses to “CSA wants money but daughter has left college”

  1. MHCBA on February 17th, 2012 6:11 pm

    Conversely, I have a 17 year old son who has struggled emotionally, financially and educationally because of his father’s tactics and his witnessing his father’s abuse of me, even producing false statements/evidence to the CSA as well as the police. Fortunately, those concerned within the CSA did not fall for some of his claims. The police bought his ‘story’ because, I suspect, the individuals concerned were seeking promotion or pursuing their tick-box statistics. Either way, they ruined my career, traumatised my son and damaged his educational progress. I cannot say that it was not intentional on the part of the individuals involved.

    The sole purpose of my son’s father was to reverse the liability of child maintenance – with the CSA, he claimed that he was looking after the child three days a week and getting him to nursery school at 8.00 when he lived at least two hours away (one-way). With the police, he said that I had never had a relationship with him but had threatened to ‘smash’ someone’s ‘face in’. The police then offered to take my son off me and put him in his father’s care whilst they arrested me – not having checked whether it was safe for them to do so or whether he had any responsibility. There was no evidence to support my ‘”X’s” say-so. My guess is that, had I allowed this, my child would have been damaged and used to get me to maintenance.

    My son is at college, desperately trying to do well, is left to cope with certain scenes and knowledge and missed out on many extra-curricular routines because of his ‘father’s’ conduct. He was also bullied at two of his schools which I had to take him out of and a regular (but small) contribution from his father would have helped.

    Many men will not pay maintenance because they feel that it, however little, might just contribute to the woman’s advancement. It’s never about the mothers; just the children – and quite rightly so!

  2. chall on February 21st, 2012 9:44 am

    Quote Lloyds; the csa asking for money, I dont mind paying at all but why should i when she is no longer in full time education?

    If Child benefit is still being paid, child support will also be required, this link may help http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/childbenefit/keep-up-to-date/when-child-aged-16/leave-education.htm

    Quote Lloyds; I have asked the college for a report on her course work ,ie, whats she is studying and when, but as i am not on the birth cert i have no right..

    This is a position many non resident parents find themselves. Att 16 years old the child’s rights kick in and regardless of whether your on the birth certificate or not, the school are not obliged to give you the information.

    chall ~ afairercsaforall

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