CSA forced me to sell my house to pay them money

May 12, 2011

My ex left with my children, she was having an affair, she took every thing from the house and took the car I purchased for her two weeks earlier. She went to live in a house she got a mortgage for, but she moved in with me and rented out her house. I was devastated, she had tenants in her house for 12yrs, she had to give them 6 months notice to leave, what a b**ch she planned all of it!

She demanded I paid her £900 a month or CSA would be involved, I would then pay more, if I did not pay up, she would stop me from seeing the children, I never married her and I was told there was nothing I could do.

I worked 12 hour shifts, days, nights, I had my children staying with me as much as possible, staying at night while ex went out. I love my children, I was being used but ignored it as I got to be with my children.

Two years later, I met some one, we got on great, 6 months later she moved in. My ex started refusing me to see my children, then CSA struck! She claimed I never paid her and she first went to them 2yrs previous so I would have to pay her, I could not prove I paid her cash! What an idiot ive been.

It took CSA 2yrs to sort out payments, they told me to pay her nothing as they would sort it, another mistake! I collected my wage slip, CSA had taken my money, my partner phoned them, we had not received any letters so they gave me the money back 3 days later. Four months later they took it again, no letter, they gave it back! It turns out they sent ALL information to my now partners previous address, she had not lived there for 10yrs, moved twice since, and I never knew her then.

So, now its 4yrs arrears.

It was killing me to pay but I did, then my partner ended up raising 2 grandchildren, I did more over time, ex told CSA so I did more, CSA were informed again.

We were getting into dept, CSA forced me to sell our home with a loss of £22000 for a quick sale, otherwise they would take my wages, I would lose my home for sure. We ended up in a caravan, then ss forced us to rent a house, now im in dept, my partner and children have suffered, all I wanted was to be a good father, 2 of my children refuse to see me unless I get rid of my girlfriend and children. What poison has my ex fed them

I can not afford to rent my house, can never buy my own home. Not all women are bad, same with men. I have an amazing girlfriend who has helped me see it through!

Don’t think of what material things you have lost, its nothing compared to children, I still do not see 2 of mine, but that is their choice! Im glad I would never lower my self to her standard.


  • lyn says:

    Joseph, your story is exactly like ours. My partner was paying his maintenance and all was going ok until I came into his life and his ex wife started to get akward.

    She claimed he was not paying her enough and they calculated his money back 5 years. Solicitors and MP’s couldnt help and like you they took our home in March to pay £29,000 so called debt.

    To be honest he is happy now they have taken his one and only asset. Like you say this is only bricks and mortar so good luck to his ex wife with the money but she will never get the most important thing and thats my partner as he is the most wonderful man in the world. Also like you his he does not see his children now and simular to you its their choice. They are 14, 16 & 18 and they also were only interested in the money and what phones, computers, games they could buy out of their Father loosing his home.

  • lou says:

    your story is sickening but there is a flip side , my partner had an affair and left me with 2 small children , that was 14 years ago ,ive always worked and given them the best i can which isnt a lot but they are happy.my ex has never paid a penny ,i even offered him the option of providing clothes for them if i made sure their other needs are met,he refused as he has 3 new children and a partner who refuses to let my 2 children into her home,he now owes £60 grand+ and i dont hold out any hope of ever seeing a single penny , its the children who suffer when you get either a greedy parent with care or a spineless non-resident parent , thankfully i now have a wonderfull partner who helps me raise my children and they are not missing out

  • Joseph says:

    On flip side for us, is the fact my partner left an abusive marriage after 21 yrs, she took her two children as that was what the children wanted. She worked 12 hour shifts, ex husband would not have his children so she drastically reduced her working hours. She claimed tax credits and working tax credits, she did not want to stay at home waiting for hand outs. One day she went to the bank to find she had not been paid her tax credits, it took two weeks to find out why, she was sent a letter stating she was not entitled and owed £6,540.00 she complained bitterly to no avail, as usual there was a back log, 3 months later she found her self in court, she was unable to pay her rent, there was only enough money for food, electric and gas. The judge did not care what the situation was “pay up”. She contacted CSA as soon as she left the marriage, she went to him direct, he did not care as 4 weeks after she left he moved in another woman. The bailiffs seized her furniture, in the mean time she was frantically contacting CSA and the tax credits office to no avail, she lost her home and was put into a hostel. 2 years later tax credits finally acknowledged their error, in fact they owed her, they said she was not entitled as some one had printed an error stating she earned £150,150,15.00, the tax credits paid her £3,000 They owed her, no sorry, no compensation, she used the money to rent a new home. We met 3yrs later, she moved in with me. She continued contacting CSA and 2 yrs later they finally realised that for 5yrs they say they had a problem with her case and the computer, they were sorry but as they had not contacted her ex husband, they could not give her the money she should of had, by this time, their youngest was 3 months off being 19yrs old, all she got was two months maintenance, 2 years later CSA contacted her and said there was another mistake, he still owes 1 month, he refused to pay, now 7months later the CSA are taking it from his wages.
    Some get every thing, some get nothing, it is not a fair system, giving up a quarter of my wage makes us well below the minimum wage, but tax credits dont take CSA maintenance into account.

    We just have to take what life throws at us…..

  • lisa-faye says:

    What I want to know is if I take this matter to court of human rights how many of you will stand with me? CSA are taking a quarter of my partners wages which takes us below poverty line whilst his ex lives the high life she has just bought a house enjoys holidays and goes out most wends, my partner has always paid her until 10 wks ago she moved and refuses to say where she lives as she knows if he don’t have his children then she gets more money. His youngest son as been told during every relationship she has had since that the new man is the Dad unless its end of mth and she wants maintenance of course.
    We now have a daughter together who is now going without in order to keep his ex in false nails and beer. she spends an hour a day with children has child care paid for and send them with a jam sandwich pkt crisp and juice to school so what is this extra money going on?
    We have been left minus £200 pm which gives us no choice but to live separately as the state will pay for my rent council tax etc as am suffering from an ongoing illness. we dont want to do this but are left with no choice
    Surely Human rights should come in somewhere
    the human rights of my child to be just as important as her brothers shes entitled to £18pw where as his sons with his ex are entitled to £36 each pw
    his Ex made the choice to take his children and go from man to man and split up the family home, me and my partner have decided to split up in order to live. I have spoken to MP who agrees this is not right nore fair and courts should be put back in charge and each case judged individually.

  • Joseph says:

    Hi Lisa-Faye

    Yes I would stand beside you if I could, but I would never be able to afford to take the matter to court, or to see a solicitor in the first place. We are £2 above the low income, cannot get child tax credit as the government lowered this. We pay a quarter of our income to my partners ex for CSA, this makes us well below the low income, but ‘no one’ will take this into consideration, which means CSA take his children out of poverty, CSA put mine in poverty. So a big THANKYOU to the government in turning your back on my children. I raise them by court order (grandchildren) They lost their parents, aunts, uncles, cousins. They lost their home, they then came to what I thought was a ‘home’ where they would grow up in, how wrong was I? As soon as the children came, good old ex got jealous and went to CSA, telling them he had not paid, she told them in all the past 5yrs his children never slept at our home, although they were here 5 times a week, while his ex went out partying! The aggravation and stress she put us through, harassing us, forcing entry into our home, smirking as she stood there, just to see how nice our home was. Police did ‘nothing’ she continued to harass us with demeaning letters. Then I had to tell the children they had to leave their safe home. We lived in a caravan, waiting for our new home, the owners pulled out of the sale. We could not get a mortgage after as the rates changed due to us not having a mortgage, we then purchased a static, our only option at the time. We lived in a 6 birth, 2 bedrooms, my partner, daughter (17) grandchildren (4) (5) 1 dog and 2 cats.As the grandchildren were with me on a court order, SS forced us to rent a home, putting us further into debt, we sold the static, lost thousands, made off our dept! We are now in a house we cant call ‘home’ its rented, cant afford to decorate, go out, take the children out, have my hair done, all these luxuries. His ex shops every chance she gets to buy expensive bags, shoes, clothes, she does the same for her 2 young children, they go to dance lessons, music lessons, cinema, ice skating. I don’t deny any child a life, but I do get annoyed at the children who don’t get the chance!
    All I can say is the government seem hell bent on putting ‘the other’ family in poverty and they don’t even care. Funny, a murderer has ‘human rights’ children are said to have rights and will be listened to, where does this happen for children in the so called ‘second family’? I was told by CSA my partners children ‘come first’ as they were here first! OMG! Apparently, if his children were still living with him, they would of benefited from his over time, there for, they are entitled to a quarter of that too! Well, they don’t live with us, she took them, she had the affairs, where is the justice in that!

    So how do we stick together and take it to court? its always about money 🙁

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