CSA don’t give a damn about our expenses
I am the partner of someone who has three children, his youngest he has on shared residency and is currently going through a divorce with her mother. The other two are with women who were both told they would not be able to have children. Following the break down of these relationships the malicious women, after getting the one thing they thought they could never have, cut off all contact with him and his family. One even moved away and tried to change his sons name with no notice to my partner. He gave them both the houses they were living in, provided substantial amounts of money and his parents also paid off debts of one of the women. £8k is still owing to him and his parents. They wrote to him saying they wanted nothing from him and he was to have no contact with his children.
He has tried to make further payments to these greedy, souless people and been turned away every time. Now 13 years later for his oldest and 3 years later for his middle child, he has received communication stating that he will be paying up to £100 pounds a week, the lovely bloodsuckers at the CSA have told him they are taking into account that his last two pay slips had a large amount of overtime and call out payments and that is what his deductions will be based on, these are not guaranteed income and was done to provide for his youngests birthday and christmas. We have called the CSA to explain this and that it will not leave us enough money to pay for the rent, electricity, gas, council tax and food bills. They dont give a damn, told this was not taken into account and the fact that he has another child living with him 3 1/2 days a week also makes no difference. Where is the sense in forcing a man who has tried to pay for his children, tried to have contact with his children to leave his job and start claiming benefits just so he can afford to live?
Just because these women, and, as speaking as a female myself, alot of others out there are spitefull, greedy and wish to have their cake and eat it so to speak. As far as I am concerned, if you, as a Mother decide to prevent the Father any access merely through spite, and state that you do not want anything from him or any contact with him, thats is what you stick to. Some fathers, are awful but the majority of women on here sound just as bitter as my partners exes and should really learn not to tar every man with the same brush!!! Most Fathers get a really hard time in my experience and THAT is what needs to be changed. Cases need to be assessed on an individual basis and not just marked as same as all the rest. We have now put this in the hands of a solicitor as we have documantation from the mothers agreeing that they have had sufficient monies/property/cars and any claims would be agreed in person. We will be also fighting in court for access to both the children, and as a qualified nursery nurse, have worries that this will do more damage to the children involved.
But if this is something that those selfish women wish to put the children through, hopefully oneday the children will see what their “mothers” really are.
Rant over but please, to the bitter women out there, don’t tar every male with the same brush, some are good guys trying to do right by their children and hitting obstacles at every turn.
35 thoughts on “CSA don’t give a damn about our expenses”
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I can understand ur not happy maybe ur husband should stop overtime and ask for re assesment the problem these days is men seem to forget condom were invented you cannot blame the women for going to the csa if the dad is not supporting the child! There is a protective earning level in place also most women want a good life for childrem so pipe down if u were the parent with child ud do same
I know how it feels, i am a mother. the csa have made my life hell for the last 7 years. my daughter lives with her dad and he uses the csa because its the only thing he got to upset me. he stopped me seeing my kid, threatend to have me killed and has got where he is through lies and being manipultive. the csa took my whole weeks wage 2 times, have had periods of being left with 111 pound a week to run a house and car, the csa told me that my rent etc doesnt matter as long as i pay them, i used to do overtime to try and have money and the csa would take it off me, i had offered to pay her dad by direct debit every week but he would pretend to cancel the csa. he knows they suck the life out of ppl and he enjoys it.
i have had a son with someone else, hes now 4 and i have a baby on the way, i so i dont pay csa right now because my partner keeps me, i really loved working until the leeches came and now i just feel like i will never be able to get a job again. i feel like i have a giant foot on my head called csa and they are pushing my head under water and im struggling to keep it above. sorry for rubbish spelling.
@Leigh
I blame when you know what actually happened during the relationship!! Please do not tell me to pipe down when you do not know the facts! How can you say that a Mother who states she wants nothing to do with the Father, moves that child away with no contact details left and tries to change the childs name is entitled to chasing anything?? She made her choice when she moved away as far as I am concerned, the other Mother has made it almost impossible for my partner to have any contact with his oldest daughter, he did all he could, gave them houses, cars and money which they sold to fund their own lifestyles, namely alcohol, one taking out loans to pay for her drinking habit……….. how is it fair for my partner to now have to pay more money out so they can carry on their party lifestyles??? Neither of these women are putting their children first and thats what my issue is! My partner is not saying he won’t pay for his children, but the CSA must see that some of their assessments are totally unfair! How can it be fair that they don’t take into consideration any living costs??? So we go homeless so these women can drink?? Sod that!!
@Kerry, I feel for you, its good to from another female who is NOT all about women are so hard done to by the NR father. Sometimes its the other way and yet again it appears that your ex is using the CSA as a weapon which is exactly what my partners exes are doing.
Well u need to suck it up and pay as moaning on here isn’t gonna change a thing if she was as bad as u say she is I’m sure them children wouldn’t be in her care if they took all living cost into account then that would open a tin of worms?
People think they been hard done by but they made the children 15 percent is nothing
Ha! Thats nothing!!
thanks to the csa there are two 2nd class children in our family. After ‘the ex’ deceided io involve the csa- there was a private agreement in place which worked well- I’m buffeled how they actually calculate maintenance. The ‘better child’ in question is 17 and doing some sort of part-tme college course and has a part-time job- obviously he does not live whith us and obviously we still have to pay maintenence. AND here it comes: the 17 year old is entitled to £12 more than the children we have together- a 1year old and a 7 year old. So my childrens ‘allowence’ is far less than… well you get the picture!
Speaking as a NRP who while married to my ex, planned our child with the now PWC. How else was i supposed to be a dad if i didnt take the condom off leigh? NRP dads do get a shit deal in this country when it comes to access. No judge has the balls to throw a female PWC who flouts a court order out of spite into jail. And until that changes, spiteful PWCs will always have the upper hand. Leigh doesnt seem to think that 15% of a persons nett income is much to pay for a child that is no longer living with the NRP. From that statement i can only deduce that Leigh either doesnt have to pay out maintenence to a resnetful spiteful ex. OR, the ex she is getting cash from is either on a low income or on the dole. Lets not forget here, that on top of any maintenance paid by a PWC, the NRP also gets child benefit and child tax credit on top to the tune of another £80 a week. And if the PWC isnt working they also get income support/JSA for themselves depending on the childs age plus rent and council tax allowances. All free from tax!
Is it any wonder an unemployed PWC isnt willing to have shared custody of a child when it means that what they get paid gets reduced by 1/7th for each night per week that the child isnt resident under their roof. Where is the incentive for the spiteful PWC to do the right thing by their children? There isnt an incentive! And just as food for thought. How is it that an 18yo child still in full time education can attract £80 a week in child tax credit and child benefit plus maintenance to the PWC, yet once they turn 19 and leave college, if not in employment can ony get £55 a week JSA for themselves.Whats changed financially apart from a birthday? What living costs does an unemployed PWC have to endure when they get free school meals for their kids, free prescriptions when they or their kids are ill etc.when their biggest outgoings are already paid for by the tax payer? i.e council tax and rent. Fathers rarely get custody of children through the courts unless either the mother voluntarily gives up those rights or they are proven to be incompetent. Easier said than done. Does that mean the NRP dad isnt fit to be a full time parent? In most cases of those that actually want to do the right thing by their kids, i would say no! I wish the writer of the original blog well in their quest for justice through the British court system, although sadly the way things are, i wouldnt be holding my breath in anticipation!
@Leigh
Obviously you are one of the bitter ones I spoke about in my first post. Totally blinkered and think everything is black and white with no grey?? Am I close?? So if what you are saying is right, these women who stop their exes from seeing their children out of bitterness, jealousy and downright spitefulness should get everything while a hardworking man, who WANTS to have access to his children and pay his own way is looking at becoming hommeless and having to quit his job as he can’t afford to live and keep a roof over his childs head?? If thats right and fair then I am seriously living in the wrong country and it seems that you and countless others have no morales or standards that get any higher than the gutter. Wow, you really have a huge chip on your shoulder about something don’t you? Its women like you who give the rest of us a bad name and if you can’t see two sides to every story, do us all a favour and shut the f**k up!!!
SUCK THAT UP!!!!
Marry me Kate! lol. Its so good to see woman putting one of these spiteful nasty PWC in their place. It restores my faith in women again x
Haha I get 384 pounds a month maintenance from my ex for my son so he’s not a dole bum and has been paying for few years no problem I have not used my son as a weapon I never would as his we being is of importance I work full time and not a couch bum either I just get critical when I read about other men moaning and the new girlfriends re grudging payment
Loving how they say re grudge paying for lifestyles and not going on kids! Are the kids starving?! Walking round no clothes! Freezing cold cause no heating and living in dark as no electric? If they were so bad y haven’t u got custody!
I do not get extra 80 pounds I get the 20 pounds child benifit as I’m working we pay full morgage n council tax so the money we receive goes to ensuring my son has the same as any other child! Also people who have 3 children and are payin child support to another child get child benifit and tax credits!! Unless they on good income! if my ex had another family I would expect him to support his child FACT
Also kate I won’t shut up I’m entitled to my opinion! Any man who quits his job will realise hed be worse off
I have no reason to be bitter my point was pay for your kids not every pow is a dole bum
@ Mick
You made my partner laugh with that comment, it drives me mad when women think they can do what they like and still come off better off. Makes my blood boil to be honest, it takes two to tango and all that so why should one person be living a fully paid for life style while the NRP (through no fault of their own) has to struggle every month just to pay the rent, let alone the council tax and bills. Maybe I am only one of a few women who has a conscience.
@Leigh
You seem to think that its just men who are the irresponsible ones, like I said to Mick, it takes two to Tango and these women in question are just greedy, lazy individuals who get off on making peoples lifes hell. How can it be right that we cannot even afford the rent after the CSA take the payments???? You really amaze me with your comments and to be perfectly honest, I for one will not be wasting my time and energy replying to the likes of you again. Open your eyes and see the real world, we would be far better off if we were claiming housing benefit, and other related benefits so get off your soap box for a moment and take a look at the other side! If you do have your sons wellbeing as a priority, good for you, there are plenty of women (and men) out there who see using their children as a pawn in a game is perfectly fine. When you can start to see the grey inbetween the black and white then I may have an adult conversation to you, but until then, in your words….. PIPE DOWN.
@ Mick
Forget to say, glad I could be of some help in restoring your faith and hopefully showing that not ALL women are bloodsucking leaches! Although it seems we are few and far between lol x
@Leigh
As Kates partner I have to echo her comments. I don’t normally engage in such forums due to the fact I find it quite pointless arguing a point with those not quite bright enough to see the bigger picture.
My eldest daughters mother (in 2001) was given a 95,000 house which had no mortgage. a 27,000 BMW. The entire contents of the family home aprox 35,000. All her child care was paid BY ME and she still had 500 per month on top. My sons mother had the house signed over to her that was worth 128,000 with only a 68,000 mortgage. during the first 6 months of my sons life she went through 3 vehicles. Total value over 15,000. All his child care paid (over 400 per month) plus another 250 to his mother. Again the entire contents of said home easily totaling over 30,000.
I continued to make additional payments to both until they disappeared, taking my children with them. I will not go into personal circumstances, however Kate has mentioned some issue with there lifestyles. My legal team are currently trying to trace any social services involvment as I type this.
Do the math and then tell me I am moaning about nothing. after doing the calculations if I quit my job I would only be 25 per month worse off to be at home with my youngest daughter everyday.
So actually both myself and my partner have the right to voice our anger about a system that favours greedy and bitter women. Who both played the major part in the breakdown of those relationships. Any person who uses a child as a eeapon for me is not fit to be a parent and are some of the lowest of the low and those children will not thank anyone for being used in such a manner.
Lastly its the system with the addition of spineless courts that is forcing people like myself to quit full time employment just so they can survive. Why should my little girl go with out because of two greedy work shy women can sit on their backsides getting drunk !!!!!! Having always been in full time employment and from working in an IT background and having earned over a 100,000 a year I’m sure as sugar not going to allow 20% of that to go to either of my ex’s after the amounts they have already had.
So I shall stick to the job I have for now. Its not well paid by any stretch but just about keeps the wolf from the door.
@Mick
I’m very lucky to have found someone who is, it appears, to be the exception from the rule. There are women out there who are not out just to screw their ex’s. To those men trying to avoid paying I hold in even more contempt the facts are if you have children you should pay for them BUT AT A FAIR rate.
Just on what my ex’s had at the time don’t be stupid enough to say we are just moaning AS ITS DAYLIGHT ROBBERY.
Try seeing both seeing both sides of the coin Leigh before making yourself quite frankly look rather silly.
Restoring the faith in women haha u having a laugh! If my child was taken off me to live wuth dad I’d be in every court demanding. Access or even having child live with me yet again I wouldn’t let my son go … Then u go and have more children unbelievable u moan about the hard ship ur new family is under my god take the money out of equation and then u will realise what a bad mother you are
@Joanne
If you are refering to me, I am not a Mother, try reading rather than jumping to conclusions. How dare you call me anything you ignorant silly girl!!!
@joanne,
I take it you did’nt bother to read your little rant before actually posting lol !!!!! Thats the funniest piece of poor english I have ever seen. I’d take your children from you just for that poor attempt at grammar. I do say that tongue in cheek.
Do you want to go back have a little think about what you want to say then actually read the other posts I think your refering to. And then if its not to difficult post something that is in some way understandable.
If not mindless ranting will also be fine x
@Joanne
Or should I call you Leigh??? Why post under two different names?? Something to hide or just another woman who loves to play games?
If you had any level of intelligence, you may think about using another email address instead of just changing your name!!!
So not only is your grammar appalling, you can’t be bothered to read posts (or do not have the understanding of what people say) and you have just proved yourself to be a game playing fraud!! lol You actually have amazed me yet again!!!! Big pat on the head for you!!
@Leigh
Or is it joanne I’m getting confused lol !!!!
“@joanne,
I take it you did’nt bother to read your little rant before actually posting lol !!!!! Thats the funniest piece of poor english I have ever seen. I’d take your children from you just for that poor attempt at grammar. I do say that tongue in cheek.
Do you want to go back have a little think about what you want to say then actually read the other posts I think your refering to. And then if its not to difficult post something that is in some way understandable.
If not mindless ranting will also be fine x”
Sorry this was actually my post as I forgot to change email details joanne, oh sorry Leigh or whoever you are playing at being.
That little stunt has just vindicated many of the male posters on this site. Well done grab yourself a chuffty badge for proving the point that some mothers are nothing but lying game players.
You have amazed even me and trust me thats quite a feat you have achieved.
To use the same email format also tells me your not to bright, jeez if I’d bred with you I’d be laughing. Again tongue in cheek as I’m sure you can see my irony with that wit and IQ of yours.
I think this has run its course now as we are both clearly debating on very different levels
x
I’m not bothered by ur comments guys as I know you will have to pay the csa lol no moaning gonna change it hahaha suck it up
@Leigh
Thank you, you have just made me laugh harder than I have in a long time. You have just shown again how you really don’t actually get what these comments are about do you??? The fact that people have to pay for their children is not the issue here, we WANT to pay for my partners children but its about the fairness that the payment is calculated. Now if you really want to continue being a stupid, ignorant, bitter and down right pathetic individual, keep going. You have shown on here that you have the intelligence of a slug and have no idea what anyone is talking about so keep showing your self up sweetheart. You are a cold, heartless person and in all honesty, I actually pity your ex, current partner and your children, because if they grow up like you, god help us. Thats even if you actually have children, you don’t seem to have the brains to even know how to read so maybe you are just a sad, lonely person who has nothing better to do than take pleasure out of everyone elses problems. Go try getting a life and living in the real world and maybe then you might just have something that is actually worth reading.
Just read all the post on here I guess leigh is wrong however kate you obviously have nothing better to do yourself writing what your writing my husband pays for his previous two children yes its a lot but that’s life no amount of whinging or getting stressed out is gonna make it any different at the end of day its the goverment who put these practises in place as so many nrp wouldn’t pay we could all say well let’s just jack in our jobs so they can’t touch us but what signal is that sending the children everybody forgets the children in all this they didn’t ask to be born did they so as the saying goes we make our bed we lie in it .. At least in ten years time your conscience is clear that we payed for them
Sorry but it appears that you are simply not actually fit to be a mother. If you were prepared to play such silly games on here I truely feel for the father(s) of your children.
Most of all I feel for your children. Its very poor and sad example your setting and it will come back to bite you. Facts actually if you fight the system there are plenty of ways around it but clearly someone with an IQ in single figures is going to stryggle with that.
I actually feel for you, what happen in your life that made you so twisted but trust me you will only hurt yourself in the end.
Truely sorry to have seen such an ugly side of motherhood.
Goodbye and wishing you all the best for the future, you really are going to need it.
Haha I’m not bothered as your rants and insults on here become nothing will still have to pay end of story and I’m loving you sticking up for the wicked witch of a step mother hahaha
joanne if you were refering to my post, when you said about courts access etc, then it was totally unnessesary to say stuff like that. i didn’t write on here to tell ppl why my daughter does not live with me, i wrote because i too have sufferd because of csa. I actually went through hell trying to get my kid back, i was 21, had no support. i went back to work early because her dad couldn’t be botherd to work and i had little choice, he was a stay at home dad for months and was classed as her main carer, she took his surname which went against me, by the time the court case came around she had lived with him and his mother too long and did not want to unsettle her. her dad also got where he is through lies. as for me having more kids, i am a fantastic mother thank you very much! what should ppl do? not have any more children when were not aloud to see the ones we have got, through spite. I would never keep my kids away from their father down to spite. Too many ppl using kids and csa as weapons, they are the ones who are rubbish parents.
@Leigh
lol thank you yet again, however, I was under the impression to be “wicked witch of a stepmother” as you say, you have to married to the childs father…………….. yet again, you have displayed your inability to read posts properly.
Please continue with your hilarious posts, it provides us with a great deal of entertainment in what is a stressful time.
@ Kerry
Well said, all your points are spot on x
Haha. Stressful time !! Haha and there’s no way he will get out of paying so you will live miserable suck it up them kids came before u so should be top priority
The post was not aimed at you kerry:and to be honest I’m not bothered about your reply as the only one your trying to convince is yourself! If my child was taking away by his dad I’d fight my hardest to get him back not be a breeding machine
Obviously you all blame the pwc but just remember who put the csa in place and why!! As so many people walk away not paying my partner has paid for his child from day one and the csa have been ok with us I guess we pay on time and don’t owe arrears so fingers crossed it will go ok I think all of you on this post should grow up leigh , kate and others you are all acting ur shoe size not age instead of arguing on here do something constructive I don’t moan every month when a chunk is taken out of our income Its not worth it at least my partner can sleep @ night knowin his child has been paid for I do not slag is ex off as I’m better than that and so should you be kate,. As one day it will bite u back what’s to say he won’t leave you
@tessa
Sorry just missed your post, I hardly think me posting on regarding the amount that my fiance has paid his exes is relevant to the matter. No one is objecting paying for the children but when it means he cannot afford to put a roof over his head, pay bills or feed the child is has joint access too, I feel the assessment is very wrong. Yes he has paid alot, more than he should have to these women, but he is happy to continue paying for them as long as it doesn’t affect his ability to provide for his child who he has joint residency of.
There are legal proceedings going ahead involving both of these women currently, and even his solicitor is astounded that his living expenses is not taken into account when deciding the amount he pays. That is my only point and the reason of my first post, Leigh has taken to malicious and nasty accusations and I have got angry about it. I see how much stress that my Fiance is under because of the CSA, it is making him ill and no one seems to give a damn. We have been advised to write to his local MP, which we will be doing (whether it makes any differeance) We are appealing the amount to be paid (NOT THE FACT HE HAS TO PAY LEIGH!!)
If people feel that the whole CSA issue, including everyone elses stories is fair and right, then I must be wrong, but leaving someone in a situation where they work all the hours god sends, and is still panicing about how to pay the bills and the rent, and the council tax etc is, in my opinion, hardly the way to go.
Please remember, these women have not worked since the children were born, have claimed benefits, get the tax credits and child benefit and are probably actually better off than we are before CSA even comes into the equation. Thats what needs to be looked at, and changed.
I have my own business, but it is an area that is affected by the recession, cakes are a luxury. I have applied for part time jobs, to enable me to look after my fiances daughter when he can’t, but as we all know, there is not alot of work out there. What else can we do?? We won’t be able to pay the rent and all the bills so please, all you women who have partners who pay what the CSA decide for their children, tell me how you keep a roof over your heads!!!
tessa and Janet,
On principle what you both say is correct. However how would you feel after leaving close on 200,000 in assests and still having the CSA chase. Having provided extensive support and because they cheated I moved on and that somehow upsets and creates an even bigger monster.
From what I have read on this page its clear why men like myself get a hard time. Women screw up then expect the world to carry them in my experience. I have more than provided for both of those children so how dare anyone of you attempt to take some kind of moral high ground or be downright sanctimonious.
Some men do not take reasponsibility. I DID. The points Kate has made are perfectly valid. By the way Tessa do you practice at being condecending and patronising or does it just come naturally. The air of your post clearly verged on the petulant and its undertone easy to see.
Janet clearly quite bitter. I left no body they cheated on me so please try not to be quite so judgemental poppet as you have clearly have a similar agenda to tessa that you have not tried to hide.
I don’t do forums for this reason, free speech means any idiot can shout rubbish.
Sorry for my attitude but just about sick of bitter, twisted, judgemental game players of which there are examples of all on this thread.
Well done for confirming my overall opinions of some mothers.
I sleep fine thanks two houses given away tend to help your conscience. lol
lol. fought like hell and you should of gatherd that if you had read my post correctly.
ps, she werent taken off me either, he took her away while i was at work! she is his weapon to use against me cause he only thinks of himself and not his daughter.
@ Drew and Kate
Drew, you really do seem to have a “good un” there! I take my hat off to you there matey. Spelling mistakes above intentional by the way lol. Leigh sounds just like my ex wife. A nasty illiterate piece of work with nothing better to do than shit stir in ALL of her spare time. I never avoided trying to pay for my daughter. In fact, the only reason the CSA got involved was because my ex kept using the CSA as a blackmail tool against me, despite that at the time i was actually giving her more than the CSA ended up taking from me in any case when they finally did get involved. It pissed on her flames so in revenge and out of pure spite i got cut out of my daughters life for over 3 years.
Kate, if ever Drew lets you down and becomes a waste of space, my offer still stands ok! Lol. That should keep him on his toes lol.