CSA demands are pushing me over the edge, I just can’t afford it

March 16, 2013

Please help me, I have already posted a message on here but can’t see it, My ex and his gf who my 15 yr old son now lives with earn about £90,000 between them , I earn £6,000 They are just swanning off on a 10 day holiday, and thou I have my son every other weekend, I can just about feed the two of us, and because I asked for some keep to help feed him and he said that because I wasn’t having him for a few weekend in April due to visiting relatives, it made us even, He showed the txt to my son who thou due this weekend won’t come and visit me now ‘cos I want money’ he had got the wrong end of the stick, and I am at my wits end, We were divorced a year last dec, but am still sorting out over the house, which is now nearly 3 years down the line .

I think that in the end my kids are better of if I wasn’t around, , after years of mental abuse at the hands of the ex, am still lacking in confidence and frightened I will have a breakdown, I am in such a mess, and he is just rubbing my nose in it that he can claim child benefit, he can claim csa which I have to pay £128 per month, which I really cannot afford, but as they take it straight from my wages, don’t get a look in, I have tried ringing them but they just are not interested, It’s not just fathers who are pushed to the brink of suicide, but mothers too, but they are just not read about, What can I do ?????


  • Dave says:

    If you’re only paid £6000 a year, your payments shouldn’t be £128 per month. I would suggest you make an officially complaint to the CSA and ask for a re-calculation of your payments as they appear to be wrong.
    You can also ask for a copy of your files under the freedom of Information act, but these will cost you £10. You could then go through the files yourself to see if there are any mistakes. If you cannot find any, then go to your MP.

  • Carrie says:

    Sorry to hear youre having such a hard time of it .Most NRP’s are be they fathers or mothers ,in your case.Please see your doctor who can find you somebody to talk to if you want to,it sounds like you are feeling depressed &who can blame you.Made all the more difficult by your sons attitude to you asking for a little bit of consideration.With out generalising too much I would say teenagers aren’t renown for thinking about things like this -they have a lot going on in their own minds Probably not helped by things they hear around them where he lives at the pwc’s.How can it be fair that the pwc has an income of £90,000 & yours is only £6,000!A lot of nrp’s find themselves in this position not having enough to do any thing or provide comfortable surroundings when your child comes to see you.We all want to give them a trip to the cinema but are barely left enough for food for them .This cant be right. I’m an nrpp so know whats its like managing on whats left after the csa take what they want(& we are fighting arrears they say we have by listening just to the pwc) Everybody deserves a second chance at a happy relationship ,so long as the children are paid for & included in the new relationship(if they want to be !) Not everybody is lucky enough to find that person first time !.Think it was better when the courts looked at individual cases & awarded accordingly.

  • carol says:

    OP, this is is, it doesnt matter about the gender of the PWC, because if you have a manipulative ex, who holds the child benefit card and residence order, then they are given free reign to carry on abusive behaviour by the CSA. And when that past relationship was an abusive one, the need to be able to move on from the exs control is even more a factor. But controlling abusive exs who are PWCs do not want their ex to move on. They dont want them having a life. As a woman in same boat as you OP, I can understand. Though you do have contact, whereas my ex I was lucky to get an hour here or there and disallowed contact at my home yadda yadda.

    The issue with your son will blow over, once you get to speak with him face to face, you can put your side of the story to him, from where you were coming from. Explain what the CSA are doing to you financially, and hopefully he will click that it his father doing this to you via the CSA. One day he will figure out his fathers manipulations and game playing.

    You may well have a breakdown, know only too well how these types of people can damage us deep deep within. Maybe you should just have that breakdown, heal and begin starting your life again, because that what it is…releasing all that hurt you bottle up just to make it to the next day. All that has to come out, but it needs to tbh. Not saying go for all them psycotropic drugs they seem keen to feed people on hard times, but certainly allow yourself to go through this, because bit by bit, you will begin to come through it, and regain your confidence. As much as I am not as far as I would like in my life, I am so proud of my lil self to be where I am today as compared to the introverted, insecure, self loathing mentally abused cast off my ex (the pwc) left me as. Unfortunately, we both will still never be quite free as they now control us through our children and the CSA. I pray every day for that to change.

    Remember, abusers rarely change, and if they do, its more like they just get worse.

    These bastards dont deserve us taking our own lives over them, but I do see why and the thought crosses my mind more times than I would like.

  • wilf says:

    Tracey:- £6000 p.a.= £115.38 p/w CM at reduced rate = £9 per week = £39 per month.
    You must be paying £89 per month arrears, call and ask for this to be reduced due to hardship.

  • Carrie says:

    Yes wilf .I didn’t think of that (having arrears.)It does seem very high for a low wage& if it took a while to sort out arrears could have built up.If your son’s 15 now you wont have a lot more time with the CSA(min less than a year,if he leaves school-max up to age 20(since 10/12/2012) if he stays in full time education.So,up to 4 years to go.It will go quickly if you focus on your life,be kind to yourself & TRY not to let it rule you!We have similar time to go !!(Not Easy I know ..believe me !)Come on here & find people in the same situation affected by the CSA, find pleasure in friends company,walks in our beautiful countryside, get out in the fresh air..simple pleasures like that- all still relatively free ! I’m sure as your son matures ,especially as he becomes a parent,(hopefully not too soon,tho’) he will realise what you have done for him. All the best C x

  • Jo says:

    If you are in arrears csa still cannot put you below that threshold….yes I know they do but by law they shouldn’t. You are paying too much, write to the csa with your concerns and see your mp to get your payments reduced. Also if you are feeling very low please see your dr and explain what is happening, our dr was very good and even wrote to the csa on my husbands behalf with what stress they were causing, but you must specify in your letter that if things don’t improve you will be seeking advice from your mp and to give your dr permisdion to act on your behalf.

    Im an nrpw and I can certainly vouch for what stress csa and pwc put on you, you are not alone….don’t give up and take control.

  • lisa says:

    As i just said this on another post, if your facing financial hardship the CSA are allowed to reduce payments especially in circumstances like this, suicide isnt an option please dont go down that road, it seems very cruel your ex can hold all the cards and you get whats left, if he is earning so much why would he want to claim, Child benefit shouldt be allowed either under new rules this year with household income over 40k, you want to report him for that, then complain

    CSA complaints free phone number 08007838527 You may have been phoning and complaining to the CSA for a long time getting nowhere use this guide and you will see how quickly they respond. Please do excuse if I repeat the steps I have done this for a good reason. 1.Complain and Appeal and get your MP involved EMAIL the complaint and appeal copy everyone in.
    2.Order your Data Prints by post and email.
    3.Email all and sundry use the email list and email them every couple of days to remind them.
    4.Not happy with data prints items missing Complain to ICO be sure to copy everyone in. [email protected]
    This is what you do immediately if you believe the CSA are taking too much from you! ■First thing you must do is make an official Complaint and Appeal *EMAIL THE COMPLAINT*and contact your MP and get them involved regarding your issues you are having with the CSA. Mention that you believe that they have made an Official Error. Ask the CSA for the decision to be set aside as they are not leaving you enough to live on and is going to cause you an injustice. This is based upon Regulation 55 of the Child Support Act (Maintenance Assessment Procedure) 1992 http://www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/1992/1813/made
    Attach a copy of ALL your outgoings, even the things the CSA don’t allow for. Email a copy to your MP and all of the others in the email list further below it should get passed straight to the chief executive’s office. It is very much more than likely that they will then find errors in your assessment going back several years and use that as an excuse to drop the payments. You can find who your MP is via here http://www.writetothem.com As you will be emailing many politicians, ministers, ICE, ombudsman, complaints team etc all at the same time as per the email list below your emails will more than likely be forwarded to your MP in anyway. or use their [email protected] for example [email protected] [email protected] or simply just Google your MP if you know who they are and you will find their email address on their website. This is the email distribution list you are going to use for your Official Complaint and Appeal. Your MP [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] BCC this email address: [email protected]
    Email all the above people tell them that your not taking this lying down, enough is enough, when is this ever going to stop, your allowed a life and since your ex has so much money he shouldt be expecting you to pay anything but a falt rate of 5 a week, please do this, see how quick thing change.

  • carol says:

    its easier said than done taking control, when the CSA take from your wages direct, and you get told its this amount or you get baliffs/jail/license revoked/passport seized. The CSA do not give a fig about you or your circumstances, or that you cannot afford to exist, let alone cover their fictious arrears.

    They put us all in financial hardship with or without arrears.

    I worked 6 hrs yesterday. Drove 35 miles, which was 55mins, around £12 petrol. £6 parking …well actually £7 because machine swallowed one of my £1 coins….did my shift, loved it, drove home for another 55mins very weary. Guess how much I will take home from that £45 I was paid for shift….£12.

    yes £12

    After NI/Tax, CSA, then the petrol and parking, that is what I am left with. Alice says that CSA view petrol over a certain amount as disposable income and that we should find work nearer. Er hello…I have been searching for jobs for 3 years and only just found this one. So my getting to work expenses are not calculated into the equation.

    we ARE controlled…thats why so many of us would rather die. TBH bring on the cancer….cant wait to leave this shithole palnet

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