CSA demands and no contact with kids for 12 years

November 29, 2011

17 years ago my wife at the time and I had our first child, a boy. 18 months later we had another boy. The marriage broke down around 1997. We went to court to sort out maintenaince and contact arrangements. I was granted at the time what was called “reasonable access” I had the boys every weekend for the day. A time I cherished. Then one day, I went to call to pick up the boys and they and the ex had moved. Not just from the flat they were in but from the town. No forwarding address was given, her family would not give me any details. I remarried in 1999.

I had a phone call from the CSA 2 years into the marriage(I don’t know how they got my number!) They told me that I had to start paying for the kids, a fact from day one I had never denied. However at this point I had not seen my boys for almost four years. SO I told the CSA to tell my ex that I would NOT pay unless I could see my kids as per the original arrangement. I was told that I could be sent to prison. I told them I would rather do that than let my ex keep my kids from me. She at this point was remarried and working, she was not claiming any benefits.

I also had another child with my second wife, a disabled girl with a severe genetic disorder, who took all my time and finances to look after her properly. My second marriage broke down through the stress of coping with a severely handicapped child and my wife didn’t want to be with me anymore. I moved back to my home town whilst working as an electricians mate, I worked on some residential flats for the elderly where I met the Wardens daughter. She later told me that she was the niece of my boys stepfather.

She had actually babysat for my kids. She told me that my youngest boy was an epileptic (a fact that shocked and ismayed me to found in such a manner), that my ex had told my children I had been in prison for something really bad. The truth is that I had worked as a prison officer for some 6 years!!! Imagine my horror, what must they think of me. Two years ago I managed to find my ex’s phone number and rang her. I was told quite pointedly that i was not welcome in their lives and that they had been a “happy” family for some time and to basically “Go away”.

I became unemployed through no fault of my own and had CSA deductions made from my JSA. I started a full time job eight weeks ago and now the CSA are demanding I send them 5 wage slips evidence of bills etc.

I have been NFA for that time and still am So I have no proof of outgoings, I feel betrayed by the system, that she can walk away with my kids, get remarried take a full time job and yet the CSA are still demanding payment, despite my eldest now being 17, and my youngest boy being 16. Neither of whom are in full time education. What am I to do. I feel cornered, and I know I will never get to know my kids because she stole them from me, god knows what they think of me and what she told them about me, it is horrific. it makes me shudder and is driving me through anger and depression.

I refuse to make payments for kids that were wilfully taken away from me. I would have always paid IF she had abided by the original contact agreement. I feel the law is an ass, and makes a mockery of fathers who through no fault of their own get removed from their kids by angry and spiteful ex’s.


  • janet says:

    I understand your point however you will need to pay arrears on account

  • A decent-woman says:

    understand his point however you will need to pay arrears on account!!!!

    What that guy must have been through, and you understand his point! Typical CSA loving woman!!!

  • janet says:

    Haha I was just stating that he has to pay the arrears lol are u a pwc or a bitter nrp girlfriend lol

  • A decent-woman says:

    I daren’t ask what you are ………. by the comments you make to people.

    I’m just a nice decent lady who would love to have enough cash to take the CSA on and bring it out into the open what a shambolic, corrupt load of parasites they really are who destroy the lives of decent hardworking people.

  • janet says:

    Lol I’m a pwc and nrp girlfriend and the csa is for the children you judge everybody and tar them with the same brush! If you pay the csa they don’t turn into what u class as parasites!! FACT! Its there for a reason love! To support the kids

  • A decent-woman says:

    If you pay the CSA they have got you by the short and curlies they will make up ficticious arrears and sting you to make up for the shortfall for the ones they cannot catch up with, with no explanation as to how they came to their conclusion (purely because they don’t actually know)

    Many posts on here are about fictitious arrears.

    How can anybody on here say the CSA are not parasities …. do you work for them or do you have shares in them?

    CSA here to support! I’ve heard it all now!! Many women do not receive the money that is collected, many women are chasing the CSA daily even when they know the ex NRP has had their wage violated by the CSA.

    I do not judge everyone and tar them with the same brush there are many decent and dispicable men and women. Its the CSA that are the issue!

  • janet says:

    Most of the stories on here are about men who don’t pay for years then when they do catch up with them they have arrears

  • A decent-woman says:

    Some are but most are about NRP’s who have been screwed by the CSA one way or another. Not everyone has years and years of arrears, some are more recent cases where the woman got greedy and thought she could get more by involving the CSA (quite often they end up with less – in our case that is what happened).

    The CSA are in the process now of collecting ridiculous arrears (granted some are genuine with a “little” extra added on for good measure) and some are not genuine at all. If the CSA have a DEO in place they will from time to time add some extra ficitious arrears on to make up for the short fall of those who they cannot catch up with.

    My husband changed jobs, they still will not acknowledge that the final payment was taken from his wage by DEO even though his company have written to verify that they paid it to the CSA. The company have even provided a statement of all of the payments they made to the CSA . I have sent them payslips to verify that the monies were taken. The missing payment was added on as arrears. They to this day will not acknowlege this fact. The monies just went into their coffers, along with everyone elses “lost” payments.

    More recently more ficiticious arrears occurred bear in mind my husband has never missed a payment (you cannot miss a payment with a DEO) but yet within the space of 2 weeks was suddenly £1,000 in arrears the amounts went up with each letter which came within days of the last letter (they are better than loan sharks) .

    We were granted a deduction (backdated because they were so slow to sort it) as he has his daughter over the 52 days a year threshhold, then we never received the backdated amount – again “lost” in the coffers of the CSA.

    I have a file of letters all sent by recorded delivery (I learnt fast), if they responded at all it was to talk about a totally different matter and to try and confuse us even more. No explanation has ever been given for the imaginary arrears or for the deduction for his daughter.

  • Robert says:


    So what recourse is there for my ex who has deliberately and wilfully made sure that I will never know my kids, and they will always hate me for things she has told them about me that I have never done. She just gets on with her merry life, while I have suffered years of depression and anger, because I WANTED to see my kids and WANTED to pay the appropriate maintainence. It’s no wonder fathers are topping themselves when all people can see is “This is your problem, your the absent father YOU WILL PAY” I am not absent, I never wanted to be away. So, the CSA sees Black and white….. Just like you.
    There is NO JUSTICE for fathers in my situation, NONE. I have lost my kids and my financial ability to look after myself thanks to a spiteful woman who had no feelings about how this would effect me or them in the future. Why the hell should I pay arrears for my kids when we we’re bound by an agreement for me to be part of their lives? If that agreement had been met I would have ALWAYS PAID!!!! So don’t tell me that I have to pay, because I have been Paying from the day she took them away from me. Not just ion money, but in every sense. I can never lead a normal life ever….. Ponder that for a moment, have some empathy.

  • janet says:

    Always hard done by!? If you want to see your kids you move heaven and earth to see them go back to the courts pay what your suppose to and then one day they will realise that the ex was playing evil games!

  • indy says:

    I feel for the guy. I’m in a position where I’ve always paid csa and have been to court 17 time to enforce my contact order. It’s still not being complied with my the mother and I don’t have the money to go back to court – it’s cost me over £150k over the last 5 years as I don’t get legal aid unlike the mother. Why should I have to pay csa when I can’t see my son. I’m a dad first not just a bank. Unfortunately the legal system doesn’t care and nor do the politicians. I now face a choice, give up my son or my work. Not a choice I want to make.

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