CSA cannot find my ex even though they have his address
I received a letter today saying that my ex has been overpaying me (even though he hasn’t paid a penny for 6 years) and that they are going to reduce the amount??? When I contacted them they say they can’t find him – even though I have given them his address, the address of the place he works (cash in hand), a contact telephone number etc etc – they still can’t seem to catch up with the slippery creature.
I think of it like this – he has been given every opportunity to be a part of his childrens lives and constantly let them down – the money was never an issue as I just wanted him to be a good dad. He has to live with this and one day I am sure he will be full of remorse (even if he doesn’t admit it) at how he has lost out on 2 wonderful children.
My consolation is that I have put myself through uni and now got a well paid job, met and married a wonderful man (yes there are still a few out there 🙂 ) who loves my children to pieces and own my own home.
However, the ex does not pay tax or national insurance therefore he has no right to a full pension in later life – so in the end he has cut off his nose to spite his face and will ultimately experience what it is like to be denied money that you should be entitled to!
The CSA have always been very polite – but absolutley useless. I do feel that they should focus more on the people that avoid paying, and maybe go a bit easier on the people that are more than willing to support their children and want to be a part of their lives. My own father had to pay my mum £800 a month for my brother (who my dad saw at every possible opportunity), which I think is extortionate – nobody spends that much on a child per month! Also my husband pays for his son through the CSA and they wanted to know all MY income details!! I calmly explained to them that as soon as I was provided with the last 6 years of arrears that my ex had accumulated I would be more than happy to provide the details – and until then “I am very sorry but I can’t seem to locate them” hmmm sound fsamiliar 😉 But hey ho this seems to be the way the system is set up. Peace of mind is a great thing and as they say “what goes around, comes around”
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Hi Jenny,
Just wanted to say well done in supporting your childen and putting yourself through uni and working hard to be a good mum. From what i have been reading on this site, there are bad/good mums and bad/good dads.
I am a father of 9 year old twins. Their mother and i were going out for 8 months when i came home from work one day and she told me she was pregnant. I had always been careful with previous partners and so this came as a shock as im not really a kid person but i know it takes two to tangle. The mother is 6 years older than me and was 32 at the time. We bought a house together but it never worked out as she went a bit crazy and blamed me for everything and anything.
I moved out of the house and she stopped me from seeing the kids. She knew the only way she could get to me is stopping me from seeing them. She went through the CSA and im now paying a hefty amount. Shes the most bitter and evil person ever but i dont doubt her ability as a good mother. I have spent so much money on sols fees trying to get access to my kids and an agreement was put in place that i could have them for 4 hours every 2nd weekend.
I have always regretted the day i met her but i will never ever regret having my kids. I just feel that the CSA need to take a good look at both sides, mother & father and work in tandem with the courts and be able to come to an agreement that suits both parties. Take into account the fathers/mothers income and access at a reasonable level and not the ridiculous levels we hear about. If anyone doesnt want to support their child for whatever reason, then they are the ones who should be hit the heaviest. This may make some fathers take more of an active role. I feel sorry for dads though who have to pay a fortune and dont see their kids, likewise for mothers who want the dads to see kids but dont get any support.
I wanted to sign the house over to her and take my name of the mortgage but the bank wont let her take it on herself. She started to panic as she thought i had the upper hand and was going to take the house from her but i would never take my kids home from them. She thanked me for this but STILL she doesnt let me see the kids overnight or for a full weekend and even my kids wonder why they cant stay overnight.
She has used them against me ever since we split up and i cant wait for a few years time when the kids can actually make their own choices regarding heir dad.
I am now married and have just bought a new house. My wife is wanting to start a family and all i want is for my kids to be a part of this. I dont want them thinking that their dad wants nothing to do with them and has moved on because nothing can be more further from the truth!!
Joey