CSA bullying me, I need advice and help

February 28, 2012

Hello there, I require advice and possibly your help. I have recently been contacted by the CSA and been re-assessed on my payments to my ex wife for my 12yr old son. I split from my wife approx 10yrs ago and in August of 2003 my ex-wife filed for csa payments. I have always paid, 6 yrs ago I remarried and we had a daughter who is now 4. Approx 2yrs ago I relocated to London from sheffield, My ex wife has stopped all contact with me and my son i have continually tried to see him but she has not allowed it for the past 4 yrs ( since my daughter with my second wife was born).

It is a very long story, I’d prefer to explain in more detail in person, The point of this is that they have now requested I pay over £300per month. I cannot afford this large payment per month when i earn only £2000 per month with a £1250 rent per month in addition to all my bills, £180 council tax etc and general living costs for the welfare of my 4 yr old daughter and my wife. I know for a fact that my exwife who has also remarried has a joint income of around £80,000 per annum, she does not need this money she is just being very spiteful, vindictive and evil. Please I am in a very desperate situation, my relationship with my wife is very strained, i am sick with worry and feel this is very very unfair.

my life is hard enough on just 1 wage, (my wife does not work, she cares for our daughter)we live day to day, I am not even allowed to see my son, through no fault or choice of my own, (my ex-wifes decision). I need to speak to someone asap to assist me in sorting this out.I am thinking about giving up my job as i cannot afford to part with such a large payment to csa and knowing full well, that money will not even be spent on my son. A son who I cannot see and who I gave up everything for as my ex-wife threatened to take him away when our marriage ended. Since then she has chosen when I get to see him at her convenience, even changed his name, which I am sure I did not consent to and now the last 4 yrs has allowed me NO contact what so ever with him but every birthday and xmas she dictates what I MUST buy him, xmas just gone DEC 2011, I paid for a £400 laptop.

Please please can someone give me some legal advice in appealing this decision. I repeat I have never not paid and am not avoiding payment but I physically cannot afford this and it is going to affect the care of my daughter who lives with me.


  • chall says:


    As you have stated the CSA have been involved since Aug 2003, I’m sure you were/are aware that under the current CSA scheme the calculation is based on your income and does not include your housing costs etc,

    As your daughter is residing in your household you should receive a 15% reduction for her prior to your sons maintenance being calculated.

    chall ~ afairercsaforall

  • excityboy says:

    Sounds like your ex is just like mine. A couple of points though, my salary is £116 more than yours but the circumstances are the same and I only pay £260. I pay into a private pension but only £70 a month and I’m sure the reduction for this wouldn’t be £40. Have you declared your new addition to the family? If you haven’t, do it now! and your pension too if you have one.

    The other side to your story is a difficult one. In my case my ex made it really hard with my son and did exactly what yours does. In the end I had to make a choice and I chose my new family. I couldn’t see my son so I refused to be blackmailed and stopped all additional financial support including gifts.

    After all, my son will be an adult one day and will hopefully see his mum for the poisonous bitch she is and maybe get back in touch. If he doesn’t then that’s ok too because I wont have wasted my time and made life harder for the family I have now.

    The way I see it is this. If a child is being used as a weapon then you cannot win. The only thing you can do is retreat and get on with your life. You never know who might come back into it later on.

    Don’t know if this helps

  • Bri says:

    I agree with excityboy you have to stop and decide at what point do you NOT let the CSA destroy everything and make meeting their targets easy.

    I too gave up and won’t bother with my son, the system is so against my natural instinct with a nasty ex who is hell bent on funding her lifestyle while using the child is used as an emotional beating stick.

    Wish people would stop throwing money at family courts etc pure waste.

  • Charlotte says:

    As far as I am aware if you get a solicitor to write a letter to your ex wife asking for visitation rights and a response within 30 days back to the solicitor and she denies you access in writing then you do not have to pay, worth a try. Although you are employed? if you take all of your accounts for the past couple of years to an accountant and get them to devise a spreadsheet with all incoming and outgoings (and maybe lose a little bit of money for you?) then CSA will have to revise what you pay, I only know this through someone that is a company owner who has his accountant lose practically all of his incomings to expenses etc and he pays £50 every 2-3 months, although he has a yearly income of between £50k – £150k.

  • excityboy says:


    You cannot avoid paying if you are employed. Only the self employed have the luxury of falsifying their incomes.

    An accountant cannot alter what has gone through PAYE. The CSA work on 15% of your net Salary for one child. Deductions for children living with you and pension repayments will be made but that’s it.

    Trying to prove you cannot afford the payments required when you are employed and on a Salary is futile. Just make sure that the calculated amount is correct and knuckle down. Reduce your outgoings as much as possible, stop fighting the selfish ungrateful bitch, pay and walk away.

    Believe me, you will keep your Sanity this way and your new family.

  • Elaine says:

    The CSA will lie, cheat and make it up as thEy go aong. They have a list of rules they must follow and yet they break every single one of their own rulesm. My partner has been drained by them and suffers. Fromdepression in the end he had to stop working becuse they wanted more than he was earning. Their rules say they cannot make yu sell the home you live in yet they put a charge on his home and he had to sell. They also so they are not allowed to take more than 40% of your earnings yet they were taking almost 75%…. However rather than giving up my partner emails them every day, telephone calls them every day, has his MP looking into it…. They drive him to distraction but he will argue and stand up to them every time. He doesn’t even get to see his daughter and paid for her long beFore the CSA were involved and when he showed his payments the CSA said those previous payments were simply gifts….. They are the most incompetant And Corrupt institution I have ever known nd the government should be ashamed of them !!!!!!!

  • steve says:

    I Agree with Elaine, According to this corrupt organisation i owe 22k which i have a order on the house but its in negative equity, they wanted me to pay back the 22k in 2 years?? so i ended up in court with the csa at my request they were quiet shocked to see me there.
    The judge listed to me and then the muppets, i was kind and polite all through and the judge agreed with me that it was impossible for me to repay this back over 2 years as i only earned around £1100 per month so the judge sided with me , i pay £100 a month to these robbing Bas****s and i have durham legal services working on my case too and i still belive i do not owe this much! these parasites have made me ill before i was a healthy male 12stone when these idiots got involved i went down to 7 stone as they bullied me and slowly destroyed me then i woke up one morning and said no more. the latest with these idiots is have got a letter stating i had another child born in 2002 i said your wrong i didnt know the person so had the DNA it came back negative and now yesterday i have been informed im to be interveiwd by there fraud team DONT THEY GIVE UP!! makes me sick they are pathetic!!! , the CSA need to be investigated and shut down ASAP as they have ruined my relationship with my first 2 childred who are now 15 and 13 i never see them now and it hurts thanks to the mother and csa, i also blame them for the break down of my second marriage 4 years ago and having adopted a little boy they have moved 200miles away and its hard for me too see him,because of the money situation left by these pillocks, im now in another relationship with another partner had she gave us a beautiful 8 month old girl and im now worrying that this will fail as these robbers start to suck me dry again, i would love to sue them for ruiening my life etc human rights? for a good standard of living , ive seen some cases where the bums on JSA and have no intention of working with 4 kids are earning more money than the decent hard working man/woman.
    MR CAMRON HAVE THE BALLS TO ADMIT THE CSA IS A FAILURE!! AND CLOSE IT DOWN!! ho yea thats right i forgot you dont have the balls!!

    Folks dont let these parasites get you down thats what they want be strong seek advice and NEVER PHONE THEM ALWAYS WRITE TO THEM AND POST RECORDED

  • Dave says:

    The CSA are a joke. I am in the process of contacting my MP as they are wanting £710 per month for one child with arrears on a £2200 wage. I have two kids in my house an they are jeopardising their livelihood over collecting for one child and the mother earns more than me!! He is being looked after anyway. I don’t dispute having to pay something but when it puts two children in the street to collect for one surely that’s a joke! They are bully’s and incompetent. An make up their own rules to suit the mother on the other side forget the dad who is denied access by the bitch ex he can walk the streets as long as we get what we want. So for the next two years I will pay for her mortgage, bills and my boy who I am denied access too ( for having his hair cut by the way to normal from scraggy long making him not look like an orphan) when are people going to look at the depression that Is caused and potential suicide cases of dads that simply try but can’t physically afford it??

  • Sandra says:

    For the last 6 years, I have been watching my son get bullied by the CSA. That is the only word I can use. His former wife has lied about her income all that time and his income is assessed by CSA as what he “should be earning”.
    He has lost his family home, superannuation and savings. All has gone to her. She now has a defacto relationship, an investment property and a luxurious lifestyle – and he works tirelessly to afford to pay rent and keep up the payments and constant fines imposed by the CSA. He cannot get Legal Aid or afford a lawyer to fight the CSA. All attempts to get some fairness are futile. No-one will listen and his caseworkers change every single time.
    When is the Australian government going to realise the connection between male suicide, domestic violence and the constant harassment by the CSA, who act as agents for these vindictive and vexatious women?
    And what of the children who grow up without the influence of a loving father? On websites pertaining to divorce and separation, it is stated that this government believes in and bases their policies on the ideal of shared parenting. The Family Court and CSA do not reflect this in their gender biased practices.

    But my question is this? Where can men who are in this situation get any support?
    Is there a group or organisation who are working towards gender equity?

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