Considering suicide as a way out

In december 2011 my then wife told me she wanted a devorce no chance of working it out she had someone waiting for her. This being the second time she she had done this so i accepted that she no longer wanted me. she then told our children we were getting a devorce and that they would be living with her.at this time she was not realy getting on with our children.

I had a realy good rapour with both and we got on realy well.the boys both said they would rather live with me. at that time i told my wife that i would dispute her custody claim. without a second for thought she returned wih the statement “i will distroy you finnancialy and you will not have a say in thier lives” for the next 7 monthes she refused to comunicate with me accept through a solicitor she wanted me out of the fammily home. As we were allready 10k in debt my income was all used up paying for us all to live still in the family home.she got realy abusive towards myself and our boys resulting in her smacking them 4 times in one week. this i could not deal with especialy when my 9 year old asked me what i was going to do about it.

So at around midnite after seeking a lot of advice i sent a message to social services begging them to help. next day boys told a teacher that she had hit them and they also called social services.the day after that social worker turned up at school to talk to boys then they talked to my wife and finaly they spoke with me for 10 minutes.somehow it was now me that was the abuser. within 5 days she kidnaped the boys and booked into a hostel for abused woman. unbelivable i spent the next 120 days not knowing weather my boys were safe and well or even if they were happy to be with her.once we reached court i finaly got to find out that she was in a hostel for abused woman. i was not allowed to dispute anything as she had told everyone i was mentaly ill.

The court ordered that i could only see my boys 120 miles away with supervision and i had to pay all costs 100£ to regester with contact centre then 80£ per 2hr session once a fortnight not counting the 60£ diesel bill for driving my van down to see them and 20£ for her to deliver boys to contact centre.

On top of this i had to see a psyciatrist for an assesment of my mental health. this done with a glowing report that stated he could find no problem with my mental health i am still paying twice a month to see my boys allso still pay mortguage her life insurance boys pocket money 190£ a month loan repayment run up prior to devorce. Now she wants the house sold and 80percent of profit from sale.even though we still havent had the custody hearing yet now she has sent the c s a after me i was not woried about this as i wanted to pay towards my boys upkeep i dont earn a lot as i have recently started my own buisness. so when the forms turned up i filled them out honestely and returned them within 3 days i had a call saying that they had my forms and was there anything i needed to add to them i was sure i had told them everything so she said i will do your calculation now and ring you back.this she did and came back wih you must pay 252£ a month can we start deducting this now.

I was absolutely gutted after 20 minutes of asking how she came up with this figure she said thae for 2 children it will cost you 20 percent of your wage packet we dont take into account your cost of living even though by taking this amount they will stop me being able to visit my boys let alone eat or pay bills it broke me and i would not agree to them taking said money from my account as it would cost me a further 70£ in overdraft charges every month i tried to reason with her about this and got told the law says that is what you are to pay like it or not if you dont pay we will recover the money in other ways. this was when it hit home that i am either not going to see my boys anymore or i am going to become bankrupt with a destroyed credit rating so as not to be even able to afford to eat or rent a flat i asked what to do and she said i could apply for a small reduction if i can prove costs of seeing my boys that was the only thing i can do .

At this point i had an awfull black thought of i might as well top myself as i will never recover from this there is no true justice in this country my boys are being turned against me with every absent moment from thier life and there is nothing i can do about this iether i said this to woman from c s a she then said that she would have to report this as a serious consern at this point i told her not to bother and hung up.

I was called back 10 minutes later by another woman who wanted to know if i was serious and that she would have to report me to the police just what i need another question mark over my mental state. i have no idea how this is going to end but i am absolutely sure that my kids are the ones that are going to lose out one way or another what a shit mess i even offered 100£ a month and id stop eating they just replied you would go into arears and we would recover it another way.so now im going from respectable to a deadbeat well done britian this suckes i surender put me in a cell at least my boys would know whare i was.