Cheating wife and the CSA

February 3, 2011

Trying to be brief as I can. My ex stole and hid all our savings when she left, uses the kids as an emotional lever and believes I should support her (her words)for the foreseeable future.

To explain she left with the kids just in time for Christmas 2009. Access was stopped well before I moved away and began to control her draw on my finances (seemingly 10 years too late though). I must add she gets the maximum DLA (diagnoised after the split and her illness does not prevent her cycling to get fit), has a mobility car and house paid for. Current income evivalent to £3k/month after tax or during 2010, £85k gross to any poor PAYE sap and wildly in excess of our pre-split income. I must add she spent every penny of this though trust me it was not on my children. Additionally the £10k of savings she will not declare is equivalent to around £100/week for two years.

The events leading upto me moving away and dipping my toes into the world of limited companies followed threats of violence from her father, threats to extract spousal as well as child maintenance from me by her and her solicitor (Scottish Law), questioned under caution after a false accusation of assault, slandered and accused of abuse…… The list goes on. I still swear she had physological problems though my family firmly believe she is evil.

So I paid myself a low wage which despite what has been said elsewhere is perfectly legal and unless you like paying tax a perfectly sensible thing to do. The first CSA rep I spoke to advised me to claim for everything or even overclaim to reduce my liability. The second was not interested in my dividend and wanted only to see a payslip despite my honesty and me supplying my small business accountants details. The assessment came in at around £50/month which astounded me. The remainder of the amount I should have paid is being saved for when my kids are old enough. This is my contribution that will go to my children and not into my ex’s pockets. This knowledge is coupled with the fact that she has an income greater than our pre-split combined income. This however does not prevent her from pleading poverty to my kids at every opportunity.

She is not unexpectedly very unhappy and has said the CSA will get me when my first accounts are available at Company’s House. This is in a years time. I intend to close the company by this time and start another one. If this fails I will work overseas. Other options presenting themselves are making my now partner a director and myself just a paid employee. Currently my father is the other director and I believe this may prevent the CSA from making claim to the companies money as I only own half the company.

Access is proving difficult and I got the three of them at Christmas only through my 9 year old daughter’s efforts at contact with me. The mobile phone I sent to the kids was lost, email addresses stopped working and the ex has a call monitor on the phone so she can choose to ignore my weekly calls. As I live a long way away she is even trying to split the access into week long blocks so that it is very difficult to see them. On the upside I have been told she as it stands can not afford to move the boyfriend in (the other reason other she left) because it will affect her benefits. He does not earn enough to make it worthwhile which is a real shame!

So the strategy is to wait it out until the children are old enough to know the truth, play the CSA until they give up and in the meantime save for my children’s future . Oh and refuse to be bitter about the entire experience.

If all else fails and the country fails me I may choose to stop being a UK taxpayer.


  • Paul Roberts says:

    You sound very sensible and fair, you are are a shining example of an NRP, you are ensuring your childrens futures are sound, avoiding the CSA and not breaking any laws in the process… Well done to you :0)

    As for your Ex Wife, she does sound like an evil money grabbing fruit loop mate.

    It sounds like your kids want to see you and you sound like a great dad so why wouldnt they, as they get older they’ll get more of a say in when they get to see you so i’m sure full contact will happen again for you all. You situation doesnt sound dissimilar to mine in many ways…

    You are doing all the right things, I hope everything works out for you..

  • >