Can we name and shame absent fathers

September 12, 2012

My ex left me before I gave birth. He came back to register his name on the birth certificate, so he is on there. My son was born in 2002 and The first payment of around £45 was paid in 2004 then 2 years later a payment of about £50. NOTHING since then! My son is 10 in November.

The CSA also tells me my claim did not start when I fist had my son, it started about 2 years later!!? Not sure why or how! They once found my ex and then they put a deductions of earnings in place, so of course he job hopped, he just left his job to avoid paying!!! They have not found him since. He ignores all letters and calls. The CSA never seem to follow up the case unless I call and check whats happening!He puts his mothers address for everything, his mother is a high up social worker (the irony), the bailiffs went to her address and she told them that she would give them no information and to let the CSA do their job!

Last year I got a letter saying my ex was now claiming benefits and I would receive a poultry amount from him. Then, before I got any payment, I got a phone call to say ignore the letter he is not claiming anymore! Before he went onto benefits the case with the CSA had got to the bailiffs going out and also a court order being put out for him. HOWEVER the sickening thing is that because he went to claim the case now has to start all over again! It took the CSA 8 years to get the case that far will it now take 8 years again!!??? I think that is totally disgusting! They now are putting trace actions out against him? Surely for him to claim benefits they must have taken contact details, national insurance number, address etc etc from him!? So how come they now have no idea where he is now!? I am gob smacked that he can get away with it, and gob smacked that in 9 years I have had less than £100 to help care for my son! I have now been told he may be living in America so I am pretty sure I have no hope of ever getting a penny now!?

Can we name and shame the people that give absent fathers a bad name? As I know there are many men fighting to see their children!

I am totally disgusted in the lack of contact I get from the CSA and the attitude of many of their staff when you finally get through to speak to one of them. I cannot understand why they are there when they are clearly not doing their jobs as I’ve had no money from my ex. If the police wanted him for something they would have found him by now! I could rant on all day about this and I am sure I have missed out a lot of information as I am getting more and more angry about it as I write this!


Sarah Jones


  • j says:

    Dont you mean ‘can we name and shame absent fathers AND absent mothers?’

  • Paul Gibbons says:

    No this should not be aloud. Shall we name and shame mothers who stop fathers seeing there kids? There is NO justice served through the CSA it is a cost saving exorcise for the government not a court room. It should be about the welfare of the child. Not incriminating people.

    Casual sex is an accepted part of our society. It is inevitable that people who are not suited to be together may accidentally conceive. This is hardly a criminal activity. It is sad for the child.

    Mums get rewards for this and men get punished. This is institutional sexism at work. It is sickening.

  • wilf says:

    The courts are designed to dispense justice.
    The CSA is designed to collect maintenance from non-resident parents and convey it to parents with care.
    The CSA costs the taxpayer a lot as no fees or cut is taken yet!

  • s says:

    Indeed name and shame any absent parent, mother or father! And Paul Gibbons yes perhaps the parent who stops the other parent seeing their child should be named and shamed too! It is despicable that parents should be kept away from their children if there is no good reason why! And I resent the accusation of casual sex being aimed towards this original piece. You are totally misguided if you believe being left as a single mother and getting CSA is a reward! If you actually manage to get any CSA that is! However there are also many absent mothers and it is the father who has to seek CSA! Are they being rewarded too!? How is it sexist!? It is just an unfortunate fact that the majority of single parents who claim CSA are women! It is most certainly NOT sexism at work at all!

  • j says:

    When two people get divorced they divorce each other, not their kids! In the event of any divorce access to the kids has in the past been used as a weapon to sort out financial matters, this places the person with custody (residence if you prefer the polite term) at an advantage and turns the child into a bargaining chip. It should be the other way around, access should be immediate so there is no delay, it should also be automatic unless there is clear reason why not, abuse between parents is not an excuse while abuse of the child is. Only when access is established and ongoing, for the benefit of the child, should financial matters be considered. In addition any disruption of access should result in maintenance being witheld, prevention of access should result in all benefits being withdrawn and an automatic application to transfer custody (residence). Finally the csa should be abolished right now, sack the lot of them and shut it down and put the people who dreamed it up (civil servants AND politicians) on criminal charges for the lives they have destroyed and the children that have been harmed. Put the whole thing back in the courts where it belongs.

  • stuart says:

    If it is ok to name and shame absent fathers and absent mothers then it is only fair to name and shame the CSA staff whose poor decision making has led to the NRP to be absent. The CSA is responsible for more contact issues than anyone and has done more to destroy relationships than any man or woman ever could.

  • Paul says:

    Maybe if mothers like yourself thought more about your children and less about the money you can claw from your ex you’s could come to an understanding with one another and your child could see his father without dramas over YOUR negitivity towards him. Maybe, just maybe… You could come to an agreement on money without involving any outsider in order to persecute your ex and make his life hell. Its mothers who look to benefit from seperation who cause all this country’s problems. Crime, mental illness, hate, anger, murders all of it is caused by greedy mothers who already receive money from the state yet continue wanting more. My ex is going on holiday in a few weeks, she just went on holiday a couple weeks back. She has nice clothes, her hair is nice and she goes out all the time and does drink and drugs. What do i have? Unpaid bills coming through the door constantly. Yet i take my children 5 nights a fortnight, still fighting for more. Does she give me money for the nights i have them? NOT A PENNY! The CSA is illegal and should be shut down. It affects every fathers human rights, many – the right to life! Where is our right to life? Stop holding your hands out begging for money and put your child first. Like i said back at the start of this… You’s could have come to an agreement and you wouldn’t be in this predicament. Don’t go looking for someone to blame and accept you caused what you’re experiencing!

  • Sara says:

    In response to Paul who has literally no idea on the situation, and is clearly EXTREMELY bitter about having to pay for his children!!!

    My ex partner begged me to have our son, Then left and has not been seen or heard of since we registered his birth. Now given he wanted to have the baby surely he should pay for his upbringing! I do not receive any state benefits whatsoever.Why should he not make any contribution!

    While the CSA are clearly not working properly, they are there for a reason. And that is to make the absent parent, be it mother or father, pay for their children’s upbringing!

    And might I ask how I am not thinking about my child! I have been his sole carer his entire live! I offer him emotional support and physical support and I work and I pay for everything, why should I not request help from his father!?

    I do not believe that single parents requesting money is begging, nor do I believe you can blame them for “Crime, mental illness, hate, anger and of course the biggy MURDER” that is utterly ridiculous. In fact you are ridiculous!

    The parents going through the csa are not begging they are requesting money to help bring up their child. As I say I receive no state benefits and I still stand by what I say in the fact I should get money from my child’s father to help with his upbringing.

    If you are going to make ridiculous statements in a means of expressing your bitterness and anger, perhaps you suffer from mental health issues; and perhaps that is indeed every one of the single parents sorry “greedy mothers” faults. Then perhaps you should find a different forum to vent that on.

    I am not looking for anyone to blame, I already know who is to blame and that is the father. Relationships break down, that happens in life, however when you beg someone to have your child you should pay for their upbringing.

  • terry scott says:

    Stupid cow!!!

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