Can I really be expected to give money after finding out I have an 11 year old son?
What can I do? I have recently been informed that I have an eleven yr old son which I knew absolutely nothing about until Nov 12. I have had the DNA test which prove that I am the biological father. Despite this liaison with the boys mother being well before I met my wife, This has caused my family (wife & 2 planned children) amazing anguish and now financial uncertainty.
How can a woman decide without consent whether or not to have a child? What gives her the right to keep this from me and deprive me of 11 yrs of my son’ s life yet be able to chase me for payments when her life changes circumstances?
I am really feeling quite shocked by the whole situation and feeling destitute towards the situation.
Really would appreciate any advice you can offer?
9 thoughts on “Can I really be expected to give money after finding out I have an 11 year old son?”
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Basically……. you are fooked, say goodbye to half your income, until the child reaches 20 years of age
It is a woman’s choice whether or not to go ahead with the pregnancy. I do not agree with the situation you are in, that you have not had the chance to know your child but have to pay maintenance.
When did the woman lodge a claim for maintenance? You will be due maintenance from when the DNA test confirmed you are the father. You will also have to pay the cost of the DNA test. Because the CSA are involved does not mean you can get access to the child, that is a matter for the Courts. CSA are only interested in you paying maintenance and nothing else.
The CSA will assess maintenance at 15% of your net income. They do not take into account your monthly mortgage/rent, other financial commitments. They will allow a deduction in the assessment for the 2 children you already have before assessing maintenance. If you and your wife are in receipt of tax credits the CSA can use those as your income depending on who is the highest earner in your household.
Only advice I would give is keep every piece of correspondence from the Agency and a record of all payments you make, even if the CSA are collecting the money. Keep all this paperwork forever!!!
In a word yes. CSA are only interested in 15% of your net income now. If you want access to the child you’ll have to either go through the mother or courts.
Well it’s great news that you’ve got a son, sad news that you’ve been deprived 11 years of fatherhood.
How was the DNA test taken? This has to be court ordered or done by the CSA.
Thankfully, child maintenance can only be started by the CSA from the day of your sons mothers claim….it wont be back dated so many years. So if the CSA try this on you, launch a complaint and get your MP on the case IMMEDIATELY.
I would say go and have a life with your son and enjoy what each other can offer you both both.
Thats just wrong, to say this woman has had your son and managed financially for 11 years then decided she wants your money is disgusting, she should be ashamed, the nicer thing to do would have been to tell you when he was born then work things out as access and financial responsibility, i feel for men that this happens to, seems the woman always has the uppier hand when having kids and it needs to be stopped, personally you shouldt have to pay for the child as you didt know he existed,
agree with you lisa…I shake my head at some women I really do. I am so sorry this has happened to you and your family OP.
was this a one night stand??? did you not think to shrink wrap ya penis??? unfortunately things like this happen when people have unprotected sex. It may have been that she didn’t know until recently that you were in fact the father either way whats done is done and you both have to live with the consequences of what happened. With regards to access etc you would have to go to court as the child is 11 and you have had no contact all his/her life it would be only given if it was deemed to be in the childs best interest. Best was forward would be to try and come to an amicable agreement with the mother of the child.
Did you force your ex to wear a condom to stop the birth of your unwanted children???? so why do you feel the right to tell others to do the same
well I think the laws need to change. Women have the upper hand. they know who they know who all they slepted with, they know when the become pregnant and they have the upper hand to decide what they want to do with the child, abortion, adoption or just simple write unknown on the birth certificate and move on, oh but wait they can come back at anytime and request paternity ANYTIME. and then what the man and child is denied a relationship, finacially the man suffer’s because who plans on giving up 15 percent of their income just like that, and oh yes lets not forget if he has been married has a wife and kids that have to now suffer because of the lies these women tell. i am not excusing the man by any means it takes two to tango but lets face it girls and guys who is the only one who truly knows the baby exist, the MOTHER. she is given total control. Laws need to change to protect the child and the dad’s and their families from women like this, if you choose to lie about not know your childs father than accept the consequence and move on keep your lie’s to yourself and live with it…