Bitter, Jealous ex uses useless CSA to hound me

January 16, 2010

I have 2 kids, the eldest(15) lives with my ex, the youngest(13) lives with my wife & I, we have a 2yr old and are expecting another baby in May. When the my daughter moved in with me over 2and a half yrs ago, the CSA stopped, as she had 1 kid, I the other. Out of the blue, the CSA rang me last week, my ex had called them and told them all sorts of rubbish, and basiclly they want me to pay £47:00/week & today they have sent me a letter sayin I owe arrears of £363.73!!

My ex is an Alcoholic, and my eldest who wants to live with her relies on me to buy her clothes, shoes etc I even pay for her a mobile phone on a contract in case she’s ever in any trouble.

I gave my ex £5400:00 in November, this was to stop her and my daughter being evicted as she had not paid the mortgage or appeared at court.

I have no idea why she has got the CSA onto me, I dont wind her up, I dont even speak to her! My life has been turned upside down, they want to know everything, I have cancelled my daughters phone, wont buy her anymore clothes/shoes and will empty her bank, I have had to explain why, and that she will have to rely on her “mum” for these.

I wont be beaten by this useless, law breaking organisation, & I wont pay them anything, I will fight them all the way, how can they act like this on hearsay, hearsay from an Alky at that.

I dont want to shirk any responsibilities, I want to pay for my kids, but I’m not gonna pay for some lowlives to sit in a nice air conditioned office to hassle decent, hard working folk.

My 2 yr old has recently been diagnosed with diabetes, any spare time/money will be spent on her.

I think it is disgusting how decent people like myself find themselves basically begging for their wages, all on hearsay, they have not presented me with any proof or facts, just amounts of what they want from me.

Why do they always sign their letters “your sincerely”? Patronising B*st*rds.


  • Lord Raglan says:

    Sorry to hear of your plight..
    With this organisation you can never win.
    I too have been in a similar position – tightening up your allowances to your ex may be a good ploy – however CSA is based on your income and her income with an assessment in which way the money is split for maintenance.
    Sounds like your ex is not working or on a low wage hence you having to pay a contribution even though you have one child living with you.

    I too was in that position – my ex on low wage (or so claimed) and one child with me one with her – I had to pay maintenance and continued contact costs as well as all other costs in respect of clothing/ school trips etc – so unfair and wrong..

    The second child moved to live with me and I applied for maintenance – lots of promises from CSA staff – and a chance for me to be on the other side of the coin..

    My ex simply reduced her pay – and when less than threshold of £100 pw – she was assesed to pay me the grand total of £5 pw for two children = me out of pocket again..

    All I can advise is find the moral highground and do what you think is right – stuff the CSA this government agency has only one aim to make money – at the expense of suckers like you and I..

    Good Luck..


  • chall says:

    Hi Big Mac,

    The effective date of a case initially commences once the agency has made contact with the non resident parent. This initial contact can either be by post or phone.

    If you received no contact from the agency until last week, you should establish when and how they had attempted to contact you to initiate an effective date.

    Also as the agency have calculated a maintenance liability, this needs to be checked to ensure it is accurate and that it includes a reduction for relevant other child/ren that live in your household.

    More info/forum at

  • Big Mac says:

    Hi guys, thanks for the advice, much appreciated.
    I know what I need to do, its just that I want them to back down so I dont have to “dodge” them, I pay my way, always have. If they (the CSA) dont, then I shall “play them” my eldest daughter is 15 in 2 weeks, as I work for a company that I own, I can do it quite easily, and I will have them running all over for the next year (til my daughter is 16), it will tie a case worker up and stop them hassling somebody else if nothing else!
    I would also like to point out to any NRP’s out there that are not paying for the upkeep of your children in anyway, shape or form, that you are the very roots of the CSA, its because of people like you this agency exsists and why the likes of Chall, Lord Raglan & myself find ourselves being interogated and financially raped.
    I have got my local M.P involved, I pay his wages, I told him to get me ALL relevant info on the CSA, I want to know ALL my rights and ALL benefits that I can now claim from the state (previously funded by me) ready for when he sets aside a couple of hours for our meeting. I wont be making it easy for him, I will arm myself with proof and facts. Remember guys, these people work for YOU, use them, dont ever take their first answer as gospel, if your not happy, tell them why, if they cant answer a question-tell them to put somebody in front of you that can-its what the CSA would do to you. I actually hate being like this, but needs must!
    Thanks again.

  • kc says:

    hang on if you have 1 of you children at yours and 1 at hers then that should in affect counter out the other payments mind you buying gifts bank saving all are different to paying for your child so i was told

  • Big Mac says:

    Hi again guys, and Happy New Year!

    Just to let you all know I have not heard from the Muppets at the CSA for about a year now, my eldest Daughter will be 16 next month, so things are looking up.

    Thanks for all your help, advice & tips, keep up the fight & keep your chins up, good luck to you all.

    Big Mac.

  • Steph says:

    Hi Big Mac out of date I know, but did you know you can claim disability living allowance care component for looking after your daughter and if it stops you working carers allowance, plus if you tell tax credits you get extra for having a disabled child if you claim DLA.

    I know as my son is 7 and has been type 1 for two years and I can’t work as his Dad messes up so much on his days I get called into school a lot, plus if my son is ill I HAVE to be there even a tummy bug can turn life threatening scarily enough.

    Hope your daughter is doing ok, type 1 in a child can be hellish at times.


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