Application to the CSA for a variations form

My Wife suddenly upped and left a year ago taking our 3 year old son with her, and moved 135 miles to Wales to live with her parents.

I was paying her £200 per month plus putting money into my son’s trust fund after we split. Now thanks to the CSA it is £380 per month. After travel costs to work at £400 per month, mortgage at £870 per month and various bills I often have nothing left whatsoever. I don’t smoke,drink, don’t have a social life and two months ago was onto the Samaritans, I was desperate. Thanks to some comparison websites I’ve been able to reduce my bills slightly which at least allows me to eat. (Incidentally, my son is now 4 years old, does it really cost £380 to feed and cloth a 4 year old)?

The reason for the divorce was my so-called unreasonable behaviour, which boiled down to my shiftwork (leaving me quite tired, sort of permanently jet-lagged I guess), and believe it or not not appreciating her Father giving me D.I.Y. tips. A further allegation of me spending excess money simply isn’t true (although my wife’s father insists I am lying as he used to work in the medical profession so he can tell) – he was a nurse!- and an allegation of one incident of mild violence which had to be retracted as I had taped proof of my wife admitting that it wasn’t true! So you can see what I am up against.

I admitted the unreasonable behaviour, not because of any guilt but because to go to those lengths she obviously wasn’t happy so it wasn’t worth defending, it would hopefully keep the costs down. Two days before she left (I found out afterwards), she took £10k from our joint account without my knowledge, We had just jointly taken out a £20k mortgage extension, £5k was to cover debts from several aborted house moves (not excessive spending!), and £15k was to improve the house and upgrade the car. The debts were paid, she took £10k and the remaining £5k has gone on solicitor fees! Her father was behind much of this, he is a sort of puppet master, arrogant and controlling.

As I am left with little or no money, I an unable to visit my son anymore. When I was paying the £200+ I had enough to drive the 270 miles round trip and stay in a cheap guest house (I’m not allowed to stay in their house, not even on the couch). I applied for a variation in November, but although the CSA have received my application, they have a backlog, estimating that it will be May before they can review my case. In the meantime, much of the info is now out of date due to the increase in petrol prices etc. In the last four months I have seen my son for precisely 4 hours on one day in December. Surely this is unfair, on both me and also his rights to see his Father. It just seems that everything is stacked up against me. And I don’t feel that I did anything to warrant all of this in the first place.

Incidentally, I must add that I am clinging onto the house, but had to watch while my wife (who still has a key) and her father came round to collect a pair of curtains and a lamp shade and a few other things, how petty! They live in a 7 bedroom three storey fully furnished house! They also tried to take a wardrobe and a bookcase (they have plenty at their place), and claimed £200 for me keeping the fridge and washing machine, and I ended up having to call the Police. Needless to say they didn’t come round. About an hour after my wife and her father left, they returned with the police, the arrogant fool (her father) had waited at the police station until someone was available! They couldn’t do anything, and eventually they left with their tails between their legs. What on earth were they trying to prove? And to top it all, they then alleged that I had been threatening and violent (I remained very cool and tape recorded some of what happened), I was the one abused and threatened by her father (“You bloody lying bastard, I worked in the medical profession blah blah; and I’ll knock your bloody head off if you touch my daughter again”), remember thst had already been retracted from the divorce petition as it was untrue. I also want to add that my wife’s mother almost left the house about 3 or 4 years ago, as even she found him too controlling, I helped talk her out of it. I think that hey are all scared of him. They are still together.

I understand that if they want to give me a wage review then I have to give the CSA my details straight away, but my variation allowing me to visit my son can take 6 months! Why are things so stacked against the parent without care? I guess my wife’s dad had got what he always wanted, his daughter back home and his grandson living with him too. Thay are dragging the divorce out so that I have to re-apply for a mortgage (my application is valid for 6 months only, and now that the CSA are involved I may not pass. Talk about feeling used!

Sorry to go on, I’ve finished now.