Always worked hard to give my kids what they want

October 25, 2011

I’m another NRP who hasn’t had any decent contact with my kids for over 6 years -my ex-wife gets £1150 a month from me through the CSA and sits mortgage free in a £400k house (which I gave her as part of our divorce settlement).

She has changed all 3 of my children’s names to her maiden name and made every effort to stop me having any meaningful contact with them. I even have a lawyer’s letter from her instructing me toi stop sending my children birthdays cards, presents and Christmas cards.

I’m not a dead beat dad, I’ve always worked very hard to give my kids the best they can have in life. I’m a professional, a successful business director and all I want is to see them and spend time with them.

The law around child contact and the role of the CSA is simply wrong and needs to change – why should my ex live relatively well and at my cost when she has made it clear and ensured there is no space in their lives for me. If my name and my contact isn’t good enough, then why is my money good enough?

Don’t beat up on all dead-beat dads, you’ll find there’s more to each story than meets the eye – as for my dealings with the CSA, well they are beyond incompetent.


  • John says:

    This adds more fuel to the argument that the CSA system is disproportionate with indivdual circumstances. A flawed statutory system, with rigid formulas and calculations. I have never been asked to be included in this shambolic system, I am being forced to be included, as the CSA are bowing down to the wishes of the parent with care, who is cheating the benefit system, and I am picking up her bill!

    You should voice your opinion in writing to Cameron, Clegg and Duncan-Smith. the more that do this, the more chance of a review/disbanding of the shambles known as CSA!

  • Bob says:

    Why not take action against the solicitor for your sending cards? He is acting above and beyond his recall.

    If you have all this money, surely you would be able to afford a Contact Hearing, just use the C100 to be sent to the Court of the local child. Also i would include a Hearing to include that your ex must cease immediately to have your children known by her maiden name. This is of course illegal.

    I often wonder whether some of these stories on here are true???

  • Mick says:

    Sadly, my case is not too disimilar to yours. I didnt get to see my daughter for almost 5 years. As you were married to the PWC i assume your name is on all of your childrens birth certifuicates? If so, your ex has no right to change their surnames without your written legal consent. As your financial circumstances seem to be a lot healthier than mine, my advice to you is to go see a solicitor and get some solid legal advice on both the issue of your childrens names being changed without your consent, and about you having some form of contact with them. You dont say what the ages of your kids are. what i do know is that if any of them are age 12 and over, they can have a say in wether or not they actually want to have any further contact with you. With what you earn i wouldnt be just content with access. Why can you not apply for joint custody? If you were to get that right and you got to have your children more than 104 nights per year, your maintenance would have to be recalulated and reduced according to how many days they are with you. Possibly even completely negated if you got joint custody. Your ex would then become liable to maintain her children when they are with you. So in effect, anything she might owe you in maintenance would result in you both cancelling each other out. Worth looking into isnt it! What have you got ot lose?

  • Mick says:

    Or better still. Why no go for full custody on the grounds that you can provide better for them with what you earn than PWC could. Just a suggestion. Hope this helps!

  • Steve Graham says:

    Dear Mick, Bob and John

    thanks so much for your comments – I’m so glad I’m not alone in facing these challenges. I’ve had all sorts of false accusations and things thrown at me from my ex-wife over the past 6 years, my por kids have sadly been influenced by it all and I’ve givne up all hope of doing anything which doesnt get thrown back at ma as “look what your dad is doing to us now”

    My kids are 18, 17 and 15 years old and in Scotland (like the rest of the UK), their views are given a strong weighting in the courts – you can only take so much off “we don’t want to see our dad, we hate him”, its a helpless feeling – it just makes my blood boil that this process is so one sided, with the CSA piling in on top as well, it grinds you down.

    I still write to them regularly and send cards etc.

    I appreciate your thoughts and comments anyway guys,

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