All the financial burden rests with me

October 12, 2014

I am divorced and living in my own home.

My ex wife and I share equal residency of our daughter who is 7 years old.

We both earn around £45,000 per annum

We have a verbal agreement that I pay £220 per month for my daughter to my ex wife.

She lives in her own house and shares this home with her new partner who earns in the region of £70,000 per annum.

I live alone.

I see it financially unfair that when my daughter stays with me, I still pay my ex wife £220 per month i.e. £55 per week.

It is a struggle for me as the majority of the payment is for gas, electric clothes etc for my daughters well being which my ex wife’s partner benefits by.

I have been heavily influenced into this volunteer (no contact) agreement as my ex wife’s gives veiled threats that I will lose contact with my daughter, whom I love and care so much for.

We have been in this situation for about 4 to 5 years now.

My ex wife even asked to see my pay slips in an effort to get more money because her partner is off work, I have refused to show it.

She even asked my (through her Mother) for an extra £26 per week to feed the cats telling me that my daughters loves the cats so much.

What can I do, because I feel that because we earn the same, she should hold up her end of her responsibility towards our daughter and pay her way.

All the financial burden rests with me.

At least I feel that because we share residency of our daughter equally, I should only have to pay my ex wife when my daughter lives with her £110 per month.

Please help, as I am at my wits end.

Sorry the letter goes on a bit.



  • Bill says:

    If you went through the CSA you would pay £104 per week less 1/7 for each overnight stay in your household.

  • Richard Gent says:

    Ray, I ran your numbers through the CSA calculator (Gross Salary of £865 per week, 1 child, number of overnight stays > 175, assumed you received no benefits). It calculated you would have to pay £44 per week.

    I assume your ex receives the Child Benefit. If so, that puts her as the Parent with Care and you as the Non Resident Parent. It does seem unfair that the childcare ‘workload’ is equal yet you still have to pay Child Support to your ex.
    Perhaps you can confirm the figures yourself then show them to your Ex. If she sees that you are paying her more than the recommended CSA amount, she may realise you are being fair.
    The threat to keep your daughter away from you, if you do not pay more is cowardly and it is wrong that Parents with Care can just decide unilaterally how much time the non resident parent can spend with the children. I would call her bluff on that one. She will look forward to time alone with her new partner. Kids, even 7 year olds are no fools. They will soon pick up on this effort to alienate and it will backfire on your ex in the long term.

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