Abusive ex has made it hard to see my kids

October 19, 2014

After 10 years in a marriage where i was miserable due to emotional bullying as well as some physical bullying at times. I made the decision to leave my husband.

We have two daughters together and i know he would not hurt them. The situation before i left him was as follow:

He had left his full time job and decided to work in a school as a teacher’s assistant.

I had to go to work full time and quite often was doing 14 hours shift a day. Hardly saw my girls as I worked so much. The girls got used to have their dad look after them before and after school.

When I decided to leave my husband he told me he would not let me take the girls and in order to keep things as amicable as possible and due to my work I agreed that he would for now be the main carer. It would have been cruel of me to take my girls, have a child minder, not see my girls myself and not let them see their dad.

I left everything in the house. I furnished the house, I bought beds, tables, furniture, my parent’s furniture too. flooring. All DYI was done by myself. But I left everything as to not confuse the children too much. I kept buying after leaving him too. a new Lawnmower, Barbecue. garden trees and plants, flooring for the bathroom. etc…

Their father refused to tell the girls for over a year that I had left him and kept saying that mummy was working away. in the mean time I took on his credit card debts at my name to help him financially and kept on paying gas and electricity for the house.

I was coming back to visit at the week ends and slept in the girl’s bedroom floor. I said it was because their dad was snoring too much. but i could feel that the girls were missing the truth.

Finally one day, their dad decided to tell the girls that i had left him. He did so without me being present which meant my oldest daughter was very upset with me.

I tried to resolve this by taking the girls to France for a week’s holiday at my parents, but something happened and my oldest daughter decided she didn’t want to go. I had her dad on the phone to me trying to see if i would force her to come with me then calling my solicitor to say I’d threatened to kidnap her. I had to go to France with only one of my girls.

It took a few months to be able to resolve this with my oldest daughter but when I finally managed to get through, she accepted the situation and was happy again with me.

Their father then introduced them to his new girlfriend and had her move into the house after New Year. Ever since this, my oldest has now again decided she does not want to be with me and her dad refuses to bring her to me.

I have not seen my oldest child in over three months.

With this. We agreed that I would finish to pay the debt off before we discussed any maintenance. I did give him what I could on top of the payment to the debts, and offered to pay for the girls School trips. Also i made sure I would buy the girls clothes and when they were with me I would ensure they are properly fed and looked after.

However, In April. My now ex-husband has decided to contact CSA and is now getting £400 from me every month. I have had to get an IVA set up as this amount of money is taking me over my monthly payment after I have paid the debts off and my journey to work. I do not buy myself food or clothes to ensure i have some cash when my youngest daughter comes to visit.

The situation has been made worse as he has now bought his girlfriend an engagement ring but when he brought my daughter for a visit this week end, she had some old clothes that are too small for her. When i told him he needs to ensure she has clothes that fit her, I am then told that I am being unreasonable. Tonight ended in an argument as my daughter plainly told them she did not want to go back with them and wanted to stay with me. I was then accused of brainwashing my younger daughter.

I had to let my daughter go back to her father’s house in tears and very stressed.


  • Bill says:

    Another recycled post from June 27. 2013 then titled ” I’m being accused of brainwashing my daughter.”

    Why is this site recycling old posts?

  • Mel says:

    Bill I think you find the purpose of repeating the posts is for search engine optimization. I do wonder if posters give permission to have there posts put on a facebook page bearing in mind the CSA monitor that facebook page

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