Why are they restricting contact rather than encouraging it?

Hi all,

Back in February 2013 I received a call from the CSA saying that I owed arrears of £352 to my son’s mother. This sum was money that was backdated to 01 June 2012 . During this period I was in fact giving the mother money privately for maintenance and at the time I informed them that I had already paid the money they wanted me to pay. I was not even aware that a case had been opened with the CSA or that I had the option to pay this money through the CSA until feb 2013 as no one had ever called me to ask for any money prior to that.
being somewhat appalled at the service the CSA had provided, I convinced the mother to close the case (or so I thought) by paying her off the debt privately and continuing to pay for maintenance amicably.

In November 2014, 2 years later, I received a call from the Child maintenance services telling me, to my complete surprise, that the case had only been put on hold and that the mother has now requested for me to pay arrears of £750 including the £352 from feb 2013, which I will be paying to her for the third time!
I told the Child maintenance services that I would like to challenge their decision, they went back and listened to conversations they had with myself and the mother back in February 2013 and decided not to change their decision on the basis that in 2012 the mother had said that she had received the £352 from me, but that it not been given to her as child maintenance. (Why on earth would it be considered to be anything else?)

Again, I continued paying the mother child maintenance until June 2013. At that point we were in court and she refused to take any child maintenance from me so that she could tell the court that I was not giving her any maintenance. Though none of the payments I made are being considered by Child maintenance.

Most of the money was given to the mother every other week cash in hand without receipt. (I know, big mistake) I do have evidence in the form of bank statements that I have paid the mother at least £160 but they will not consider these payments either as the mother simply says that none of these payments were for child maintenance.

I was also told that I should have raised my concerns back in 2013, even though I had clearly stated on the phone to them that I had already paid the mother this money, and this was the reason the mother put the case on ‘hold’. Once she put the case on hold and I payed the mother the money I never heard from them again about that £352 so I assumed everything was hunky dorey…

Last but not least, no one, neither the CSA or the mother, has ever contacted me or asked me to pay any more money than what was agreed privately between me and the mother and already being payed (besides feb 2013 and nov 2014). These are payments I would have been more than happy to make, granted that someone had actually gotten in touch with me to inform me of that I owed this money in the first place.

So, I guess my question is, do I really have no other choice but to pay the £352 for a third time? and if so, how on earth is it even possible that the child maintenance agency can be allowed to run this way? surely they cannot possibly be so clueless as to not know how unfair they treat certain parents and the inherent dangers of giving the requesting (possibly extremely spiteful) parent so much power over the other. From my personal experience with them, they will always take the word of the parent receiving the money as truth even if what they are saying is extremely unlikely.

The only evidence I have of payments besides bank statements is a phone call I recorded back in feb 2013 where she admits that I have been paying her money for maintenance and that she would have it deducted from the CSA. In the call she also admits that she simply did it because she hates me and wants to ruin my life. Though the child maintenance person I spoke to, although very nice, couldn’t have cared less. I just find the whole thing totally unbelievable…

Another point I forgot to mention is that the mother is claiming I only have my son over for 49 nights a year. That’s what the court order states as “official” dates, but in the court order it also mentions that I can have my son on any weekends we agree on between ourselves. (not very often as he lives a 6 hour drive away) These extra weekends bring the total nights that my son stays with me to over 52 nights a year (allowing for shared care rate) but again, they will only listen to the receiving parent even though I am telling the truth. What is more worrying is that as a result of this , the mother is very likely to stop me from having extra contact so as to make sure I pay more instead of seeing him more. (I will now only be allowed to see him during school holidays)

Is there nothing I can do about this? you would have thought they would be encouraging contact not restricting it.

Thanks for your help! 🙂