Warning to all French fathers: never come to the UK

December 12, 2010

I have been severely ripped off by my ex: she grew up in uk and surely knew how things worked there. She went to France, where we quickly met, bought a flat and after 2 years finally got legally married – just before the baby was born. I insisted to do that at least. We cancelled the wedding twice before. Then for some strange reasons she wanted to go back to UK, when our son was 3.

Guess what: 3 months after, we separated! She vanished to her Mother (just front door) and made false allegations of violence. Despite the total lack of evidence, Police believed her and I was kicked out. (later on it was stated that there was no physical violence, only very subjective psychological elements – which in my opinion were worse from her than from me). So I lost then contact with my son for 8 months. It was the time it took to realise that nothing would be done by the authorities unless I would pay some expensive solicitors (nice country). Then I contributed on a voluntary basis but to an account supposely in my son’s name, that even the Bank refused to confirm (when they let his Mother open it without even informing me!). Then the Mother permanently changing the agreement reached with

Family Mediation, I had no choice to apply for a shared Residence Order. Never she was even criticised to have moved out without informing me, travel abroad without informing me, changing the boy of school 4 times without informing me and so on. No this does not count for Mothers in UK. But false allegations of doing nothing when you are a separated Father counts a lot, this is the culture here ! Any way I had my application rejected, but I had contact Order at least. No shared residence means, even if you share quite fairly the time, that you does not count (for school mainly). UK has no idea of sharing parenting. Every process is done as if only one parent car have main care.

Then comes the CSA:

I wanted things to get right and stop paying into an account none could certify. WHAT A MISTAKE I DID WHEN I CONTACTED THE CSA!!!

They are only a bunch of morons. I had been disadvised to contact them before and I quickly understood why: they took all my details wrong, including the contact order. For them 3 equals 2, no trouble. And you must answer them within 7 days, unlike them. Anyway, they threat you immediately to place a deduction earning order!!! They never deal in written (very good for non-native english speakers). And so on. Now I found that website csahell, I understand my pain is far from being ended…



  • Peter Anderson says:

    A shame, but everything you have said is true! We've all experienced it! Just look at the UK marriage service, nothing in it about being loving parents to your children, yet the French service includes this. Here, when you separate, there is a presumption that the children will live with their mother and maybe the father will have contact with them. Any allegation, whatsoever, no matter how false, will result in the father being removed from his home and being denied contact with his children. When the rest of Europe and the USA was going for the presumption of joint custody or shared residence, the UK introduced the idea, Margaret Thatcher, that fathers not married to the mother should have "no responsibility" for their children and then having decided that they have no responsibility for their children brought in legislation that make us have to pay half our salaries in additional taxation (the CSA). Yes, only in a few cases does the money the father pay actually reach the mother and/or their children. There is only one thing a father can do here and that is to take his children and deny their mother contact. But you have to do this at the right time. You don't say how old your children are, but you have many years of fighting ahead. If you also have contact problems with your children then repost your post on Separated Dads. Fingers crossed, you get that shared residence order. They are still rare here. Good Luck.

  • Sylvia Dunai says:

    What does all this have to do with warning French fathers though??

  • Phil Lee says:

    The child has a right to see it's father – fact. It has NOTHING to do with what the mother says, feels,suggests, claims… that is unless the father has serious allegations founded to be true – apart from that there are few judges who won't award you parental rights and sensible visiting times etc – get to court and get it sorted.

  • Peter Anderson says:

    About the totally corrupt and blatantly sexually discriminatory benefits and legal system that we have in this country. That a woman is fully entitled to remove their husband/partner from their home, using false allegations, the is entitled to abuse their children by denying them their right to be with their father and then taking all the families assets while he is handed all the debts and then has to pay extortionate amounts of money to a corrupt Quango know as the CSA, which may give a bit of that money to the mother, money which he ought to be able spend on his children while they are with him.

  • Peter Anderson says:

    In France the parents promise in the Marriage service that they will BOTH at times look after and provide for their children and not ever prevent the other parent from exorcising their parental responsibilities. Similarly, when a father goes to pick up his children, with a Court order, and mother refuses to hand them over, in the UK, the police come and arrest the father, while in France the police are required to enforce the order and they arrest her. What a difference! Family life is allowed to continue after a divorce/separation in France.

  • Shaban Afzal says:

    I had to break my head againstthe wall for shared residency but at the end i got it necause i had proof that both cafcass and social services lied in their reports, my ex wife lied and i cursed her lawyer in court for what i heard her barrister and lawyer say outside on the corridor and when i told the judge she ripped into them. Not only did i get shared residency and my daughter spends more time with me than her mother but also i confiscated her passport. my daughter's passport remains with me indefinately becaus i proved in court her continuous disappearance. The judge must of got out of bed the right way that day. But it was a battle, the war has yet to be won. Good luck to all of you.

  • Moi says:

    If your child was born in France you must be able to do something about the French way, surely… Your son is a french citizen… and British… But that second one don’t count for much!

  • fguerret says:

    Thanks for your comment But no unfortunately for a matter
    happening in UK, the laws that rule are British laws, whereever
    people were born or citizenship they have. It would have been so
    good to apply French law in my case. However the european laws are
    also applicable and should in theory coincide/be consistent
    somehow. And to go back to the British citizenship of my son, I
    never requested it and never thought about it until he got it! My
    ex was in a rush to show the baby to her Mother in UK, so she urged
    me to request a British passport as it would be faster than the
    French one (but more expensive). I never saw any document saying he
    will have his Mother nationality, sutpid I was, just thinking he
    would be allowed to cross the border like that. Once I got the
    document I took it as a mistake, not important, and was far too
    busy to complain/mind about it. it is only when the boy was more
    than 5, and I had lost contact by the time, that I wrote to the
    British Passport agency, part of the Home office, saying I was
    totally opposed to the renewal of the document by the Mother as
    well as the fact she take him abroad without my consent. Well she
    did without even informing me. Both French and British police
    confirmed over the channel, they do not stop any european citizen,
    unless seriously black listed And for the Passport Agency they only
    left a voicemessage like “we can not do anything for you”. The
    bastards!!! I had contacted Reunite, specialised in prevention of
    international abduction, and used the fingerprint pack for the boy
    . They just ignored it. Later on (more than a year, with many
    solicitors letters), the Mother showed she had been able to renew
    the passport after that. Is it time to start another website
    “Passport-Agency-Hell” ? I believe so. I repeat: DO NOT COME TO
    UK!!! :-((( A very unhappy Father

  • Moi says:

    That is pretty rubbish…. Whatever you do, it’s like there is just no bloody way out! I am Romanian and I moved to the UK about 3 years ago. I have a child from a previous marriage and his dad doesn’t pay anything for him, even though there is a court order clearly stating how much he needs to pay monthly. I don’t really care to be honest, if he pays or not. I’m too busy working and making sure my son gets everything he needs and above.
    However, my current husband was involved with one of these British w***res you’re talking about and after she tricked him into getting pregnant ( never told him she came off the pill) she’s now tied him forever to this bastard child he never wanted, never sees, yet pays for every month and has done since the day he was born. The bit*h doesn’t work, has no qualifications, no career prospects and no education. More so, she’s been declared mentally unstable in the past and is now sleeping with my husband’s uncle, because he has money! That’s ruined my hubby’s family, his kid’s emotional stability, the lot!
    “Come here and see how evolved we are…. We f*ck for money, like prostitutes!”
    It is absolutely disgusting! Poor kids that are doomed to become absolute idiots! It’s them I really feel sorry for…
    I hope you manage to sort something out. For your sake, and your son’s sake.

  • Greg says:

    You should join families need fathers. There a French guy who’s a member, he posts on the forum and he made be able to give you a perspective of a French dad being shafted by the Family courts and how to make the best of it.


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